Part 22
"You mean you're still speaking to him after all the pranks he 'fessed up to?" dreamer laughed. "Well, the last time I saw him, he was sleeping in that big walk-in closet - something to do with how he never gets sleep anymore and he's sick and tired of all of this mystery stuff we do." Back to silverchair stuff
"Hey! We're heroes, though!" cried fireangel.
"You guys, we left Heath up there by himself and my Aunty isn't here now!" Ada screamed.
The bathroom pioneers ran into the other room where the big closet was. There was Ada's aunt, on top of Heath, holding a pillow to his face. Kelnino, Ash, and Shayla all had to use their strength to pull Ada's Aunty off and try to save Heath, but it was to late. When she was pulled away, Heath wasn't breathing.
"Quick, do CPR!" screamed Ash in a panic as she shoved dreamer's face on top of Heath's mouth.
(Webmaster's note: Don't blame me, blame Ash!)
However, Heath was already breathing on his own. "That isn't going to work! The only way we can save Heath is by making him eat some Goobers. But we have to somehow wake him up, or he'll choke on them," said Ada.
Then John had a brilliant idea. "Unless we liquefy them!"
"How do you figure we do that, John?" asked Shayla.
"We have to - "
"Find a food processor!" dreamer interrupted as she quickly reapplied her lipstick. "Ada, please tell me your aunty has one!"
"She does. I'll get it." Ada scampered off to the kitchen while the other bathroom pioneers tied up Ada's crazy aunty and locked her in the shower.
Meanwhile, Heath was regaining consciousness. "What the..." He realized there was something sticky on his face and began to wipe it off. However, his vision was a bit blurry, and he thought dreamer's red lipstick was something else. "Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!" He finished wiping off the stuff, thinking it was ketchup and bananas. "Err, say Daniel," Heath started. "I wonder if the dudes working in the ketchup factory eat MEAT for lunch!"
Daniel covered his mouth and ran out of the room. Meanwhile, Ada's aunt was struggling against all those who attempted to hold her down. "To hell with this!" KelNino shouted. Finally she just grabbed a rock and stuffed it down her throat. The aunt stiffened and fell to the ground.
"Say, she was jolly insane, wasn't she?" Heath stated. He started to get up, but tripped over Steve, who was deeply kissing the pillow that the aunt had been trying to kill him with.
"Oh, hey guys!" Steve stated jovially. "I'd like you to meet Mark." He pointed to the pillow.
"The pillow?" Heath raised an eyebrow.
"Mark?" KelNino bit her lip. "Does that mean you're gay?"
Steve looked shocked as he pressed his beloved Mark closer to his chest. "No! Dammit, what makes you think that?!"
"Well, you're making out with a pillow named Mark..." Junta said.
"So?" Steve was very upset.
"Oh, are you homophobic then?" Dirk Diggler said as he walked casually through the door.
(Webmaster's note: I don't know how Dirk and Steve got into this story, so don't ask me.)
"No!"
"Oh, I think you are," Dirk said nonchalantly.
"I'm not!"
"Yeah, well a homophobic would deny being gay, you know..."
"I'm not homophobic!" Steve grabbed a shoe and threw it at Dirk. The shoe hit Robin smack in the head as he entered the room.
"Ouch! That really hurt!" Robin said, rubbing his shoe-inflicted wound. "Damn! Who threw that shoe?"
"Steve," Dirk answered. "Because he's homophobic."
"I'm not homophobic, gay, or anything!" Steve screamed.
"Well, your sexual partner *is* a pillow named Mark," KelNino said gently.
"You all are just jealous of my meaningful relationship! You all have never had sex like me and Mark because he's the best lover on this side of the pond!"
Robin spoke up, saying "Oh yes, and I'm the best on the other side!" He stood up straight and smiled.
"Damn right!" Steve smiled and winked. Robin returned the wink.
"Uh, I do believe this conversation has gotten way out of hand," KelNino said, trying to hold down her vomit. Dirk and Steve continued to argue as they left Ada's aunt's house as suddenly as they had mysteriously appeared.
"Jolly has!" Ben said. "Why don't we go downstairs and watch some "Celebrity Deathmatch" on the telly? I hear they have Britney versus Christina on this week."
Ada interrupted him. "But hasn't every day so far been a celebrity death match?"
"Technically, but isn't it just so much more entertaining to see it in claymation! And to watch them beat each other up, to equally annoying pop stars, then to have us do it?"
Ash had to butt in. "Um, guys, I think we have a problem." They all turned around to look at Ash and found her pointing at green goo oozing out from a crack in the wall.
