When Justin stormed out of the house, I knew I was screwed. I knew I had messed up. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have slept with him. But I couldn’t help the fact that I loved him. That was something that was beyond my control. And no matter what happened, I’d still love him, wrong or not. I just would never have the chance to tell him.
“Why?” Bonnie asked.
“He just kinda showed up on my doorstep. I tried to keep things strictly platonic, but you have to realize just how long I had liked him. I couldn’t pass this up.”
“You have a wonderful husband who loves you a lot and two kids. You’re willing to throw that away because you still have feelings for an old crush who isn’t even alive anymore?”
“I didn’t think Tallon would die. I didn’t think I would love him.” Bonnie shook her head.
“That's messed up Mandy.” She looked at me. “You screwed up big time.” As she let herself out of the house, I had nothing to say because I was guilty as charged.
***************
As December rolled around, Justin moved out. He took the kids with him and I got the divorce papers the next day.
“Merry Christmas.” I said to myself as I opened the packet of papers. At least he was being generous by asking for joint custody. I screwed things up big time, I’ll admit. What Justin and I said to each other on the phone after that day was wrong too. But that was in the past and I needed to focus on the future. But what future did I have to look forward to? Not a singing career and no husband, no kids, and no job. Even my best friend wasn’t talking to me. I was one sorry case.
*************
The day before Christmas Eve, Justina and I had been apart for more than a month. The divorce was going through and soon, I wouldn’t be Mrs. Timberlake anymore. I felt horrible without Justin. I wondered if he felt the same way. Being bored, I had turned on the t.v. Coincentdently, an NSYNC concert was on. This one song caught my ear and my heart constricted painfully as I realized just how true the words really were.
I don’t know when we fell apart
The love we had was like a work of art
I used to see heaven in your eyes
Now angels are falling from your skies
The things we said were so wrong
I haven’t held you for so long
My foolish pride, turns me inside
Why did we tell all thoses lies?
You can reach for the phone
You don’t have to be alone
Outside the winter seems so cold
Your heart is frozen like the snow
And there’s no-one home to keep you safe and warm
Your eyes are red because you cry
You fell asleep by the fireside
But there’s one thing you should know
On this Christmas baby, you don’t have to be alone.
I have only one wish on my list
There’s nothing colder than an empty home
And holidays were never meant to be alone.
(You Don’t Have To Be Alone, NSYNC)
I could tell Justin was having trouble singing the song, and true to the words, the house was cold. Almost instinctively, I reached for the phone and dialed Justin’s cell phone number.
“Hi, you’ve reached my voice mail. If you....” I hung up. It was time to face the truth. Justin was out of my life and I was completely alone.
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