(One year later)
Twenty-year-old Alanna Murray straightened out the jacket of her chic pantsuit as she walked through the office of Tampa Daily Magazine.
“Hey Alanna.” Bruce Madison said as Alanna walked past him. She smiled and smoothed the bun that held her long brown hair, pushing the curly tendrils that she had left down out of her face.
“Good morning Alanna.” Vivienne Martin said, sipping her coffee.
“Morning Viv.” Alanna responded, through clenched teeth. As much as Alanna hated Vivienne, she was still Alanna’s boss, and Alanna was required to be respectful.
It had been a year since Alanna had left O-town’s tour, but the pain was still as fresh as if it had been just yesterday. Alanna had finally found Ashley Parker Angel, after leaving to go to college, and she thought that things were finally going to be okay. Ashley was the first person to really show any kind of love toward Alanna, a love that Alanna had desperately craved. Her own parents had deprived her of that love and it had deeply scarred Alanna. When she found out that she couldn’t have a relationship with Ashley, she fought the feelings that she had for him, and eventually, Vivienne forced Alanna to leave, thinking that Alanna was a distraction to Ashley. Alanna had planned to just write a letter, then leave, but Ashley had walked in. The anger that Alanna had seen in his eyes, the things that he had said to her, the way he walked out on her, all of it was fresh, and it felt like being stabbed in the heart.
An exaggerated sigh escaped as Alanna sat down at her desk. Vivienne had set a list of the errands that needed to be done on Alanna’s desk. Copies, miscellaneous errands, nothing meaningful. Alanna dropped the pile of papers on her desk and put her head in her hands.
It was time to face the facts. She was unhappy, even with Brett. Alanna sighed. Brett Hunter was Alanna’s current boyfriend. It wasn’t like she was totally unhappy with him. She just didn’t feel the sparks that she did with Ashley. Brett’s problem was that he had too much confidence. He treated Alanna almost like she was some sort of conquest, and got quite angry when she tried to leave him; she had tried many times. The worst thing was, in spite of everything, she loved him. Alanna knew that it was some twisted attempt to just have someone love her. It was something that she had craved. Ashley had loved her, really loved her, and as much as Alanna had wanted it, she was scared by it.
Brett was an attempt to replace Ashley, and an unsuccessful one at that. Ashley had been sweet, special, and nothing short of incredible. On the other hand, Brett was arrogant, confident, and borderline abusive.
To make a long story short, Alanna was truly miserable.
**********************************
(Flashback)
“Why did you fly me out here?” Twenty year old Ashley Parker Angel looked up at his ex girlfriend. Shelli stood in front of him, her hand on her hip. Ashley sighed.
“I missed you Shell.” He shrugged. “That’s all there is to it.” Shelli looked into his cerulean eyes, searching for alterior motives.
“I heard that you fell in love with someone on your PR team.” Ashley looked down at the ground.
“It’s over. Come to think about it, there was really nothing there in the first place.” Shelli snorted in disgust.
“Bullshit. I saw how happy you were after you met her Ashley. She was the love of your life and I think that you’re full of shit when you try to tell me that there was never really anything there.” Ashley shrugged his broad shoulders.
“What can I say? Even though she’s been searching for love her whole life, something her parents deprived her of, the thought of feeling a love as deep as we shared still scared her.” Ashley shook his head. “Not to mention the fact that my PR rep is an icy bitch.” Shelli looked at him skeptically, as if she couldn’t believe that he was standing in front of her.
“So what happened?” Ashley kept his eyes trained on the ground, knowing that if he met Shelli’s eyes, his eyes would give away his true feelings.
“Viv told me that I had to stay away from her and then she told Alanna that she wasn’t needed on the tour anymore.” Shelli shook her head.
“That’s too bad.” She raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow. “What does that have to do with me?” Ashley took a deep breath.
“I want to try us again.” Her eyes grew wide when she heard his request. “Go out with me, Shell.” She nodded.
“Okay. But,” She looked at him, her delicate features all serious. “I’m not her and I refuse to be with you if all you can think about is her. It’s a waste of my time.” Ashley swallowed hard, and said the bitter lies.
“No lie, Shell. You’re the only one that I’m thinking about.”
(End Flashback)
That was how Ashley had gotten to where he was today. He was by the pool at the house that O-town shared, lounging, and remembering the events that had transpired there with Alanna. It was a good thing that Shelli wasn’t around because she would see right through him.
Although it had been a year since Ashley had last seen Alanna, he still missed her terribly. He missed her touch, her kisses, the feeling of normalcy that she brought. Everything felt absolutely perfect when he was around her. No matter how hard he tried, things weren’t like that with Shelli. Shelli had been Ashley’s first love, but consequently he had grown out of it. The love that he and Alanna had for each other was deeper and more serious than the love between him and Shelli.
The more that Ashley was with Shelli, the more he realized that he wasn’t in love with her anymore. It had been a part of his past; she had been his first love. Ashley finally realized that Shelli was a desperate attempt to hang onto some part of Redding, and the old Ashley, just like it had been with Alanna. The difference with Alanna? He was in love with her, heart and soul.
Ashley sighed. He needed to bury his feelings for Alanna, or he could screw things up with Shelli. He had to pretend that he didn’t love Alanna, that Shelli was the only thing that he could see.
Ashley was truly miserable.
