Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. No infringement is intended in any part by the author, however, the ideas expressed within this story are copyrighted to the author.

“No!” he said to himself, “never again!”

Catherine slept late the next morning and was greeted at the breakfast table by all of the Barkleys, except Jarrod.

"I can't believe that I slept so late!"

"Must be the fresh air, it'll do it every time!" Nick smiled and pulled out a chair for her. "You eat up little lady, we've got a lot of ground to cover today." He patted her on the shoulder as she sat down to eat.

"I can hardly wait to see our new home! By the way, where is that daughter of mine?"

"Oh, Jarrod took her over to the stables, it seems she couldn't wait to see our horses!" Victoria said. She was glad that Jarrod was doing something that didn't involve being a lawyer for a change.

"Well, that's very nice of him. I'm sure Victoria will keep him occupied with a thousand questions." She couldn't help smiling to herself and she was glad that at least he wasn't cold to her daughter.

Her smile didn't go unnoticed by the elder Victoria. She wondered what the future held for Jarrod and for Nick. Here was Nick, obviously attracted to her friend and making no effort to hide it. Her eldest son, Jarrod, had once had an attraction to her friend also, but since the death of his wife Jarrod had shown no interest in any relationships. She cocked her head thoughtfully and returned to her meal.

After breakfast, they all headed to the stables. Heath would be working on some fences on the north ridge, Audra was headed into to town to go shopping and it would be Nick, the two Victorias, and Catherine going to the new house and looking at horses. When they got to the stables, Jarrod passed Victoria over to her mother and excused himself to head to the office.

"Jarrod? Why don't you take a day off and come with us." His mother inquired.

"I'm sorry, Mother, there is just too much for me to do today." Jarrod glanced quickly at Catherine and their eyes met, holding each other for one moment. He turned away, mounted his horse, and was gone. Catherine followed him with her eyes as he rode off.

Nick and Catherine rode up front in the buggy with the two Victorias in the back. As they approached their new home, Catherine, was giddy with excitement.

Nick pulled up in front of the ranch and helped all three ladies down out of the buggy. The new homeowner stood in front of her house and admired the vast expanses. She couldn't believe that this was all hers, she knew that property in California was much less expensive than Boston, but she never imagined she would be able to afford all that land.

"Now, it's no mansion, and it's not nearly as large as your Boston home. But I do hope you like it." Victoria watched Catherine carefully, hoping that she had made the right choice.

"Victoria it's wonderful! Look at all this open space, I never expected this much!"

Little Victoria ran happily up onto the front porch. "Momma, is this really ours?"

"Oh darling, it most certainly is!"

"Well, other than needing a fresh coat of paint, it looks in pretty good shape. When is your furniture coming?" Nick inquired.

"By the end of the week, I was told, so we won't be a burden on your house for too long."

"Of course you're not a burden, Catherine, I'm glad, I mean we're glad that you are staying with us." Nick said, a little embarrassed at his slip.

Catherine laughed, "I'm glad you like us being here."

"Well, Miss Victoria, should I show you the barn?" He picked Victoria up into his arms and carried her outside and across the way to the barn.

There was room in the barn for 8-10 horses and perhaps even a pony for a little girl's birthday. Catherine was truly happy for the first time in a very long time. She had wanted to raise horses since she had been a little girl and now, she would finally get her chance to do it.

Coming from Boston, horse training was not a normal part of a girl's background. However, she had a wonderful grandfather growing up and he had seen to it that she knew everything he knew about horses from an early age. He had even taught her how to shoot, and she had retained all that knowledge, much to her late husbands chagrin.

Nick offered to help with painting the house and Catherine gladly accepted. They all went into town to pick up the paint and stop for lunch. While at the general store, they ran into Audra.

"Mother they have a whole new selection of fabrics at the dress shop, you must come see! I think I found the perfect one for the dance."

"Dance?" Catherine asked.

"My goodness, I almost completely forgot. There's a barn dance next month at the Mulligans. You will come with us, won't you?" Victoria was hoping that Catherine would come. It would be a good opportunity to meet everyone in Stockton

"I think I will, Victoria, its been a long time since I've been to a dance."

"Wonderful, will you need a dress?"

"Actually, I think I have a perfect dress to wear."

"You know, there will be whole families there, I would love to take Victoria with me to shop for a new dress. Besides, you and Nick should get started with looking at horses and we'll just slow you down." Victoria took little Victoria's hand. She was aware of the fact that her son, Nick, was spending all his time watching her friend and maybe, it would be a good thing for them to spend time alone and get to know each other better. Although, Victoria had secretly longed for something to spark with Jarrod, when Catherine had arrived, he seemed to be an impenetrable wall that no one could get close to.

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind Victoria tagging along with you?"

"On no, Catherine we're going to have a wonderful time!" Victoria, Audra and her daughter turned and walked to the dress shop.

"I guess that leaves the two of us to look at horses."

"Yes, I guess it does, Nick." Catherine felt suddenly a bit nervous and had butterflies in her stomach.

As they were getting into the buggy, Jarrod came out of his office and stopped when he spotted Nick and Catherine together.

"Hey, Jarrod! Don't tell me you're actually leaving your office before dark!" Nick yelled across the street.

Jarrod crossed the street and over to the buggy. "Well, little brother, I was just on my way to the courthouse and where are you two headed?" He asked Nick, but didn't take his eyes off of Catherine.

"We're going looking for horses, she's already picked out two mares at the ranch."

"Well then," he said, tilting his hat back, "good luck, there's some fine stock around here Catherine, I'm sure you'll have no trouble."

