Nothing the group had known was the same. Two of their friends were married, one was a single mother, and Jean-Paul had done the least expected. He got together with Alexia, and Alex decided she wanted to move to Paris, even though she knew no French.
Alyssa sighed as she continued packing her suitcase. She had to leave Florida, soon. Otherwise, she would end up getting together with Ryan. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Maybe that was exactly what Alyssa needed to finally be happy. Maybe she would just be miserable. Either way, she was running away from her problems again. Mrs. Morgan, still angry and hurt that she was fighting with her two daughters, decided to sell the house and move to California. Alyssa was relieved. If she ever did come back to Florida, she certainly didn’t want to see her mom.
Alyssa shut her suitcase and sat down on her bed. After being home for nearly two months, Alyssa actually felt sad at the thought of leaving. But, Alyssa also knew that the sad feeling had nothing to do with leaving home, and everything to do with Ryan.
*******************
After spending two glorious weeks in Cancun, Julie and Josh headed back home to New York. The week before, Taylor had also returned. It felt odd, returning to New York, after almost two months in Florida. Sunlight glinted off Julie’s beautiful wedding ring as she unpacked her suitcase, and she talked to Taylor while doing so.
“Did you have a good time?” Julie nodded, sitting down on the bed next to Taylor.
“Fun in the sun, beaches, parties, Josh. It was great. And then I come back,” Julie paused and pointed out the window. “To rain.” Taylor laughed.
“Yeah it sure does rain a lot here doesn’t it?” Julie shrugged. “But it’s home.”
“Second home.” Julie said. “Florida will always be home to me.”
“What are you and Josh going to do after college?”
“Well,” Julie said, pausing. “I plan to be a pianist and write songs, and Josh says that he wants to go to law school and become a lawyer.” Taylor nodded, then became somber.
“Do you think Alyssa is going to be okay?” Julie looked down at her bedspread, carefully thinking about how to reply.
“When she finally decides to face her feelings instead of running from them, and gets together with Ryan, she’ll be okay. Until then.....she’s not going to be happy and she’s going to keep it bottled inside until it blows up like last time.” Julie shook her head. “No, I don’t think she’s going to be okay, until things in her life get sorted through, which may never happen.” Julie paused. “I hope it happens soon, for the sake of us all.”
********************
Alyssa gazed out the window, which was streaked with rain, and listened to the radio as she waited for her cab to arrive.
Of all the things I've believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
tears form behind my eyes,
but I do not cry,
counting the days that pass me by.
Alyssa sighed as she watched the rain as it ran in rivulets off the sill and into the shrubbery. Yet another song that had meaningful lyrics.
I've been searchin' deep down in my soul,
words that I'm hearin' are starting to get old,
it feels like I'm starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
The taxi pulled up in front of the hotel and Alyssa went outside, just as Ryan, Trista, Lynn, and Sam pulled up.
“We had to say goodbye.” Lynn said, as the five friends stood outside, soaking wet and shivering. Alyssa looked at Ryan and had a flashback to Julie’s wedding.
and I say-
Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to
“Do you really have to leave?” Ryan asked softly. Alyssa looked down at the ground, pushing strands of wet brown hair out of her eyes.
I still get lost in your eyes,
and it seems that I can't live a day without you,
closing my eyes,
and you chase my thoughts away,
to a place where I am blinded by the light,
but it's not right.
“Yes.” Alyssa replied, trying to be firm. “I have to go back to my life.” Her words stung Ryan a little more than she intended, because she had implied that he wasn’t part of her life.
Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to
The cab driver honked the horn and Alyssa knew she had to go. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t move.
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
Alyssa willed herself to move before she gave in to the feeling threatening to overtake her. She hugged Ryan and quickly got into the cab. Alyssa stared out the window on her way to the airport, a heavy feeling in her stomach. A lone tear made it’s way down her cheek as she approached the airport and an all too familiar feeling enveloped her.
I want you,
but I'm not giving in this time.
******************
(Next Day)
Alyssa woke up the following day, back in her dorm. But instead of feeling the usual relief, Alyssa felt unbearably sad. Paris wasn’t the same now that she wasn’t with Jean-Paul and the feelings she had for Ryan were getting stronger and harder to ignore.
