Finding Him
Chapter 3 - Old Wounds
Tulio grabbed Miguel's arms to prevent his escape, and half led, half dragged the golden-haired one back into the alley. When he had made sure that they were alone, he released one hand and stared at Miguel for a moment. He was frankly awestruck and dumbfounded.
"What are you doing here?" he managed eventually.
"Let go of me," Miguel hissed, pulling his other arm from Tulio's grasp.
Tulio backed away a step. There was something in Miguel's eyes that hadn't been there before. A kind of fierce pain that only seemed to get worse when he looked at Tulio. It nearly broke the other man's heart to see his friend like this. What could have happened to him? Why was he so angry?
"Miguel?" he tried. "Are you okay?"
"No." Miguel's voice was a strangled whisper. "No, I am most definitely not okay."
"Why not?" Tulio asked hesitantly. He was afraid that if he so much as breathed the wrong way, Miguel would vanish again. "What's wrong?"
Miguel shook his head, not meeting Tulio's eyes. "You don't get it. You never got it before, and you still don't, damn you."
"Miguel are you..." Tulio took a deep breath. "Are you in love with me?"
Miguel's head snapped up and Tulio saw something in his eyes, a kind of fierce longing and intense sadness. And love. There was definitely love in that gaze.
But it was gone in an instant. Miguel's eyes turned dark and angry once again.
"So you finally figured it out. Did you work it out all on your own? Or did Chel help you with it?" Miguel's voice was bitter. "You couldn't have maybe realized that before you went chasing after that damned girl? Before you broke a vow that you had made me give that you wouldn't touch her? Before you destroyed my life just because you were too dense to notice how much you were hurting me? Before you broke my heart?"
"So that's a 'yes' then?" Tulio asked, ignoring Miguel's anger.
Miguel seemed to sag, the energy as well as the anger draining from him so quickly that it almost seemed it had never been there. "Yes," he replied quietly. "I've loved you for, God, years. Years and years. And I was so afraid to tell you. I had no idea how you'd react and... and our friendship was so important to me."
"Then why did you run away?" Tulio questioned him.
"You. You and Chel." Miguel seemed to choke, and quickly looked away. When he next spoke, his voice sounded tightly controlled, and Tulio wondered if he was holding back tears. "You two were so in love. Well, I should rephrase that. You were so in love with her. And it hurt. It hurt so much for me to watch you. To pretend that I didn't care. I thought... if I left, then you two could be happy together and that maybe it wouldn't be as bad if I didn't have to watch."
"And was it?"
Miguel shook his head. "It was almost worse because I couldn't see you. I didn't know whether you were happy, and if you weren't there was no way that I could help you. I didn't know if Chel would take care of you. Or if she even cared at all."
"I don't think she did."
Miguel looked quickly at Tulio in surprise, and Tulio saw that he had indeed been holding back tears. It showed on his face.
"She left you know," Tulio continued. "After you left it just wasn't the same. I couldn't cope with things. She told me that she couldn't handle my depression, that she didn't want to be responsible for pulling me out of all the screw-ups I was getting myself into. She wasn't harsh about it, just... sad. I think she felt pity for me. But she left. No doubt to seek her own adventure."
Miguel didn't say anything for so long that Tulio began to worry. He was finally about to break the silence when Miguel said quietly, "I have no right to ask anything of you."
"Maybe, maybe not," Tulio replied. "It all depends on what you're asking, I think."
Miguel took a deep shuddering breath and looked up at Tulio, finally meeting his gaze. "Would you stay with me? I mean, work with me again. I can't do it without you. You know me, I'm not a planner. It's not the same if we're not... partners."
"You're right, it's not." Tulio sighed in relief. "Actually, I was about to ask you the same thing. It's not the same for me either. I can't pull things off the way you do. I don't have your luck, your charm."
Miguel muttered something about plenty of charm, but Tulio chose to ignore it. "Well?" he asked, offering his hand to Miguel to shake.
Miguel smiled for once like he used to, and it seemed to Tulio as though it lit up the entire world.
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