"Thank you Jarrod, I'm sure we'll do fine."

"See ya later, Jarrod" Nick gave the horse the go ahead and they headed out of town.

Jarrod didn't move from where he was standing, instead, he stood there and watched as they rode off. He thrust his hands into his pockets and looked down at the ground. She looked like she was fitting right into Stockton, with her black gauchos and cream colored blouse; her red hair tied back with a black ribbon. Why did she have to come here, he thought?

Nick and Catherine had a very successful day with purchasing horses; she had bought four by days end and a pony for Victoria's birthday next month. Nick volunteered to keep the pony at the Barkley ranch until the birthday party.

As they were headed back, the sun began to set with glorious pinks and oranges gleaming across the sky. Catherine couldn't recall such beautiful sunsets while living in Boston.

"What a lovely sky!" she exclaimed.

Nick stopped the buggy and lifted Catherine out. Putting her down, he kept his hands on her waist and Catherine looked up him. Nick looked intently at her; he gently cupped her chin in his gloved hand and moved closer to her. Catherine turned her face away and pulled herself free from him.

"It is a lovely sky," she said as she moved away from him and looked up at all the colors.

"You just said that."

"I know, Nick, I'm sorry. Its just that, well, we just met. I don't even really know you yet and well, I don't know." Catherine was fumbling for words. There was no doubt in her mind that Nick was a good man and certainly handsome. But, despite herself, her thoughts turned to Jarrod and she tried to shake them off he certainly took no interest in her.

"May I ask you something?" Nick looked serious. "There hasn't been anyone since your husband?"

Catherine shook her head. He thought she was concerned about Devlin, how wrong he was! The last six months, before Devlin's death, she had hardly seen him, much less known any affection from him.

"I owe you an apology, Catherine, I should've thought about that. I can be a little headstrong sometimes." Nick walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"It's all right Nick, really, but we should be getting back." She thought for a moment, she was too hard on him. His touch had stirred something in her that she hadn't felt in a long time. "You know, my friends back in Boston used to call me Cat." She wanted to lift the mood again.

"Cat? Hmm, you know that does seem to suit you. Cat it is then." Nick helped her back into the buggy and they headed back to the ranch.

Catherine's furniture did finally arrive, only two days before the barn dance. She was beginning to get nervous, she had the majority of her wardrobe shipped with her furniture and was afraid that she might not have anything proper to wear.

Nick and Heath spent the day helping her unload all the furniture into her new home and Nick promised he'd be back the day after the dance to help her paint.

The night of the dance arrived and Catherine was finishing Victoria's hair when the Barkley carriage pulled up in front of their house.

Catherine looked out the window and saw Nick standing at the door. When she opened it, she couldn't help but notice how handsome he looked. He was wearing a light blue jacket that made his hazel eyes seem blue as the ocean. His white shirt looked stark against his tan skin and his black pants fit him like a second skin.

"You look lovely." Nick smiled. She did look lovely to him, small but strong. She had worn her green and cream gingham dress and a green bow in her hair. "And look at you young lady!"

"Uncle Nick!" Little Victoria emerged from hiding behind her mother's skirts and she looked adorable in a smaller version of Cat's dress.

Nick helped the two up into the carriage and little Victoria insisted on riding up front with Nick. The two had grown quite close during the few weeks that they lived with the Barkleys'. She had wanted to know everything there was to know about the ranch and Nick handled the barrage of questions gallantly. At times though, it was all he could do to keep the pony hidden from his little friend.

Catherine seated herself in back next to Victoria and inquired on the rest of the family.

"Well, Audra is quite fond of the eldest Mulligan boy and he picked her up for the dance already. I do believe that Heath left to bring a young lady to the dance, I don't know whom though, he keeps to himself on those things. And Jarrod, I don't know if he'll come at all, he seems intent on spending the rest of his life in his office."

"Now don't you worry about Jarrod, Mother, he'll come around, he just needs to meet someone special and he'll be as good as new." Nick turned back and smiled at his Mother and then smiled at Catherine.

The dance was going full swing when they arrived. Victoria led Catherine and her daughter around to meet everyone and little Victoria wasted no time in making new friends. She was off playing in a corner of the barn with several other children and completely forgot about her Mother and the Barkleys.

Nick watched as Catherine made the rounds with his Mother. He headed over to get some punch and met his brother, Heath, at the punchbowl. "So, brother, who is the mysterious woman you brought to the dance and where is she?"

"No mystery, Nick, she's right over there."

"But only Amy Morris is over there"

Heath smiled.

"Amy Morris!" Nick leaned into his brother and seemed to be examining his head.

"Nick, what are you doing?!" Heath asked, exasperated.

"Oh nothing, just wanted to make sure your ears hadn't been talked off yet." Nick burst out laughing.

"Really? And just who did you bring to the dance, Nick?"

"Well," said Nick, leaning onto the table, "I just happened to have brought the three loveliest ladies in all of Stockton!"

"Uh-huh, you brought Mother, Nick." Heath snickered.

"And Cat and Victoria" he added.

"You like her a lot, don't you."

"Yeah, I guess I do."

"Hope you're up for some competition Nick"

"What? From whom?" Nick was very surprised by his brother's remark.

"Your other brother."

"Jarrod?! No, no he's so wrapped up in his work right now he couldn't see a beautiful woman if she slapped him." He shook his head; no Jarrod had no interest in any women these days. Beth had been gone for over a year now and Nick had seen no signs of Jarrod wanting to be in a relationship ever again. Sure it would happen for Jarrod someday, he thought, but not Cat.

"Nick, I've seen the way he looks at her. He really cares for her, but he won't show it." Heath was dead serious and Nick could see it in his face.