“Lyss!” Yvette Carlson exclaimed when she walked in the door. “You’re back!” Alyssa nodded weakly, unable to muster up enough energy to nod enthusiastically.
“I got back last night.” Alyssa said, sitting up and running a brush through her tangled brown hair.
“Cool. How was your trip?” Alyssa looked down at her bedspread.
“It was a beautiful wedding, Jean-Paul broke up with me, and I’m still afraid to be in a relationship with Ryan because I have feelings that are so strong, it scares me. I’m also miserable because no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about Ryan.” Yvette’s jaw went slack. “How was your summer?”
“Um, uneventful and boring.” She watched as Alyssa put on a pair of flared jeans and a white spaghetti strap tank top. She grabbed a gray hooded sweatshirt and put it on, leaving it unzipped.
“So, is there anything cool going on?” Alyssa said, shoving her feet into a pair of Sketchers.
“There’s a creative writing seminar you might want to go to.” Alyssa nodded and finished tying her shoelaces.
“Let’s go.” As Alyssa and Yvette were walking toward the English building, Jean-Paul was walking to class with Alexia.
“He’s got a girlfriend already?” Alyssa nodded.
“They hooked up at Julie’s wedding. Even worse, that’s Ryan’s ex girlfriend.” Yvette shook her head and sat down on a bench.
“Forget about the seminar. Tell me what happened down in Florida.” Alyssa sighed and sat down next to Yvette.
“When I got back, everything had changed. Ryan had a girlfriend who immediately felt threatened by my presence, my parents were fighting and I had no idea how to act around my friends anymore. My feelings for Ryan were still very strong, as were his feelings for me. Eventually, it got in the way of our relationships, so Jean-Paul broke up with me and Alexia broke up with Ryan.” Alyssa looked down at the ground.
“Why didn’t you stay there with Ryan?” Yvette asked softly.
“I was afraid.”
“I don’t understand.” Yvette said. “Scared of what?”
“Afraid of falling in then love and then someday falling out of it, so to speak.” Alyssa stopped and swallowed hard. “My parents got a divorce that started going through while I was there. If they could get a divorce, after twenty six years, was there really hope for love anymore?”
“I’m sorry Lyss.” Alyssa shrugged, as if it didn’t matter to her, knowing very well she had thought she would never make it through.
“No biggie. I mean, I only locked myself in my hotel room for three days, had an emotional breakdown, and totally gave up on love.”
“There is no need for sarcasm, Alyssa Morgan.” Alyssa smiled sadly.
“Let’s go to that seminar.” Alyssa said, getting up. “I have to get back to my life.”
********************
(Two months later)
“When is the rain going to stop?” Lynn complained. Ryan sighed. The rain fit his mood. “It’s only been raining for the past two weeks and off and on for the past two months.”
“I don’t know Lynn.” Ryan said softly, looking out the window. Lynn sat down next to Ryan.
“Talk to me.” Again, Ryan sighed.
“I can’t stop thinking about Julie’s wedding.” Lynn nodded in understanding.
“I see. Even though I was trying to reconcile things with Sam, I saw you two dance together. It was perfect.” Ryan swallowed hard.
“Yes, it was. And it’s all I’ve been able to think about.”
“Why didn’t you go after her Ryan? Why didn’t you stop her from leaving?” Ryan whipped around to face her.
“What could I have done Lynn? Hold her hostage? She’s too afraid to be in a relationship with me and I refuse to stand in the way of her dream to study in France.”
“You guys love each other. You can’t just give up on that.”
“I wasn’t the one who gave up on it.” Ryan said, his voice cracking. “She gave up on it before it ever had a chance.”
“Alyssa loves you Ryan. You have to know that.”
“I do.”
“Then why aren’t you going after her?” Ryan thought for a moment then nodded.
“You’re right. I can’t let Alyssa get away again.” Lynn grinned widely. “I have to go after her.”
“Now we’re talking.”
**************
Songs used: Michelle Branch~Goodbye To You
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