Sex and Straightedge
I wanna be straight-edge because I strongly believe in its ways but I have a question. If I have a girlfriend and we both love each other very much could I still make love to her?
Straight-edge doesn't demand that you be abstinent, but you shouldn't be promiscuous if you are straight edge. I choose to be completely abstinent until marriage, but that is because I am Catholic, and my religion demands that I save myself for marriage. I am also abstinent for a variety of other reasons that are both intellectual and emotional. I think you should ask yourself why you want to make love to your girlfriend. Are you a virgin? In my humble opinion, sex is not something to be taken lightly. Having sex can have heavy consequences. I'm sure you know about diseases and pregnancy and all those other risks, but there are serious spiritual and emotional risks involved as well. What if you and your girlfriend make love, and then you decide a few months down the road that you don't want to be with her anymore? I know it may not seem likely to you right now, but you owe it to her and yourself to consider the possibility. If such a thing happens, the fact that you two made love could magnify the emotional
devastation she would face in the wake of a break-up. The same goes for you if she were to break up with you. Sex is so deeply intimate, and being torn away from someone you gave yourself to sexually can be terribly traumatizing. I have seen it happen so many times among my peers. I know too many girls who regret giving themselves to their boyfriends (now ex-boyfriends) because of the emotional distress they faced once they broke up. It's brutal the way most people fail to consider the pain they may be inflicting on those they love (or claim to love).
A truly loving relationship can survive without sex. In fact, I think the lack of sex in a relationship can make your love grow deeper, because it demands that each partner respect each other more deeply. There is no threat of objectifying each other. In such a relationship, you can be certain that your partner loves you for you and not for the sex. I think sex should stay within marriage, where the commitment is lifelong and the love is
unquestionable (or at least should be).
To me, straight edge has always been about self-mastery. If you truly own yourself, lay aside your sexual desires for now and find contentment in the spiritual, emotional, and intellectual relationship you can share with your girlfriend. There is always so much to learn about the ones we love. Concentrate on really getting to know your girlfriend intimately (her dreams, fears, weaknesses, strengths, insecurities, etc.) and revel in the beauty you find within her before you even consider a sexual relationship.
