Alanna carefully covered up the bruise with foundation and powder before going to work the next day. When she was finished, none of the bruise showed, and no one would know but her.
She drove to work in a sullen mood, resenting the job that she was heading to. The plus side of the job was that she was writing. The only problem was, she was writing meaningless articles. While they were excellent, they had no real point or depth. She wanted to be writing fiction, to be able to weave the intricate webs that are people’s lives, to make people feel real emotions when they read her writing. She wasn’t doing that at Tampa Daily Magazine.
When Alanna’s biographies of the members of O-town hit the bookshelves, it brought her the level of fame that she had always wanted, the level of fame that she thought would make her parents actually pay attention to her. The people who read the bios were amazed at the depth and insight that she had into the guy’s personalities, especially Ashley. Who better to write a biography about Ashley Parker Angel than the woman who was in love with him?
When she walked into the office, Vivienne was there to greet her. Alanna sighed, not sure if she had the patience to deal with her pretentious boss.
“Hello Alanna.” Viv said brightly. Alanna suddenly regretted the fact that she didn’t have any coffee before coming in to work.
“Good morning, Vivienne.” Viv cleared her throat before speaking again to Alanna.
“I have a new assignment for you.” She motioned toward her office. “Come inside.” Alanna followed, bracing herself for whatever mundane task Vivienne had cooked up for her this time.
“Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love doing it.” Alanna said, having said it so many times she had it down pat. Vivienne smiled and shifted through some papers on her desk.
“I want you to be the main writer and editor for O-town’s website.” Alanna’s mouth dropped open.
“What?!” Vivienne gave her an annoyed looked.
“I want you to be the main writer and editor for O-town’s website.” She handed Alanna a stack of papers. “It means you’ll have to be back on their tour of course. Ashley has a girlfriend now, so I don’t have to worry about any improper relations between you two.” Alanna shot her a dirty look. “I know that the work you do here isn’t enough, especially with the notoriety you have received for the biographies. I think that it’s time for you to do more and this is the only thing I could think of. You leave tomorrow. I assume you still remember where the house is?” Alanna nodded, not sure if she had the strength to answer. “Good. You can leave now.” Alanna walked out of the office, her hands shaking.
She was going to see Ashley again. The thought was enough to make Alanna break down and cry. It had been over a year since she had told him that her job was more important than the love that they shared. It had been over a year since she had broken both of their hearts and walked out of his life, over a year since she had said goodbye to the best thing in her life.
For the rest of the day, Ashley was the only thing on her mind. It wasn’t like that was anything different. She brought her hand up to her cheek, barely touching the bruise that the makeup hid. She thought back to how loving Ashley had been, without a hint of anger or anything that would make him want to abuse her. If she hadn’t chosen her job over him, she wouldn’t be in this situation . . .
She continued to work, unsure of what to expect when she came face to face with Ashley again, and no idea how she was going to deal with the fact that he had a girlfriend already. Either way, they were going to have to deal with feelings that were not going to be denied, and the shit was really going to hit the fan.
*********************************
“You’re doing WHAT?” Alanna sighed and held the phone against her ear as she packed her stuff the next day.
“I’m going to be staying in a house with five guys, one of whom is my ex boyfriend, while I write for their website.” Under her breath she added, “I still love the aforementioned ex boyfriend ten times as much as I love you because he is ten times more the man than you’ll ever be.”
“Oh no you won’t. I refuse to let you.” Alanna laughed.
“You don’t control me and what I do. It is my life and my career and I’m going. That’s final. I don’t care what you have to say.” She hung up the phone, confident in the fact that he was probably going to smack her the next time she saw him. She grabbed her duffel bag and headed out to her car.
The house was about a half an hour drive from her apartment. Her heart was pounding, her hands were shaking as she pulled into the long winding driveway. Alanna was confident that she looked good; she wore tan pants with a snakeskin print on them, a black shirt that was tucked in, and black sandals. Her toenails were painted a coral color. Taking a deep breath, she rang the doorbell, growing more nervous as she heard footsteps inside. She let out a rush of air, not even realizing that she had been holding her breath when Trevor opened the door.
“Alanna?” She nodded. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m gonna be writing for your website.” Trevor nodded and stepped aside. Alanna stepped into the house and was assaulted by memories when she glanced at the pool area. Both her and Ashley had bared their souls in that pool area and Alanna looked away.
