Part 8
"Oooooooah. Damn...&%#$, that hurts like an undigested banana..." Robin moaned, interrupting the sacred musical songwriting experience. KelNino rushed to his side. Robin's hair flickered between platinum curls and a greasy poop brown. His eyes had returned to their original shade rather than a sea green. Somehow, the live Daniel singing was counteracting the effect of Ricky's bite. Back to silverchair stuff
"More! &%#$ it all and sing more, Daniel!" KelNino shouted, but Daniel seem puzzled. "Damnit, Dannyboy, your singing is helping him! Play that high quality banjo if you want your wannabe and true love to survive!". Daniel, upon hearing "true love" continued singing, and as he sang, Robin got better.
Robin jumped to his feet. "Jolly good, let's progress," he said. Everyone left the room, now filled with the germs of Ricky and Jessica.
Outside the real fireangel was laying on the cement staring in awe at it. After she joined the group, they all continued their trek to Florida where they were to kill the Backstreet Boys, when one of those 98* ingrates jumped out from behind a bush and attempted to stab Robin, who splattered all over the concrete. This caused KelNino to scream out in rage. She yelled, "Who turned my hubby into poo!!"
A mysterious voice answered, "Me, because he was getting a big ego, and he was thinking he was all that and a side dish of ketchup." Then, light shed upon the speaker...and it was...Shayla, who had started to become very anti-Robin. She was very pissed at him and had been working with *KoMBuCHa DRaVeN CRoW* to build an anti-Robin club.
"Damn you, Robin!" Junta screamed beside her trembling sister. "You always were such a wanker!"
KelNino crouched down on the pavement staring at the pile that was Robin. How could this happen? How could they do this? KelNino jumped to her feet. This couldn't be...
Just then, KelNino awoke, bonking her head on a glass pane. She was locked in what seemed to be a glass coffin wearing a uniform of (*gasp!* damn those preppies) khakis and an Abercrombie shirt. KelNino ripped the feedlines out of her arm, raised the glass lid, and peered around her. The room was filled as far as she could see with glass coffins like the one she was laying in and she could vaguely see a body in each one. The IVs feeding into her arms were labeled with "Mornophin", a generic brand of morphine.
"Holy Shnikies..." KelNino gasped, raising herself onto the concrete floor.
As she walked down the isle of pods, she looked into several of them - Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Bradley Nowell from Sublime, River Phoenix...and further down she saw the entire group of bathroom pioneers including Robin, Ada, Junta, James, dreamer, fireangel, and several others. How could this have happened? Then it came to her...the Britney Virus. Maybe the appearance of Jessica Simpson triggered it, because everything after that had seemed so *blurry,* so *wrong*...
KelNino bashed through the glass of Robin's coffin, ripping the tubes out of his arm. He opened his eyes.
"Huh?" he mumbled. "What the...KelNino?" KelNino helped him up.
"Robin," she started, "have you ever seen The Matrix?" Robin nodded. "Well, I think this is what's happening. I think somehow pop controls our world, like the Matrix. It wasn't real, Robin...and look, Elvis isn't dead...Haven't you noticed that all the rock stars that get too big, just die? That must be their way of controlling us - by eliminating our idols." Robin looked a little lost in the morphine, but he seemed to understand the situation.
"All that wasn't real..." he garbled. KelNino took a good look at him, eeewww, he was bald. Oh yuck, now that she thought of it, so was she.
KelNino rubbed the scarce fuzz on her head as she continued to speak. "Come on, we have to get the other bathroom pioneers out of there - " but, just as they were lifting the lid of Ada's pod, a shadow appeared in the door far down the hall of the warehouse...
(*gasp*) It was...
Britney herself. KelNino grabbed Robin's arm and pulled him to the floor with him. Britney's heels clicked as she walked through the pods. She stopped when she noticed that two bodies were missing. Ada tried to remain motionless so as not to be seen. Kelnino and Robin slid under one of the coffins into a large pile of glitter gel - ahh s**t!
Just then Britney shot Robin in the back of the head with a laser gun, and said to KelNino, "I wanted you all for myself, so we could have babies! But nooo! Robin piece-of-poo had to get in the way of my glorious plans - that's why I shot him, and next I'm gonna shoot all your friends!"