Nick shook his head again, "No you're wrong about that, if Jarrod had feelings for her, don't you think I'd step aside for him, he's been through so much all ready." Nick walked away from his brother and headed to Catherine.

"May I have your first dance, Milady?" He bowed down to Catherine, taking off his hat.

"Why certainly Sir" She curtseyed to his bow and giggled.

Nick led her out to the dance floor for a rousing jig. Heath watched the two of them on the dance floor. They do seem to enjoy each other's company. He looked across the room and saw Jarrod entering the barn; Heath looked on as he scanned the room, Jarrod's eyes finally landing on Nick and Catherine dancing together. Heath continued to watch, as Jarrod's face turned sad and he headed over to greet his Mother.

"Hello, Mother." He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

"Jarrod, I was beginning to wonder if you would come. I'm glad you did." She reached up and straightened his tie. He looked as though he had rushed over here. He was wearing his tan jacket, blue shirt and slacks the same clothes he had worn that morning when he had left the house.

Jarrod bowed to his Mother, "may I have a dance with the prettiest lady in Stockton."

"Jarrod," she said laughing, "you might try those charms on a lady a little closer to your own age." He frowned and took his Mother's hand, leading her to the dance floor. He tried his hardest not to look at Catherine, but he couldn't help glancing her way. She and Nick were arm in arm, dancing about the floor, talking and laughing all the while. It was clear to him, that the two were a couple.

Victoria was aware of her son's glances towards her friend and she decided to make a bold move. "Jarrod, I think I might like to dance with one of my other sons right now." She pulled away from him and broke in on Catherine and Nick dancing. "Might I cut in?" she asked. She realized, instantly that she had made a grievous mistake. She looked on as she saw Nick and Catherine being very slow to part from one another. It was too late for Victoria to change her mind. She let herself be led away by Nick on the dance floor.

Jarrod and Catherine stood near each other, but not looking at each other. Clearly, they were both uncomfortable with the situation, as they stood in the middle of the dance floor, while other couples whirled around them.

Jarrod cleared his throat, "if you'll excuse me, it's rather hot in here. I'm going to get something to drink."

Once again, he had left Catherine standing alone. But this time it was in the middle of the dance floor. She was seething; he had just become the most incredibly rude man she had ever seen!

Victoria eyed Jarrod across the room and Catherine on the dance floor. He didn't! Oh, she was furious and planned to have a long talk with her eldest son when they got home. She looked up at Nick and was sorry she had separated the two what was she thinking? She wanted Jarrod to come alive again, to feel again, but at what price? Look at Nick, she chastised herself, he's falling for her and you want to deny him that joy?

No, she had been wrong, very wrong. Much like her own mother had been so many years ago. Her mother had been wrong about her and Tom; she had thought the young man to be too brash, too adventurous for a young society lady, such as Victoria. Victoria had thought that Jarrod and Catherine would be a perfect pairing. Both refined, genteel, sophisticated. She shook her head and had to laugh at herself.

"What's so funny, Mother?" Nick asked as he waltzed her around the floor. "Oh nothing, Nick"' she patted him on the shoulder, "its just us Mothers, we're all alike!"

Nick didn't get much satisfaction from that answer, but he shrugged it off and the two finished their waltz together. Nick bowed graciously to his Mother and she gave him a hug, surprising him with her show of affection in the middle of the dance.

"I love you, Nick"

"I love you too, Mother" Nick didn't understand this sudden show of affection from her, but he savored the moment anyway.

"Nick, Victoria, come look" Catherine had strolled up to them while they were hugging. Catherine put her hand on Nick's arm and led them outside.

There, they found little Victoria sound asleep on a bale of hay.

Nick gently picked up the little girl and cradled her close to him, "I think this little one has tuckered herself out and needs to be in bed." He whispered.

"I think you're right" Catherine stroked her daughter's hair as Nick strode over to the carriage and laid her carefully down on the seat, covering her with a blanket he pulled from the back.

"If you two don't mind, I think I will ride home with Jarrod." Victoria kissed the both of them on the cheek and headed back to the barn.

Nick held little Victoria as Catherine got into the carriage and after straightening her skirts, she pulled Victoria, still sleeping, into her lap. Nick got into the carriage and urged the horse forward.

"Momma?" Victoria stirred, her eyes only half open. "We had fun, didn't we?"

"Yes, sweetheart we did. Go back to sleep, we can talk about everything tomorrow."

Victoria slept the rest of the way home. Nick and Catherine were careful not to disturb her. When they got to Catherine's house, Nick lifted Victoria up and held her in his arms. Catherine got out of the carriage and opened the door for the two. He walked softly through the front door and into the child's bedroom, laying her on her bed. Catherine moved the covers up over her and kissed her on the cheek.

The two left the bedroom and Catherine closed the door behind them.

"She'll have plenty to talk about in the morning, I'm sure, a wonderful night for her."

"She wasn't the only one to have a wonderful night, Cat, I did as well." Nick took her small hand into his.

Catherine made a move to pull away, but Nick wasn't going to let her, not this time.

"Cat, know this. Each time I am near you, every time that I see you my feelings for you grow stronger. I'm falling in love with you." Nick was serious, very serious. He stared intently into her eyes, searching for answers.

She didn't know what to say, or what to feel. She stood there, looking up at him and not saying a word.

Nick brought their hands to his face; he turned her hand over and kissed the palm of her hand lightly. That light kiss sent tingles through Catherine's body, a reaction she didn't expect.

"Good night, Cat." He turned and was out the door.