“Is Ashley here?” Alanna asked, almost afraid of the answer. Trevor nodded.
“All the guys are downstairs in the recording room. We were putting the finishing touches on some songs for the new album.” He motioned toward the stairs. “Want to come down?” Alanna nodded and they headed downstairs. Jacob, Erik, and Dan were sitting around on various couches while Ashley was in the room recording. Alanna was grateful for him being in there and it gave her time to gain some composure before she actually had to face him.
“Alanna!” The guys chorused when they saw her. Almost imperceptibly, they all turned their heads toward where Ashley was recording.
“What are you doing here?” Dan asked.
“You’re looking at the main writer and editor of your website. That also means that I have to be back on tour with you guys.” The guys nodded their heads.
“Sounds cool.” Erik said.
“It’s good to have you back.” Dan replied. Silence took over the group when Ashley stepped out of the recording booth. He didn’t look happy.
“Well if it isn’t Alanna Murray.” Ashley said sarcastically. The other guys got up.
“We’re gonna go get something to eat.” Dan said, as the rest of the guys followed suit. Ashley crossed his arms over his broad chest.
“Why are you here?” Ashley spat out. “Didn’t you do enough damage the last time you were here?” Alanna’s mouth dropped open.
“EXCUSE me?” Ashley grinned evilly.
“Breaking my heart and making me almost ruin my career for you wasn’t enough, was it? You just had to come back to see if you make me want you again.”
“I don’t know where the hell you get off talking to me like that, Ashley Parker Angel, but you better step down.” Ashley’s eyes grew wide. “I’m here to write for your website. As for breaking your heart, I admit that I did that. I broke my own as well. But in no way did I make you almost ruin your career. You did that all on your own.” Alanna laughed bitterly. “I knew this was going to be a mistake. Look, I know that I hurt you. I am deeply and truly sorry for that. But I thought you were more mature than this Ashley. At least face me like a twenty-year-old man, and not a five-year-old boy.” Ashley looked down at the ground.
“Fine. I’m sorry for the things that I said.” He paused, contemplating which way he wanted this conversation to go. “Look. It’s just hard to be around you again. I have a girlfriend now, and I’m trying my hardest to put what we had behind me. Do you know what it was like to have to lie to Shelli? How hard it was to tell her that she was the only one that I was thinking about when both her and I knew that my mind was completely focused on you? Do you know what it’s like to tell her that I love her, knowing that it isn’t true, that the only girl I love is you? Do you know what any of that is like?” Alanna nodded, tears filling her gray eyes.
“I do.” A few tears slipped down her cheeks. “I have a boyfriend Ashley.” Pain shadowed Ashley’s handsome features.
“Just be here to do your job, Alanna. I can’t take another heartbreak.” Alanna nodded.
“That’s all I’m here for. To write for your website.” Ashley nodded and went upstairs. Alanna glanced around the recording room and sank down on the couch, tears pouring down her cheeks.
The damage was done. There was nothing that she could do to make Ashley see that she hadn’t meant to hurt him, that she truly was sorry. She had destroyed the love that had grown between them and she wasn’t sure if she could ever get that back.
She headed upstairs after cleaning herself up. Ashley was nowhere to be seen. The remaining four band members were looking at her curiously. She glanced out the patio’s sliding door and saw Ashley by the pool, his feet dangling over the edge, his handsome face reflected in the clear blue green water. Alanna’s eyes filled with tears again.
“I kissed you. I saw you sleeping and I saw how beautiful you looked and I had to kiss you.” It was Alanna’s turn to look down at the ground. “Do you know what two years without you did to me? What not being able to hold or kiss you did?”
“No.” Alanna whispered. “Don’t do this.” Ashley laughed bitterly.
“Don’t do what Alanna? Don’t love you? I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I had a choice in the matter.” Alanna started to cry. “But it doesn’t matter anyway, does it Alanna? You don’t love me.” Alanna stood up quickly, her towel dropping to her feet. A light breeze began to blow, making Alanna shiver slightly.
“Don’t tell me that I don’t love you.” Alanna spat out angrily. “I love you more than life itself.” She wiped away the tears that were constantly streaming down her face as Ashley shook his head.
