Part 1
One fine day, silverchair's agent was walking down the beach when all of a sudden, Chris ran up and kicked him in the groin, while Daniel and Ben giggled in glee, watching from a safe distance. Chris, Dan, and Ben were mad at their agent because of his lack of enthusiasm toward working with the up-and-coming band, Yo Mama. Redflame Records had contacted Sony about upgrading Yo Mama to a more serious contract, but Sony was uncooperative because of their interest in more reliable sources of record sales, such as pop groups like Nsync. However, Yo Mama continued to play local venues. Back to The Never Ending Story Index
One night at the Masquerade, a fan threw a shoe at Kelly "KelNino" Hunter. Fellow band member, Jimmy Bazemore, ran to her side, but Kelly was already up and threw the shoe back into the crowd. She laughed and said,
"I like the smell of your consumed vomit inside that shoe! Give it back!" Junta Feo realized what Kelly said and laughed silently behind the person who threw the shoe on stage. Kelly stared back and began to jump off stage to the bathroom.
Kelly met someone in the bathroom so she said to herself, "This someone is Christina Agabaterlia (whatever!)..."
"Mygod...do you always wear leather? How do you stand sleeping in that stuff..."
Christina turned around and looked in Kelly's eyes...and OHMYGOD! It wasn't Christina Aguilera! It was Daniel Johns! Kelly realized that he had come into the girl's bathroom to beat up his agent (who wouldn't cooperate with Redflame Records) and she laughed heartily.
Mr. Johns, clearly irritated by this tall blonde and without realizing that KelNino Feo was the lead singer in Yo Mama, turned around and said, "Mygod, you are so sexy! Where did you get that kick-ass 'Yo Mama' shirt?"
KelNino Feo, obviously very pleased that some one FINALLY noticed chirped "Oh yes, this old thing! Oh, all the other band members wear these, but we're getting new ones ordered in." Daniel smiled at this, but still (because he's so weird) didn't realize that KelNino Feo was Yo Mama's singer.
Daniel, on one of those silly impulses we all get, stated "Wow, the shirt really compliments your eyes. By golly, I do believe this is the first heterosexual thought I've had since 8th grade. Of course, we all know that Ms. Natalie, well, she's kind of a man, you know." Kelly nodded, she'd known it all along.
Suddenly, that slutty little Rita from the taco shop walked in and saw Daniel.
"Omygod!" she screamed, "Christina Aguilera! Can I have your autograph?" Daniel cringed, recalling the last Saturday he'd spent with the blonde bombshell. Rita ran to Daniel's side and she grabbed unto his leg, humping excessivly. He kept kicking and kicking but, no luck with poor weak Daniel. Suddenly, Junta Feo walked in the spotlight and laughed her ass off as she watched Daniel whining. KelNino Feo finally walked up, took her Yo Mama shirt off and choked the bitch off his leg. "Gee - thanks Junta...you could have helped..."
"Blahhhh," Junta purred softly to herself. Suddenly, a shadow popped out of nowhere...everyone's eyes brightened and widened, afraid of who it could be. It was Ben riding a female hippopotamus. Ben's smiley face said "G' Day Mate!"
Daniel dropped his jaw and said, "Ben! Get off of Natalie! Ben Dammit! I thought you were hetero! Get off, you fat male whore!" Daniel screamed in shock, "That's my boyfriend you ride so happily."
Ben, a little surprised at Daniel's tone, replied, "Oh, golly good mate. Could've fooled me, haha. I was moshing in that there pit to Coldfire and well, this thing approached me, I thought it was a hippo. Golly sorry, Daniel. Didn't realize that she...er...he was your partner." Daniel nodded and turned back to KelNino Feo as she struggled to contain Rita. Rita screamed and sunk her pearly whites into KelNino Feo's arm.
"Christina!" she screamed.
"****, girl! I am no Christina Aguiwhatchacallit! I'm Daniel Johns." Rita stopped thrashing for a moment and took a good look at Mr. Johns.
"Oh, I thought you were a chick in that leather. I'm sorry."
"This is not leather!" Daniel shouted in rage. "It's vinyl! Black vinyl! It caused no harm to any animal!" KelNino Feo, sure he was wrong, strolled over and looked at the tag on the belt loop. Daniel was shaking uncontrollably at the thought of leather.
"Oh dear, sorry Daniel. Nono, you must have put on Ben's pants. These aren't vinyl. It's pressed cowhide. Oh no, it's alligator. Wow, these must have been very expensi-" Suddenly, Daniel began screaming and fell to the floor, ripping at the high quality leather pants.
Rita giggled.
"What's his problem?" she asked.
"Just be silent please." KelNino Feo stated politely, "Junta, help me out here, hold the spazmo still, would you?" Junta grabbed Daniel and held him in a headlock while KelNino unzipped the pants. "Junta, who knew? He wears boxers, gosh, you'd think he'd prefer tighty-whities." Junta nodded as she released the clearly disturbed Daniel.
Dan turned around and locked himself in a stall. KelNino held the leather pants up. "Junta, how much do you think we sell these for on ebay?"
Meanwhile, Daniel was sobbing uncontrollably in the stall."Well, considering about a million teenies hit ebay everyday, and that someone would pay $152.53 for Justin Timberlake's undershirt, and since these are quite nice pants, hmmm, maybe $300 some? Maybe more! Who knows what sickos there are on ebay!"
Junta replied. Kelly considered this for a moment and replied "Yeah, but remember the "Nobody Knows I'm A Lesbian shirt? That sold for ten grand. I bet we could whip out a couple G's from these babies."
Daniel, clearly upset, called from behind the bathroom stall door, "Excuse me, but could one of you ladies pass me some toilet paper? There isn't any in here and I'm afraid I need something to blow my nose with badly." Junta Feo did as he asked. Kelly Feo-faragher smiled wrily.
