Part 41
"A shower??" Daniel asked, baffled at the thought. Back to silverchair stuff
KearBear sniffed under her arm, and was immediately followed in her action by the rest of the pioneers.
"Say, we smell like bloody s**t!" Robin yelled, tilting his head away from the odor.
"Yeah, when was the last time we showered?" asked Shayde.
"Who bloody cares!" Robin whined.
"Yes!" Daniel pleaded. "If I shower, my hair will get all messed up and then I'll have to wait another month to get it jolly well nive again."
"By taking a shower, your hair will get messed up?" Scars asked.
"Well, it'll get all clean..." Daniel said.
"Fine, well, I'm going off to cleanse my stinky self..." Kelnino walked towards the showers when she noticed something strange about the place they landed. In the distance she saw a field tended by people with bigger men watching over them. "Hey, are those guys- they are!" One of the bigger men brought down a whip upon the back of a girl. "That bastard! He's gonna pay!"
"I'll say!" Daniel whined. "I bet they beat their dogs too! Oh, how awful, whipping innocent little dogs-"
"Shut up, Daniel. Come on, we're going to get those people out of that field. Why are they putting up with that?"
"They're probably slaves. Redwing was right to bring us here..." Flash looked painfully at the field workers.
"Okay, then, let's get the wankers!" Robin yelled. "Plantation owners suck the big one!" With that, the pioneers ran screaming, waving their magic wands above their heads, and began attacking the fieldhand watchers.
"BITE MY BUM!" KoMBuCHa DRaVeN CRoW said out of nowhere all of a sudden, as she appeared behind a bush.
"Dravenish!" Kelnino and Junta screamed in gleeful unison. They ran up and hugged their dravenish friend.
"Hey! I said bite my bum! You know, Confucius say 'man who go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with sticky finger!'" KoMBuCHa DRaVeN CRoW pointed out.
"My bum is on the cheese! My bum is on the cheese..." Kelnino sang. "And if I'm lucky, I'll get a disease! My bum is one the Swedish...Swedish...Swedish...And that's not very fun, when you fall down and hurt your bum. I like to put my bum on things, it's fun for everyone..."
"Shut up, KelNino!" Kearbear slapped KelNino.
"What?" KelNino said. "I was just having fun!"
"Well don't turn into a rock star, okay?"
"Tom Green is not a rock star!" Kelnino argued. "For one thing, he doesn't really have any talent. Two, he doesn't play an instrument, unless you consider your ass an instrument-"
"I bloody do!" Robin slapped his tight ass. "Any one of you can play my bum any bloody time you like!"
Kelnino cringed and continued. "And three - there's no way Tom Green is a rock star because he's never worn leather pants before."
"I haven't worn leather pants!" Daniel argued.
"Yes you have, you just didn't know they were leather. You idiot. Robin still has them on."
"And I look damn good in them!" Robin cocked his hip. "Because I'm a sexy bitch! That's what I am." He pulled a banana out of his pants and began to lick it in a rather obscene manner.
"I think you suck a big one..." Ben mumbled under his breath.
Maenwhile, Daniel was thinking aloud, "Oh yeah...oh &#%@, what was I thinking! Waaaah!" He sat down on the ground and began to cry. "A poor, innocent crocodile died for those pants! How could I - "
"What kind of an animal rights activist are you, Daniel!" Ben rolled his eyes in sarcasm as Chris tried to comfort poor Daniel.
"Enough already!" Flash yelled. "We've got to save those fieldhand slaves!"
And so they did. Within 20 minutes, the supervisors had all been caught, interrogated, and vaporized by the pioneers. As dreamer put it, "I hate to be the one who puts this out there, but no truly civilized society would have room for excessively cruel people."
The field hands cheered, cried, and thanked the pioneers. "The boss never knew what was going on, and none of us ever had the chance to tell her, because we were so afraid of the supervisors," one explained.
"Well, we're glad we could help," Junta said.
"Uh, guys? We, uh, still kind of need to shower," Kelnino pointed out. Nobody could argue with that (except for Daniel, but he was no match for Ben, Chris, *and* his brothers), so the pioneers walked back to the truck stop.
"It's a good thing I grabbed these while we were at my house," dreamer said, taking huge bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash - plus a bar of soap - out of her turquoise duffel bag. However, Daniel refused to enter the shower area. "Daniel!" dreamer pleaded. "You stink! Come on, take a freaking shower already!"