Catherine tossed and turned in bed all night. She was no longer thinking of Jarrod, but of the kiss on her hand, the man that had danced with her all evening. Nick, he had been there for her from the first day she had come to Stockton, from the arrival to helping her move her furniture, to even planning Victoria's birthday party. How could she have been so blind? She had thought of him as a good friend, someone she could count on, until he had kissed her hand and everything seemed to change.

Jarrod escorted his Mother out of the dance and to his carriage. He knew before she had even said a word, that she was unhappy with him.

"Jarrod, I have to say, I found your behavior this evening to be reprehensible." Victoria was trying desperately to stay calm, but she was worried about him, very worried.

"I don't understand."

"Yes, you do, Jarrod. It was very wrong of you to leave Catherine standing there and you know it."

"I just wasn't in the mood to dance." He said and tried to concentrate on the ride itself.

"No Jarrod, I know you better than that. It didn't have anything to do with the style of dance. Don't try to fool me. I can't bear to see you like this. Please, son, please come back." Victoria was pleading with him now.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you do. I know you do. Ever since Beth's death, you've been building a wall around yourself, afraid to let anyone in. Don't do it Jarrod, don't close yourself off to all the good that life has to offer."

"What good, Mother? What good does life have to offer me? Don't you understand, don't you remember the man I became when Beth was murdered!" Jarrod was angry inside and he worked hard to control it.

"Jarrod, what happened to Beth was awful, it was terrible. But don't be buried with her. You're still alive! You're still alive!" Tears were filling her eyes as she tried desperately to reach her son.

They had reached the ranch and Jarrod stormed off the carriage and inside, without offering any assistance to his Mother.

"Jarrod Barkley," she yelled, slamming the door, "don't you dare walk away from me!"

Jarrod had begun to head upstairs and stopped in his tracks at her angry words. "Mother," he sighed, "please leave it be."

"I can't Jarrod, I can't bear to see you like this anymore." She was crying openly now and she wasn't about to be ashamed by it. "Jarrod, I've seen the way you look at Catherine, I remember how you were with her in Boston and how you are now." Victoria walked up the few stairs to him. "Don't deny it Jarrod, you still have feelings for her."

"So, what if I do have feelings for her? She and Nick seem to be doing just fine together."

"That may be so, Jarrod, but don't you think you ought to tell her how you feel about her and let her make her own decision?"

"Why, Mother? So I can be rejected? Is that your idea of how I should open myself up again? More hurt? More pain? Is that what you want" Jarrod felt like he was going to explode from the inside out, all the emotions he wanted to suppress seemed to be boiling inside him. He wanted to run to his room and slam the door, but he knew that it wouldn't do any good. He knew his Mother too well; they were going to finish this conversation, whether he wanted to or not.

"No, Jarrod, I would never want you to be hurt again." She moved close to him, putting her hands on his chest. "Jarrod, I just want you to live again. I want you to know love again, joy, happiness, I want all those things for you."

Jarrod could bear it no longer. "Mother, I can't, I'm not ready to open myself again. I can't do it, I just can't!" He turned away from her quickly, his hands gripping the banister; he couldn't bear to have her see his tears.

"You can do it Jarrod, you have to. Otherwise, you may just as well have been buried with Beth." Victoria knew that her words were harsh, but she had reached the end of her rope. She could no longer bear to see her son, avoiding any of the joys in life and walking around as if he were already half dead.

Nick had come home and had gone to bed when he had heard his Mother and Jarrod arguing. He had left his room and stood in the upstairs hallway, just out of view. So, Jarrod did have feelings for Cat! He walked, silently, back to his room. He began to wonder if that was the reason that Cat had not returned his affections, maybe, she had feelings of her own for Jarrod. He thought of his elder brother. He had certainly been through enough, had suffered enough loss. Had he hurt his brother and not even realized it? Nick didn't want to think about that, but couldn't help himself. He had sworn he would always be there for his family and had he done his brother, Pappy, wrong? Nick couldn't be sure. But, he thought, it would be best to leave Catherine alone for awhile. He was going to step back and if those two were to be together, he wasn't going to stand in their way despite his feelings for her. He wasn't about to let Jarrod get hurt again, if he could help it.

Part 5

Okay, here's part five and I'm going to borrow Leanne's idea - since it was such a good one (hope you don't mind Leanne) But before you read the this segment, I wanted to point out that there is some violence in this episode as well as a love scene. I wanted to cover a lot of ground in this episode - so if it seems jumpy I apologize and as always, any comments are welcome.

Catherine had arisen early the next morning. Nick had told her he would be there first thing in the morning to help her paint. With Nick, who knew if that meant he would be at her door by sunrise! She hurriedly dressed as the sun began to light the sky. She peeked in on Victoria, sound asleep. Good, she thought, a little quiet time to get everything set up.

She darted about the house, putting on a pot of coffee, enough for two. She got dressed and went over to the barn to get out the paint and brushes. As she picked up the large paint can, she paused and looked down at her hand. There it was again, that tingle! Last night, Nick had kissed the palm of her hand and her body had tingled all over. She had never experienced a sensation like that before.

She went back inside the house and Victoria was emerging from her room. Rubbing the sleep from her little eyes.

"Good morning, sweetheart!"

Victoria climbed into her mother's lap still not yet fully awake. "Uncle Nick's coming over today?"

"Uh-huh. You like Uncle Nick don't you?"

"Nope" said Victoria shaking her head, "I love Uncle Nick."

Catherine hugged her daughter tightly. Love, she thought, that was something Nick had said last night.