As those words rung out in the room, someone opened the door...it was a mysterious blonde female named...
Daniel Johns... somehow he wasn't put in the pods!
"I am going to save the world!" he proclaimed.
"Will you take that stupid cape off, pretty-boy?" asked James from the back of the door (James had found Daniel playing on the freeway and felt like returning him).
Daniel came up to Britney and punched her in the left boob. She was unfazed by his weak punches. So Daniel got out his pocket knife (only used for veggies, mind you) and stabbed her in the right boob. She was still unfazed as he pulled out the knife and the first layer of implants came with it. She backhanded him and he flew away.
KelNino stood up and helped Ada out of her coffin.
"I thought we killed you...?" asked Ada as they stood to face the unevenly-chested Britney.
"I am Britney! You have to hit me baby one more time for me to die!"
"Ahh not again..." whined KelNino.
Robin (who, of course, wasn't really dead) pulled himself up and freed dreamer, ash, rockstar, fireangel, junta, and almost Kombucha until Britney realized something else was going on in the room (she isn't that smart) so they all got up and swiftly closed in on her. Within seconds Britney was tied to a pillar. She was struggling, but the bathroom pioneers had bought themselves some time.
Suddenly dreamer noticed a wooden-handled broom in the corner. Thinking quickly, she asked, "Is anyone here good with woodcarving?"
Everyone knew exactly what she was thinking. Daniel handed his knife to fireangel, who whittled the end to a very sharp point.
"Okay, that's good!" Robin shouted. fireangel handed the knife back to Daniel, who wouldn't take it (animals could have lived in the tree that wood came from, you know!)
As fireangel thrust the stake through Britney's heart, she mumbled her last words...
"POP MUSIC WILL NEVER DIE! HA HA HA!"
"Ah, but it will. But unfortunately, you won't be alive to see its end," Ada explained. But Britney was dead before Ada could finish. She shrugged and went back to the group. "Ya know, we have Daniel here, but how come we don't have Heath? He's a cool little Goober, I think we should have Heath join the group of Chosen and Unchosen."
Daniel thought about this a moment. "But if Heath comes..." Just then Heath showed up! Daniel, upon seeing his little brother, began shrieking uncontrollably and hid in the corner.
"What did you do to him, Heath?" dreamer yelped.
"Well, I used to put dead squirrels in the shower and sometimes worms and stuff in his drawers, heh heh," Heath chuckled. The group laughed. "Hey..." Heath interrupted, "Did Danny ever find those alligator pants? Haha." Daniel was outraged.
"YOU DID THAT YOU LITTLE #%@$?! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL!" Daniel was shaking like a sissy.
"Okay, guys," KelNino interrupted, "I'd like to point out that that was not real...we're in the real world now. That was all some dream..."
The group was shocked. How could that be? Robin attempted to explain...but obviously couldn't. Shayla wouldn't allow him to. Shayla had decided to join the group of chosen and unchosen. After all, she was the reincarnated soul of John Bonham. So she would fit in just fine. The group would probably be better off with her anyway. She was just such a cool person. After Shayla had joined the group, Daniel and Heath continued their brotherly bickering. "Heath, how could you put those pants in my room!" screamed Daniel.
"Well, you were eating my Goobers! So there!"
KelNino interrupted, "Stop it, you guys! We have a mission now!"
"Wait!" fireangel said, interrupting KelNino, "I was wondering, if we were in the incubation pods as a threat to pop and *none* of all that happened, how did we get here? The only one I knew was rockstar, and the two of us didn't pose a threat. We all met on that "imaginary" journey, so how *did* we get here?"
"No, that's not it. We're here because the exposure to the Britney virus knocked us all out. Everything else was real," dreamer explained.
"Including the alligator pants?" Daniel asked. He was sweating profusely and had turned even paler than usual.
"Yup."
Daniel let out a yelp.
"Chill, dude, I told you earlier that it's not your fault."
Heath snickered. "Stow it, Blondie," ordered Junta. "On second thought, we can deal with you later. We're not done with Britney just yet."
"So what else do we do?" asked Ben, who hadn't taken his eyes off her remaining enhanced boob.
KelNino grinned. "Anyone got a match?"