“That night before you left, I told you that I loved you Alanna.” He looked her straight in the eye as she visibly started to crumble. “And what did you say? Nothing, Alanna. Nothing at all.” Alanna sank down to the ground and began to sob. All tears that she had been holding inside just poured out as she shook with sobs that came straight from her soul. Alanna cried for the relationship that she would never have with her parents, cried for the insecurities that she felt, and cried for Ashley, who was a wonderful guy who made the mistake of falling in love with her. Soon Ashley was on the ground, holding her and crying with her.
“I love you Alanna.” Ashley whispered, stroking her short brown hair. Alanna sobbed harder when she heard those sweet words, words that she had longed to hear from her parents, words that had never reached her ears.
“I love you too Ashley.”
Alanna shook her head, as if to rid herself of the memory, an impossible task. She turned around, noticing that the guys were still looking at her.
“Did your talk with Ashley not go well?” Erik asked. Alanna looked down at the ground, not sure if she had enough strength to answer.
“To say the least.” She shook her head. “He hates me. I can tell. He hates me for breaking his heart.” Dan shook his head.
“He doesn’t hate you. Ashley could never hate you. He’s just angry at you right now, and angry at himself for not being able to make you stay.” Trevor was looking at her oddly and Alanna raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow.
“What’s up? Did I suddenly grow another head?” He pointed to her cheek and Alanna grew nervous.
“Did you hit your cheek or something? ‘Cause there’s a huge bruise there.” Alanna shrugged her shoulders. She turned when she heard Ashley come into the house.
“I fell out of bed one night and hit my cheek on the dresser.” It was the best that she could come up with and she hoped that they would accept it. Trevor shrugged.
“If you say so.” Now Ashley was glancing at her, and it made her blush from head to toe. He, too, was looking at the bruise and had a skeptical look on his face. Alanna knew that they probably thought that she was lying, but she didn’t know what else to say.
“I gotta get going.” Alanna said, fishing in her backpack for her keys. The guys nodded and walked with her to the door. They waved and as Alanna drove home, she had the sinking feeling that Ashley knew what was going on and that he too had seen the bruise. If indeed he had, she was in a lot of trouble.
****************************
Ashley Parker Angel
June 15, 2002
My friends told me that keeping a journal would be the best way to get out all my frustrations about what happened with Alanna so I decided to take some of their advice for once. They told me to write about my past feelings and my feelings now, and to sort through the rough times. My feelings in the past and present are one and the same. I love Alanna just as much, if not more, than I did when she left. I guess distance does make the heart grow fonder. It’s hard to pretend that I just want her to do her job, that I don’t care about her. The way I first acted toward her made me sick. I’ve never acted that way, with anyone. It’s just not in my nature. All I can say is two things: We’re headed for a lot of trouble, especially since I have a feeling that her bruise wasn’t from falling. There especially will be trouble if we give in to our feelings. I finally know what it’s like to have my heart ripped to shreds, put back together, ripped out again, and left to bleed on the ground.
*********************
Alanna Murray
June 15, 2002
I have always found that keeping a journal is a good way to sort through all my feelings: good and bad. After finally seeing Ashley, for the first time in over a year, I feel like my heart is being ripped into a million pieces. I love him more than life itself, and the more I think about it, the more I feel that I made the wrong decision when I chose my job over Ashley. Sure, I have the fame that I have always wanted, the fame that I thought would make my parents want to acknowledge me, but none of that matters because I’m not with Ashley. I miss his lips, his smile, his kisses, just his presence. He made me feel safe, as if no harm could ever come to me when he held me. I want that feeling back. All I want is to feel that way again.
**********************
Oddly, Ashley felt a lot better after writing in that stupid journal. It had been weird to see Alanna again, to still not be able to hold or kiss her. She made the world brighter with her smile, her beauty and grace. When he was with her, Ashley felt like the king of the world. He wanted that feeling back.
Now that she was back on the tour, things were about to get complicated. He was having trouble denying his feelings for Alanna and he knew that she was having trouble doing the same. They were connected by their souls, by the way they made each other feel. That kind of bond would never die. Whether they wanted to admit it or not, they belonged together.
Damn anyone who stood in the way.
Chapter Three
Chapter One
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