She made breakfast for the two of them and sent Victoria to her room to get dressed. Both of them waited for Nick's arrival. By noontime, he had still not arrived at the house. Something must be keeping him, she thought, he certainly had enough to manage at the Barkley estate without having to come over and paint her house with her. She decided to look in on the horses.

She entered the barn and went straight to her own riding horse, Thunder, a dark gray Appaloosa; Nick had helped her pick him out. Thunder had a great spirit and could out run every other horse she had seen, except Nick's. She had engaged Nick and Coco in a race one day, while staying at the ranch, and although she had gotten a head start, Nick and his horse had overtaken them. She smiled to herself, remembering, how much fun they had that day.

Catherine watched from the porch, as the sun set in the sky, gorgeous colors once again. She couldn't hide her disappointment that he hadn't come by.

"You're sad, Momma" Victoria had come outside and hugged her mother's skirts. "How come Uncle Nick didn't come today?"

"I don't know, Victoria, but he does have a very big ranch to run. I'm sure he just got busy and couldn't come over." She didn't know if she was trying to make Victoria feel better or herself.

Catherine stayed up late, reading, and wondering why Nick hadn't come. She decided to go to the Barkley's home the next day.

Victoria and Catherine arrived at the Barkley home the next afternoon. Victoria Barkley was outside picking flowers from her garden.

"Catherine, Victoria, what a lovely surprise!" She hugged her friend. "Silas, made lemonade this morning, come inside and have a glass with me." Victoria put her arm around the little girl and led them inside. "Are you all ready for your birthday, Miss Victoria?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I asked Momma this morning and she said its one week from Saturday!"

"Well, you can be sure that every Barkley will be there, we wouldn't miss it for the world!" Victoria smiled at the little girl.

Catherine and Victoria chatted for awhile about their gardens and the progress Catherine was making on her horse farm. Then, Catherine could not get around it anymore and finally asked about Nick.

"Oh, I know, didn't he promise to help paint your house yesterday? I'll have a word with him when he gets back."

Catherine was puzzled, "when he gets back?"

"He left early yesterday, he said that he wanted to check out a herd in Rosewood. But frankly, I don't know why, our herds are doing just fine." Victoria thought for a moment, "it does seem a little odd for him to take off like that when he had committed to helping you."

"I suppose." She couldn't help but think that her lack of response to his show of affection might have something to do with his trip to Rosewood.

"Catherine, I was wondering. The other night, at the Mulligans, I saw the way you and Nick were together. You're quite fond of him aren't you?"

"Yes, I guess I am, funny thing is that I didn't know it until that night. I had been thinking about " Catherine stopped herself, she couldn't talk about these things to Victoria. Yes, she was her dearest friend but she was also Nick and Jarrod's mother.

"You had been thinking about Jarrod." Victoria completed her sentence.

Catherine was taken aback, she hadn't realized that Victoria had noticed. "Yes, but Victoria, I can't talk to you about this you're their mother!"

"I know that, but I'm also your friend and I want us to be able to talk about anything to each other." Victoria would try to forget she was a mother and just be a friend, she genuinely valued her friendship with Catherine and didn't want to do anything to harm it.

"All right, but remember, we're friends now and not Mothers."

Victoria nodded.

"When I first came here, my thoughts were filled with Jarrod. I didn't know him, really, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. Then the more time I spent here, the more time I spent with Nick. At first, I just thought it was friendship, I enjoyed his company and he seemed to enjoy mine." Catherine sighed and looked at her hand, turning it over to look at her palm. "Then, after the barn dance, Nick kissed the palm of my hand and suddenly, I knew it was Nick that I wanted to be with it was Nick that held my heart, not Jarrod."

"Do you want to know what I think, Catherine?"

"Most definitely, you know how much I value your opinion." Catherine waited for words of wisdom from her friend, when Catherine had needed them; Victoria had always been there for her.

"I have, actually, been thinking about this a great deal. What you and Jarrod have is a kinship, a shared experience and a very painful one at that. Both of your spouses were murdered, neither of you knowing a lifetime of love and happiness. I believe that is what bonds the two of you together, not love for each other, but rather an understanding of what you have both lost."

Catherine nodded, silently, taking in her words.

"I was very wrong and I apologize. I had thought that pairing you and Jarrod together would be good for both of you. But, I can see now, as I did at the party, that you and Nick are happy together. All you need to do now, Catherine, is admit to yourself how you feel about him." She got up and hugged her friend, "follow your heart."

Catherine thought about what Victoria had said, long into the evening. Admit to herself how she felt about Nick, how did she feel? She knew how she felt, she longed for him to be near her, to hear his contagious laughter, and his smile and she longed for his kiss.

The week had come and gone and still Nick had not come to call on her or even to see little Victoria. Still, she and Victoria had plenty to do to keep themselves busy, the horses always needed tending and chores around the house were numerous.

Little Victoria's birthday had finally arrived. She had just finished decorating the birthday cake, when the Barkley's arrived. She watched out the window as she saw Nick, leading the pony into the barn. She smiled brightly, she was so glad to see that he had come. The party went beautifully, with cake and lots of presents. The Barkleys doted over the little girl and she relished every moment. Catherine, after all the other presents had been unwrapped, walked her daughter to the barn. The Barkleys followed close behind. She opened the barn door and there, standing by itself was a light brown pony, the perfect size for Victoria.

Little Victoria's mouth dropped open "Oh, Momma, is this my pony? Is it really?!" She walked up to the pony carefully and stroked its mane.

"It is yours, sweetheart, happy birthday!" Catherine was beaming.

Nick watched her from the barn door; he wanted to be close to her, hold her in his arms. But, his eyes turned to Jarrod and he tried to banish thoughts of her from his mind.

