Bumper Stickers
- God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends
- My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
- Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount
- (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If You Can
Read This, My Wife Fell Off
- I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now
- Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little
Shopping
- What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All
About?
- Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just
Better Rich
vLiberal Arts Major..Will Think for Food
- Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the
Queen
- Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law
- If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the
Kitchen
- First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed
- In Dog Years, I'm Dead
- Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye
Opener
- If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't
for You
- The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No
Lifeguard
- Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great
Trade
- Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship
- I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long
It Takes
- Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well
- A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night
- First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That
Order
- Old Age Comes at a Bad Time
- In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One
of the Risks You Take
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal
to shoot them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk
to ME.
- BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
- So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
- I need someone real bad... Are you real bad?
- BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.
- All men are idiots... and I married their king.
- The more you complain, the longer God makes you
live.
- I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it
takes to take what you've got.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off
now.
- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle
drugs.
- Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer
in public schools.
- Hang up and drive.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my
grandfather...
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his
car.
- NEBRASKA: At least the cows are sane.
- God must love stupid people... He made SO many.
- I said "NO" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
- Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE
still an idiot.
- Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with
your lips.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Where there's a will... I want to be in it.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- Don't drink and drive... You might hit a bump and
spill your drink.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Always remember you're unique... Just like
everyone else.
- HONK ... If You Want To See My Finger
- Support Cannibalism - EAT ME!
- God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my
bombardier.
- I don't have a license to kill. I have a
learner's permit.
- Keep honking while I reload.
- Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot,
either!
- Who were the testers for Preparations A through
G?
- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact
change.
- 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two,
it's an amusement park.
- EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets
later.
- If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause
people.
- If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue
you.
- Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
- Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
- My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her
.....or something like that.
- Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an
Indian!
- Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and
derive.
- If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
- Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
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Email me:Tim
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