********************************
Alanna returned to her apartment in downtown Orlando after another tiring day at work. She was a sought after writer, but her work at Tampa Daily wasn’t challenging and Alanna figured it was because Viv was her boss. Vivienne Martin had it in for Alanna ever since Ashley had the balls to tell her that he was in love with Alanna. Viv had thought that it would have been bad press for Ashley to date a member of his PR team. Vivienne had told Alanna that she was still part of O-towns public relations team, Alanna reasoned, so she couldn’t go after Ashley. I screwed that up, Alanna thought as she threw her keys down on the table by the door. She had ruined any chance that her and Ashley had when she had chose her job over him. To this day, Alanna didn’t really understand why she had done what she had done. Her job would come and go, but her love for Ashley would never die. She had just settled down on the couch when her phone rang.
“Hello?” Alanna said.
“Hey Lan.” Alanna sighed when she heard Brett’s unmistakable voice use a much hated nickname. Where the hell did he get that nickname anyway? Alanna thought to herself. “What are you doing?”
“I just got in. Long day at work.” Brett laughed.
“I had a great day. Get dressed. I want you to wear that slinky red dress that you have. We’re going out to dinner.” Alanna sighed again.
“All right. Do you want me to wear my hair up?”
“No. I want it down so I can play with it. I’ll pick you up at nine.” He hung up and Alanna just stared at the phone.
What had happened? She never used to let guys tell her what to wear or how to wear her hair. Alanna had always been independent, not wanting people to tell her what to do. Sighing again, she glanced at the clock. 8:25. Leave it to Brett to only leave me thirty five minutes to get ready, Alanna thought as she headed to her bedroom. She quickly changed and went to go redo her makeup, hating the way the red dress clung to her body like a second skin. It had no straps and was made of soft red velvet. The hem of the dress ended just above mid thigh, making Alanna feel uncomfortable when she wore it. She always felt like a hooker when she wore that dress. She had put the finishing touches on her makeup when she heard him knock on the door.
He breezed right past her when she opened the door, not bothering to wait for an invite. Alanna shut the door, waiting for him to say something.
“Is that eyeliner you’re wearing? It looks horrible. And that eyeshadow? Gross. Alanna, don’t ever wear that shade of eyeshadow ever again. It makes you look like a tramp.” Alanna put her hand on her hip.
“You better watch how you’re talking to me, Brett Hunter. I refuse to let someone tell me how to wear my makeup or that I look like a tramp. You continue to talk to me like that and you can have dinner alone.” Brett grabbed her arm and yanked her toward him.
“Shut your mouth, tramp.” Brett spat out. Alanna shrank back, trying to pull away. It just succeeded in making him hold on tighter. “I refuse to let my woman talk to me that way. Now let’s go.” He walked out the door, failing to notice the red mark that he had left on her arm, the outline of his hand print.
He took her to a fancy restaurant, nothing new. Brett had money, and he liked to flaunt it. They hardly said a word during dinner; Alanna didn’t want to anger him in the restaurant and cause a scene. It had been a wonderful dinner, though it would have been better if she had been with someone who appreciated her, and didn’t treat her like she was an object. When they had gone outside, Alanna cleared her throat.
“We need to talk.” She glanced around, noticing that they were the only ones outside. “I think we should take a break. I don’t want to be with you anymore.” It surprised Brett more than Alanna when his palm cracked across her cheek, with enough force to leave a bruise.
“I don’t care.” Brett said through clenched teeth. “You’ll want to take a break when I want to take a break. You don’t leave me.” Alanna nodded numbly, her hand against her cheek. He dropped her off at home, peeling out of the parking lot without another thought. Alanna grabbed a plastic bag, filled it with some ice, and wrapped it in a towel. She lightly held the ice pack up to her cheek, wincing when the cold hit the bruise that was forming. When she looked in the mirror, the area was already starting to turn a weird mixture of purple and blue. Hoping to calm herself down, she turned on the radio, regretting it when a song came on that totally fit her life, and feeling about Ashley, right now.
It's been a long, long time
Since I looked into the mirror
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's
Getting clearer
Now that you're gone
Things will never be
The same again
There's not a minute
That goes by
Every hour of every day
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same girl
you used to know
I wish I said the words
I never showed
Alanna sat down on the couch, tears welling up and streaming down her cheeks. Leave it to a song to put everything that she was feeling into words.
I know you had to go away
I died just a little
And I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that
I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
Against her wishes, her mind lazily floated to Brett. She had tried her hardest to put her feelings for Ashley aside so that she could start over with Brett. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that in her attempt to replace Ashley, she had overlooked the angry tendencies that Brett had.
You know that silence is loud
When all you hear is your heart
And I wanted so badly
Just to be a part of
Something strong and true
But I was scared and
Left it all behind
I know you had to go away
I died just a little
And I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that
I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
Alanna realized that the main thing that had convinced her to leave and not fight Vivienne’s order was fear. Even though she had wanted the love that Ashley provided, it had scared her, deeply scared her, to the point that she didn’t want to fight Vivienne.
And I'm asking
And I'm wanting you
To come back to me
Please?
I never will forget
That look upon your face
How you turned away
And left without a trace
But I understand that
You did what
You had to do
And I thank you
Ashley had been the one to walk away the last time that Alanna had saw him, but she realized that he had done what he had to do. He had to try to protect himself from the pain of her leaving, the pain of thinking that she didn’t love him.
I know you had to go away
I died just a little
And I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that
I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
And it was there, in that small apartment, alone, Alanna started to sob. She sobbed for herself, for Ashley, and for the love she would probably never have again. But most of all, she sobbed for the love and the brokenhearted man that she had left behind.
Chapter Two
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