Jarrod was enjoying the party, relaxed for the first time since Beth's death. He laughed many times, finding the little girl's excitement contagious. He had spent a long time thinking about the argument that he had with his Mother, the night of the party. And finally, decided, maybe it was time to start living again. And, although, he couldn't deny his attraction for Catherine, he knew how Nick felt about her could see it in his face. He was going to live again, but, not at the expense of his brother's happiness.

Catherine had insisted that she could manage the cleanup and had thanked them all for coming. She could not get her mind off the fact, that Nick had barely spoken one sentence to her the entire day. The only conclusion she could come to was that she had put him off by not responding to his affections.

Nick couldn't get his mind off of Catherine the rest of the night. He had watched her throughout Victoria's party; he longed to hold her and to be near both of them. He missed the company of both mother and daughter. Little Victoria was a joy in his life; she was so full of energy and spirit like her mother. When he was with them, he felt like everything was just the way it should be that his life was complete. Now, without them, he felt truly lonely for the first time in his life.

The next morning, at breakfast, Victoria asked Nick to stay for awhile and talk.

"Mother, I'd love to, but I've got a lot of work to do today." He started to get up from the table.

"Nick, please, sit down."

Nick sighed and dutifully sat down again, next to his Mother.

"I've been wanting to ask you about something and I know it's none of my business, but I have to ask anyway."

"Mother, you can ask me about anything." Nick was fidgeting, he knew that something was bothering his mother and he felt uneasy sitting at the table.

"Its about Catherine, why have you been avoiding her?"

"Now, mother, what makes you think I've been avoiding her, I've just been very busy. I have a ranch to run, you know." He was very uncomfortable and toyed with the rim of his hat; not looking at her.

"Nick, I am well aware that you have a ranch to run", she was beginning to get irritated, "but one moment, you can't seem to be around her enough and the next you can't wait to get away from her now please tell me what's going on?"

"It's nothing, mother, now would you please let me get to work?"

"Not until you give me an honest answer, Nicholas Jonathan Barkley!"

"All right Mother!" He got up from his chair and slammed it back into the table, angrily; "You want an honest answer, fine! I was here when you and Jarrod got back from the dance, I was here and I heard every word you two said!"

"Nick, I didn't realize you were still awake!" Victoria was truly upset with herself now, not only had she tried to play matchmaker when she shouldn't have but now, she had also done something to drive two people apart that truly belonged together.

"Yes, I was awake Mother. After every thing that Jarrod has been through, if he has feelings for her, don't you think I would step aside?!" He didn't want to think about, he wanted to put Catherine out of his mind, for Jarrod's sake, why did she have to bring it all up again?

"I do have feelings for her brother Nick, but not how you think."

Victoria and Nick turned to see Jarrod standing at the entrance to the dining room. Jarrod tossed his hat on the dining room table.

"Nick, I am fond of Catherine, that's true. But for the longest time, I didn't want anything to do with a woman. Not after Beth. But now, I realize, that Catherine helped me without her even knowing it." Jarrod sat down at the table and took a deep breath, " I realized that I envied her. Envied how she was able to get on with her life. Able to move past what had happened to her. When I saw the two of you together, it overwhelmed me, she was able to find happiness again, love. It was something I didn't think would ever exist for me again."

"Jarrod" Victoria went to her son and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Jarrod put his head, briefly, on his mother's arm. "I guess it took seeing you two together and some gently prodding from mother," he squeezed her arm, "to realize that it was possible to feel alive again, to know love again."

"You mean, you don't mind my seeing Catherine?" Nick couldn't suppress a small smile.

"Mind? Nick, if she makes you happy, then, no I don't mind." Jarrod had gotten up and patted his brother on the back. "Nick, go to her, don't stay away from her, tell her how you feel about her."

Nick smiled, he was excited, and he felt a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "Oh, I will tell her. Mother, don't expect me for dinner, I'm going to call on someone this evening!" He kissed his mother, hurriedly, and headed out the door.

"Jarrod, what you just did " His mother looked at him seriously.

"I didn't do anything that Nick wouldn't do for me." He kissed his mother and retreated into the study.

Nick got on Coco and headed out to the herds. He was whistling all the way to the ridge, where he met up with Heath.

"Boy howdy, you're in a good mood!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Care to tell me what you're so happy about, Nick?"

"Nope, but lets hurry up and get this herd taken care of, I've got things to do."

Heath started to say something when they heard shouting just behind the trees. Nick and Heath rode over to see what was going on.

Three of the men that they had just hired were attacking Diego, one of them pulling out a knife. Diego was trying to dodge the man, but another one had grabbed him from behind. Nick leapt off his horse and went to defend Diego from the attack. A punch came in his direction and he ducked, slamming the man who had thrown it, in the stomach. Heath had gotten down and was taking care of the man that was holding Diego. He shoved Heath and the two went tumbling to the ground. Nick turned to make sure Heath was all right and suddenly, felt a severe pain in his side. Nick looked down and saw blood rushing from his side, he felt very dizzy and the world around him was turning gray. He heard Heath call his name and a gunshot then everything went dark.

Jarrod was dreading this very much. How could he tell her? He straightened his back, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Catherine opened the door, flustered, she had just been chasing Victoria around the house in a game of tag. "Jarrod!" She was surprised to see him, "what are you doing here?"

"Catherine, may I come in?" He appeared to be in a solemn mood and it made Catherine ill at ease.

"Of course," she replied, "Jarrod, what's wrong."

