Fifteen Years
Living in silence
The smile was always there
Even when I was not happy.
The pseudo-smile that
Became part of me.
I don't smile anymore
And I am happier.
But everyone else
Liked me better before
I withdrew from the world.
I am happier now to sit,
Withdrawn from the world,
Never smiling
Alone in my room with
My music and candles and sharp objects.
I've always been a little eccentric
Smile when I'm sad
A blank stare when I'm happy.
I just recently lost my sanity completely, though.
Fifteen years of smiling through tears
Building upon a rubberband until
It snapped and struck my mind.
The control of all my emotions - lost
Confused now, not even close enought to myself
To know who I am.
I am lost in my insanity
(Although I rather enjoy that part)
Now dealing with never-seen emotions of the past
Fifteen Years.

06.21.98