"Oh my God!" Ada said, suddenly running to the door that led to the hallway. "That could only be Auntie's creation!"
"What creation?" Ben asked.
"My auntie used to be a chemist some time ago. After a while, the chemical fumes kind of got to her brain and she made this, this...*thing*!"
"And did she go crazy at about this time?" KelNino asked.
"You got it. That blob-thing is still here, I don't know if it will hurt us, but we'd better watch out, just in case."
"Hey, I've got an idea," said rockstar. "Daniel, you wouldn't happen to have any baking soda in your backpack, would you?"
He did. rockstar sprinkled some on the floor by the doorway while dreamer and Daniel plugged the wall crack with some clay that Daniel also just happened to have in his backpack.
After a minute, there was a sudden, brief noise reminiscent of a hissing cat.
"Did you hear that?" junta asked her siggie sister.
The noise came again, louder this time, carrying with it a sudden, strong gust of wind.
"Ewww!" Chris grumbled, wiping green ooze off his face. "What the hell is going on?"
"Guys, I think the baking soda is making the blob sneeze!" dreamer hissed.
And indeed it was! Within one minute, a loud wheezy noise was heard, followed by a louder explosion that soaked all the bathroom pioneers in green slime.
"And *I* think the blob just sneezed itself to death," quipped Heath. "Ada, does your nutty aunt have a bathroom other than the one where we left her tied up?"
"Nope, my auntie was never one for personal hygiene," said Ada.
"Hey, you guys! There's a lake outside that we can clean off in!" cried Ash in discovery. The group filed through the rock-filled house and walked down a narrow, dark path. They got to the lake and stared at the bottom. It couldn't be seen, though, because of the many murky black spots.
"You go first," said rockstar as she pushed in her friend fireangel, who went in head first and disappeared for a few seconds. She suddenly popped out of the lake breathing heavily. fireangel then grabbed rockstar's ankle and pulled her in. Slowly the pioneers climbed in the lake to wash off.
Robin glanced at Daniel before taking off his ever-present flannel shirt. He *thought* Daniel was looking at him...or was he?
Meanwhile, another bathroom pioneer was getting just a bit annoyed with Ben. "Gillies, if I catch you ogling me one more time, I swear I'll kick your arse," growled junta in a fake Irish accent.
All of a sudden, KelNino turned around and out of the corner of her eye she saw two people making out. It was...Chris and Ben?! No, that couldn't be right. They were both rather straight so she had to have been mistaken. The closer she got, however, did not change her thought. It was definitely Chris and Ben! "Bloody hell, you two! I though you were both pretty straight. Chris, didn't you have a girlfriend! I guess it's semi-understandable from Ben, after all, he's Ben. But Chris! WHY?!"
"Because the bastard's drunk! And I'm not!" Daniel whined.
Both Ada and §cars were going to yell for Daniel to shut up, but instead they turned around on hearing a sudden noise. It was Steve's pillow popping! The pillow sunk to the bottom of the lake beneath the murky blackness. Steve began to panic.
"Dear Ford! Mark! Mark!" He dived underneath the water, but came up empty-handed. "Mark, I taught you to swim! Oh Ford! Dear Ford! Mark!"
Meanwhile, KelNino was wondered what was going on..."Er, Steve, what's wrong?"
"Mark! Please Ford, Mark is drowning! He sank!" He shrieked back in hysteria.
"How the hell does a wanking pillow sink?" Robin asked. "And who the wanking queer is Ford?"
Junta elbowed Robin and mumbled, "Stupid Brits. Probably never read "Brave New World," did you?"
Robin gave her a puzzled look, but didn't care to ask what she meant.
(Webmaster's note: Click here to find out what Junta meant.)
"We have to save Mark!" Steve screamed.
KelNino thought for a moment "Um, we can turn into mermaids and go save him...I guess that could work..."
Shayla rolled her eyes. "So, smartass, how do you propose we do that?"
"Well, we could use my magic alien sunglasses..." KelNino whipped out her nifty sunglasses that had huge lenses shaped like alien eyes. One by one, the bathroom pioneers put on the glasses and *voila!* they were able to breath underwater.
"Now what?" Shayla bubbled.
"How should I know? I never read some stupid book called 'Brave New World'. And all that Ford crap Steve was being such a sissy queer about.." Robin said.
"Well, at least it's not Hawaiian day, you know..." KelNino replied. The group nodded in assentment. They heard splashing coming from the watter's surface above them and saw Daniel doing a bunch of dolphin dives and spins.