He cast his eyes upwards, hasn't she been through enough, haven't we all. "Catherine, its Nick. He's been hurt." He paused, looking upwards still. "He's been hurt badly."

Catherine slumped down into a chair and Jarrod filled her in on all the details, assuring her that the doctor was on his way to the house. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Victoria," she called, her voice trembling, "get a few clothes together, we're going to the Barkleys"

Victoria was excited, she was going to see Uncle Nick! She flitted about the house without her mother even noticing.

Catherine walked to her room to get a few clothes together. She was going to stay there until Nick was well. If he gets well, she thought, please God, don't let him die. She leaned onto her dresser and the tears came.

Jarrod heard her crying and went to her, wrapping his arms around her. He cupped her chin in his hand and brought it up to look into his eyes. "You do love him, don't you." It was more of a statement, then a question; he could see everything in her eyes.

She nodded, "yes".

"He's one lucky man," he said hugging her tightly, "don't you worry about Nick he's tough as nails and if I know him, he'll be up and around in a day or two."

Catherine managed a small smile and she let Jarrod lead her out to the carriage. The three of them rode silently to the Barkley ranch.

He heard talking around him, where was he? He couldn't focus his eyes, but was sure he was in his room. Doctor was saying something about praying, what the heck is going on? The pain was incredible and Nick, lost consciousness again. He awoke again, briefly, hearing his mother's voice and some one else's Catherine. "Cat" he whispered faintly.

Catherine went to him and sat in the chair next to his bed "Nick, rest easy my love, you're going to be fine."

Fine from what, he thought, what the devil was going on and why did his side hurt so much! Wait a minute, did she just say love? Nick slipped away again.

Victoria, Audra and Catherine kept watch over Nick, kept watched and prayed as the doctor had suggested. His wound was deep and the doctor had done everything he could for Nick, all they could do now was keep a vigil with him and pray. When one was with Nick, the others would keep little Victoria company, taking her for rides on her pony and playing marbles.

Heath and the sheriff had gathered a group of men together to hunt down the three men. They had all managed to escape after one of them had stabbed Nick. But, Heath was sure that he had shot one of them and would be slowed up with the injury.

It had been a week and Nick had not fully regained consciousness yet, he had been awake briefly on several occasions, but he would eventually drift away again. Victoria was afraid for her son; she couldn't bear the thought of losing him. She seemed to be becoming despondent and Catherine did her best to help her.

Catherine sat next to Nick's bed rubbing her neck. As she sat there, she eyed a book sitting on a table near the other side of his bed. She retrieved it and looked at the leather binding. Poetry. "Nick, you never cease to amaze me." She whispered. She opened the book and began reading.

She awoke with a start; a hand was on her knee. "Nick!" She leaned over to him, stroked his hair. "Nick, that's it wake up, please!"

He struggled to bring himself out of the fog he was in. "Cat, wh-what happened?"

"You were hurt, pretty badly, but its going to be all right." She smiled at him, still leaned over him. "I'll go get your mother, she'll be so happy!"

Nick reached out for her, but she was already on her way out of the room. He tried to remember what happened to him and the memories flooded back into his mind.

Victoria and Catherine entered the room and Victoria went straight to her son's bed. "Good afternoon, Nick, I'm glad to see you're better."

"Mother, Heath, is he all right?" His voice was weak, but it was full of worry over his brother.

"He's fine Nick, he went after the men that did this, but he lost their trail in the rain storm" Victoria lifted Nick's head up and brought a glass of water to his lips, "here drink this, just a little now, good." Nick slept most of the day; Victoria and Catherine stayed with him feeling much more at ease now that he seemed to be recovering.

Nick was awake off and on for the next 24 hours and in the late afternoon, he awoke to find Catherine next to his bed. "Cat, how long?" He asked, he felt like he'd been in bed for a lifetime, every muscle in him ached with stiffness.

"What, Nick?" she asked.

"Cat. How long have I been like this?"

"Nick, it's been over a week. You gave us quite the scare, your mother was beside herself"

"A week!" His voice still wasn't up to its usual window rattling level yet, but you could hear the irritation in his voice. He tried to pull himself up in bed but the pain was still too intense.

"Whoa there, brother!" Heath rushed over to his bed and helped him prop himself up a little. "How ya doing?"

"I've been better, glad you're okay Heath"

"Nick, look, we tried to get those men, but we lost the trail, I'm sorry. We're going back out there, first thing in the morning we'll get them" Heath was determined.

"Don't worry about it," he said patting Heath on the arm, "gimme a couple days and I'll be out there looking with you." Nick managed a small smile.

"Its gonna be more than a couple days, Nick. You took quite the wound." Oh no, Heath thought, I'm not gonna let you get out there before you have a chance to heal.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine see!" He tried once more to pull himself up into a sitting position and managed it this time, but, not without his face grimacing with the pain.

"Oh, yes, Nick we can see that you are completely well." Catherine said sarcastically.

He flashed her an irritated look as she straightened the pillows behind him. "Oh come on now, would you two stop fussing over me."

Little Victoria peeked her head in the doorway, followed closely behind by Nick's mother.

"Now, there's a sight for sore eyes, c'mon over here!" He held his arms out to the little girl and she came charging over to his arms.

"Carefully, honey." Her mother chided.

"Uncle Nick, are you all better now." Victoria looked quizzically at him; she had wrapped herself up into his bare arms.

"I sure am, little one, see?" He smiled largely for her and wrapped his arms around her again, hugging her tightly. He winced as Victoria hugged him hard.

"Uncle Nick?"

"What is it?"

"Are you still mad at me?"

Catherine did her own wincing at her daughter's words.