He crossed his arms and said "No!" dreamer thought for a moment before whispering something to KelNino and Sky. They nodded in agreement and turned back to Daniel. "What are you looking at?" he said angrily. Without answering, they leapt upon him. Kelnino got him in a headlock and Sky tied his jacket around Daniel's arms. dreamer helped them drag Daniel into the showers, where they held his head under water, periodically pulling it out to lather it up again with Herbal Essence.
"Cheesus!" Kelnino exclaimed as she held Daniel down. "He needs more than Herbal Essence! We need Orvus or some other industrial cleaner!"
"Nah! Just wait for the sensual herbs and scents to kick in! Come on, I urge you to keep trying!" dreamer said as she pulled Daniel's head out and he gasped for breath.
"Urge..." Daniel said in a rather feminine manner. "I've got the urge..."
Suddenly, three very large, studly men waltzed into the shower singing, "He's got the urge to herbal. He can Herbal in the shower...for another half an hour! He's got the urge!"
"Natural botanicals!" Robin joined in.
"He's got the Urge!"
"Oh! OH!" Daniel moaned as the men sang and washed his hair. Confetti and rose petals blew around the room and the scent of Herbal Essence invaded the bathroom pioneers' nostrils.
"I just can't take that #%@$ing commercial anymore!!" KelNino shouted. She summoned energy, and with one graet flashing bolt of lightning, she struck the big studly men. The rose petals and confetti disapeared, the scent faded away. The big studly men lay twitching on the floor.
"Ow! I got suds in my eyes! Ow!" Daniel whined as he tried to wipe away the Herbal Essence.
"That's better," Kelnino said in relief. She grabbed the bottles of Herbal Essence products that dreamer had brought and tossed them in the trash can. "Now will someone pass me some soap? I need to wash my stinky self." Kearbear tossed her a bar as the other pioneers got into the showers.
"I wonder if they have banana shampoo?" asked Robin, stumbling through the showers as Daniel ran out of his shower with one hand in one eye and a towel in the other hand.
"Ack! S**t!! This stuff bloody shagging stings!"
"Ha ha ha, stop your whining," said the freshly-clean Junta as she stepped out of her shower.
"I don't wanna stop whining!" Daniel yelled as his eyes started to get puffy.
"Fine, then whine all you want. We're going to leave. We've got to go find something to do. I mean, we're wasting our powers. I mean, we REALLY need to go kill some pop stars or something," Junta said.
"Oh, hey! Well, on the WB you know they have that really freaky 'Pop Stars' show? Well, we could go kill those preppy bitches to get back into the swing of things," KearBear said nonchalantly. "I mean, that wouldn't be too hard, would it?"
"How would you know anyway, KearBear?" asked KelNino. "You don't even have any powers! You can't kill anyone!"
"Yeah!" agreed Daniel.
"Daniel, what are you talking about? You don't have any powers either!" Flash yelled, standing beside KearBear for support.
"Eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!" KearBear yelled as she lunged at KelNino. "I am so sick of this! I'm JUST as important to this group than any of you are!"
The two pioneers began fighting, but Flash stepped in and pushed them apart. KearBear struggled to get out of his arms as Ben (who had been working out) got KelNino and held her back. KelNino started to growl and KearBear looked back, shocked.
"What the hell is wrong with her?" asked KearBear
"She's growling at me! Has she ever growled like that before?"
The other pioneers looked at her in shock. Ben let go of her, beginning to be afraid for his life. Saurus, Redwing, dreamer, Junta, Ada, Daniel, Robin, and the others started to back into a corner as the growling KelNino advanced on KearBear, who was now holding onto Flash to help her.
"Um...KelNino..." KearBear stammered.
"Raaaah!" she growled. "I am SATAN!"
"Uh-huh...she cracked." Junta decided. Suddenly, Kelnino stoppped growling. She cocked her head to the side, eyes wide like a curious cat, and burped. Then she fell over and hit the floor with a sickening thud.
"Uh-huh..." Kearbear agreed.
"How about some Chik-Fil-A!" Ada exclaimed. "And we'll pay it all in nickels and dimes!"
"Sounds good to me!" Ash agreed.
Daniel started to argue. "I don't think I could bring myself to - "
"Oh shut up, sissy man." Robin purred. "Just get a salad, for pete's sake. I could go for a zesty chicken sandwich..."
"Robin, I thought you didn't eat meat?"
"Gadzooks! I just can't eat beef, with all that bloody mad cow disease over on the big isle! Come on, eat more chicken!"