"Um, Mr. Johns?" she asked. "I'm afraid that paper is probably made from rain forest trees that were cut down in cold blood. I'm sure many animals died so that paper could be processed...". Daniel screamed, tearing at the doorknob.
Junta fell to the ground laughing and said, "...Oh, hi there, dreamer. Can you believe this? I don't think Danny's gotten this upset since the time he grabbed your old wool beret instead of his beanie by mistake."
dreamer just rolled her eyes. "Now, now, you know better than this!" She handed Daniel a tissue and said, "Chill, dude. It's not your fault. Now if you calm down I'll bring my cats over to play with you and Sweep later, okay?" Daniel nodded. She turned back to KelNino and Junta. In that moment they heard a noise that interrupted their conversation - Daniel crying out loud.
"Where is my hippo!!!!!!?????? I want my hippo!!!!!!" Daniel whined (with his snotty nose...*lol* hehheh...) He blew his nose with the same tissue that dreamer gave to him before.
dreamer continued, "I think Ben's still off, shagging your hippo, Daniel. I don't think he realized she was a man yet..."
As dreamer said this, a new girl none of them had seen before walked into the bathroom. Or at least they thought they didn't know her. It was Ada, but she was dressed like such a skater, no one even recognized her. She was complaining about how she lost her "I Luv Silverchair" necklace, to no one in particular, when she saw everyone congregated in the bathroom, and heard extremely feminine cries from the bathroom stall. "Hey everyone. Who's that in the stall?"
"Oh yeah, hehe," chuckled KelNino Feo-faragher, "That's just that guy. Um, Daniel Johns. you know, he sings in some band. What's it called, Junta?"
Junta glared at KelNino angrily. "Nirvana, you dummy. You don't know what band Daniel sings in?" she snarled. Suddenly, Ada began to wheeze and break out in hives. dreamer ran to her side, questioning if she was going to be OK. Ada began to cough up blood and last night's dinner.
"No!" she managed to whisper through the liquid she choked upon. "No! silverchair! He's in silverchair!"
At that moment, Daniel came out of the stall and saw Ada, lying in dreamer's arms, gasping for breath and suffering from massive convulsions.
"My god! It's finally happened!" he shouted.
"What's happened?" said KelNino, sitting next to her beloved Ada, who was in great pain.
"That's Ada, right? She's the chosen one!"
"Chosen for what?" queried Junta. Daniel flipped his hair around for a moment as everyone watched, well, except for Ada. By now, her heart was failing.
"Pardon?" he finally answered.
"What is the chosen one?!" Junta screamed, "Is Ada gunna be OK?!"
"Who's Ada?" said Daniel.
"Um, Mr. Johns, you just said that Ada was the chosen one, you know this girl right here. I think she's going to die if we don't find a way to help her." Ada stared up at Daniel, spitting up blood, waiting for his answer. At that moment, Robin walked into the girls' bathroom.
"Oops!" he exclaimed, "Wrong bathroom. Why must I be so bloody stupid? And I thought KelNino was dumb! Very sorry, girls, I didn't know tha- Daniel? Okay, what is Daniel Johns doing in the girls' bathroom?" He looked down at Ada. "Ada? What's going on here? What happened?!"
Ben followed Robin, but had left the hippo several minutes before. "Oh. This can't be bloody good, could it. What happened to the chick?" said Ben.
"Oh, well. We were talking about Nirvana, when she just spazzed out. Oh, and by the way, Daniel, you don't want these pants back, do you?"
"Hey!" shouted Ben, "Those are mine! I was wondering where they went! How'd you get them?!"
"Daniel was wearing them," replied Junta, but Ben was clearly confused. "Why would Daniel want to wear leather? Dannyboy, does this mean you'll finally put some pork on your fork?"
"Shut up, Ben!" Daniel hissed back.
"People!" screamed dreamer, "Can someone please help Ada?!!!! She needs help!"
"Oh, yes, jolly good." answered Ben, "Hey Danny, is she the chosen one you think?"
"I don't know" said Daniel. "Maybe, we could wait and see." They turned back to Ada, but she was already dead. Junta began to cry and ran to Robin's arms.
"Ok, Junta! I'm letting you do that just because you're my sister and I love you! If it was anybody else-" Robin walked over, holding Junta, and held KelNino with his other arm. "Okay, nevermind" she said ubruptly.
dreamer whimpered quietly with the dead Ada in her arms. "Ada, we all loved you, even though you set up that stupid fan club for Robin. You were a great soul and a great friend - " Suddenly, Ada's woke and she took a deep, steady breath. Her eyes were a deep red and her muscles twitched.
"She *is* the chosen one!" shouted Ben.
"What's going on?!" screamed dreamer as she scrambled away from the posessed Ada.
Daniel began to tell the story of the chosen one. "Well, you see, Earth has evil forces that tear at our hearts and do terrible things to people, so every so many years, someone is chosen to fight this evil."
"Kinda like Buffy that vampire chick?" asked KelNino Feo-faragher, who had gotten tired of Robin's cheap cologne and had moved away from him.
"Exactly!" answered Ben. He helped to get Ada back on her feet, but everyone else had moved away from her because her eyes were beginning to change colors rapidly and she started babbling in some unknown language. Natalie the hippo had waltzed in just then, and Ada (The Chosen One) blew her to shreds with her finger. Daniel started spazzing for a moment, but then realized he never needed Natalie because he was madly in love with his wannabe, Robin. He turned to Robin, grabbed him, and thrust himself into a deep liplock with the Brunette Brit. Robin struggled to get away, but because he was so weak, all he could manage to do was roll his eyes around in his head and try to bite Daniel's tongue.
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