Nick was puzzled, "why on earth would you think I'm mad at you?"

"We hardly see you anymore, I thought maybe I did something that made you mad." Victoria truly looked hurt.

"Oh no, sweetheart, no I'm not mad at you. I'm not, I promise" He hadn't even thought that his staying away would cause this reaction in Victoria, but he was going to remedy that immediately.

Nick's mother held her hand out to Victoria, "Victoria, why don't we let your Mother and Nick talk. Come on, we can go help Silas get ready for dinner."

Victoria gave Nick one last hug and left the room. Heath excused himself to go check on the horses for tomorrow's ride. They closed the door behind them as they left.

Catherine sat in the chair, next to Nick's bed, not looking up. The air in the room seemed to be charged with her daughter's words.

After a long pause, Catherine finally spoke, "I see you read poetry." She was holding Nick's book in her lap.

"Huh? Oh yeah, well sometimes it helps me relax after a rough day." He fumbled with the blankets, feverishly aware that his chest was completely uncovered, except for the bandages around his waist.

"Here, let me help you with that." Catherine got up and brought the covers up around him, she didn't want him to catch a chill. Their eyes met, only inches apart from one another and she suddenly felt that the room had become quite warm. She went back to her chair, embarrassed at the sudden flush to her cheeks.

They both sat in an awkward silence and they searched for the words that they wanted to say.

Nick broke the silence, "you know I'm not mad at Victoria, or you."

"Well, you have been avoiding us, Nick." She looked directly at him.

"I know, I know."

"You know! You've been there for me, for the both of us, since the day we first arrived. Now you treat us like we have a dreaded disease! Why?" Catherine's emotions had gotten the best of her and you could hear it in her voice.

"Look I thought it would be best to let you decide what you felt alone, let you make up your own mind." Nick defiantly folded his arms onto his chest.

"Make up my own mind about how I felt?! Nick, didn't you have any clue how I felt when we were at the dance?" Catherine had stood up and looked down at him, her arms also folded at her chest.

"Well, now I thought "

Catherine interrupted his sentence. She placed both her hands on Nick's arms, bent down and gave him a quick firm kiss on his lips.

"Now, Nick Barkley, does that give you a clue?" She whispered, her face was only inches away from him.

"Now, I'm not sure," He lifted his hands and held her face, "maybe you better tell me again."

Nick drew her to him and kissed her gently first, the passion grew inside both of them and the kiss deepened. Nick parted his lips and Catherine matched him. He slid his arm around her waist, drawing her even closer to him. Catherine's hand slid behind his neck and caressed his hair. He held her tightly in his arms bringing her back on the bed so that he was almost carrying her in his arms. Nick broke their kiss and his lips sought out her neck kissing her softly down her neck to the hollow of her throat. Catherine moaned softly, he was kissing her lips again, even more deeply this time, tasting her sweetness with his tongue. Their kiss broke and Catherine brought her head down onto his chest, she could feel both their hearts pounding.

He gently stroked her hair and held her tightly, not wanting to let go. "You know if you stay like this much longer, we'll have to be married."

Catherine looked up at him and smiled, "Nick, I love you."

"Cat," he kissed her on the forehead, "I love you too."

Two more days passed and Nick was finally up and about, not moving at his normal speed, but everyone was glad to see him about the house again. Nick and Cat spent most of their time together in the company of family and had not had time alone since their kiss.

Catherine had decided it was time to go home for the afternoon, at least, and take care of the horses. Heath had sent Mr. Cummings over to her house to take care of them but she was ready to go look in on them herself now. Catherine went to head upstairs to get a few things from the guestroom and as she climbed the stairs, Nick had come out of his room.

"Well, good morning, Cat!" He was pleasantly surprised to see that they were actually alone. He eyed the other rooms just to make sure.

"Good morning, Nick, I'm going to go over to the house to check on the horses. I'll be back by dinner time." She smiled, it was good to seem him on his feet again and she thought he looked quite handsome in his black pants and black vest.

"Before you leave, come here" Nick took her around her waist and pulled her to him. "Not going to leave here without saying goodbye, are you?"

Before she could get any words out, Nick bent down and covered her lips with his. Catherine's arms went up around Nick's neck and their two bodies pressed together. When Catherine had broken away, the two of them were left breathless.

As she began to walk away, Nick called out to her. "Cat!"

"Yes, Nick?"

"What I said the other day, it's not a bad idea at all" He was smiling.

"Said about what?"

"About being married. It's not a bad idea."

"No, Nick, you're right. It's not a bad idea at all!" She walked into the guestroom and shut the door, smiling from ear to ear.

"Yes!" He whispered, he began whistling and headed downstairs.

Catherine saddled up Thunder and headed to her house to check on the horses.

Nick, Victoria and Jarrod sat at the dinner table waiting for Catherine to come back.

"What the devil is keeping her." Nick said.

They heard a horse coming up to the house and they all got up from the table.

Mr. Cummings came inside, out of breath.

"Mr. Barkley," he said, addressing Nick.

"Cummings, what is it? "

"Its Mrs. Trenton, her horse." He couldn't quite catch his breath; he had rode hard over to the ranch.

Nick ran over to the door and flung it open. He saw Cummings horse and then, Catherine's tied up behind it.

"What happened" Nick yelled.

"I don't know, Mr. Barkley, the horse came in alone to her house. And, and there was this letter too, on the horse's saddle." He dutifully handed Nick the note.

It read: Barkleys You Killed Our Brother Now You Will Pay.

Nick crushed the note in his fist and slammed it into the wall, next to the door. "NO! He shouted. "Catherine, where are you?" he whispered.