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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Authentic Space Monkey Pants
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Aldrin's Space Memorabilia;
Albert County, NB
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This is a unique and rare opportunity for all serious space and aviation collectors to own a piece of history. These are the original Monkey pants worn by Boffo The Chimpanzee during his 1963 orbit of the sun. My reserve is conservative $900,000.00 give or take a dollar. Interested buyers please contact Buzz; 555-98976
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2.
Super Spring/Summer Battery Hen Sale!
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Bernie's Poultry Parlour;
Scoudouc, NB
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How would you like your eggs delivered like clockwork for a lifetime? Look no further! That's right! Bernie's hand reared, high quality, long-life battery powered hen's provide you with the eggs you want 24-7. Call Bernie and order your hen today! 555-2347. Cluck! Cluck! Plop!
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3.
Mouth Watering Wursts.
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Wackerbokkers Wild N' Wicked Wurst's;
Dieppe Market, NB
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Here at Willi Wackerbokker's we pride ourselves on our finest German sausages. From our Shrinkenwursts, to our animal friendly Ratdroppenwursts, Bloodhardenedwursts to our Garlic and Crab filled Finklebursterwursts. Our selection is truly amazing and out of this world. Pop down to our booth this Saturday and slide a Wackerbokkers Wurst in your mouth!
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4.
Stuffed Hedgehog
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Terry's Taxidermy;
Measles Head, NFLD
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This here is Arthur. I was very privelidged to have had the honour of stuffing him. Imported from Oxfordshire, England this little spine encrusted critter is extremely rare in these parts of Canada but can be found floating belly-up in many swimming pools across the UK. If you would like him give us a call. 555-7894
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5.
Candle Wax Willy Sale!
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Phil's Phallic Phun; George Blvd, Moncton, NB
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Ladies Get your hands around one of my Candle Wax Willy's today! Up for grabs are one-hundred of my personally molded members. They come with their special slow-burn guarantee and authentic waxy dribble. Go on - treat yourself! I know I did! Enquiries 555-PHIL
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6.
Ear Wax Removal Appliances
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Ears R' Us; Highfield Square, Downtown Moncton
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Cordless-Suction-Ear-Wax-Cleaner safely and easily sucks out wax. Powerful, yet gentle suction removes embedded wax without injury. Compact. Requires two AA batteries. The come in purple, blue and snot-green. $15.00 + Tax. Call 555-4593
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7.
My Old TV.
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Bert; Old Crotch Brook, NFLD
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Bert here. Sellin' me TV. Got a new one now. This un works. It's got a few channels. I stole it from a hotel in Gander several years ago. It Never had cable in it. I'll sell me empty beer bottle too if yer like. its an 1892 amber ale one. So if yer want me telly its yours for $5.00. PS them wimmin in the picture wuz on the TV when I took the picture so they'll be gone when you get it. Call 555-7845
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8.
Signed Celebrity Organ Sale!
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Mimi's Musical Organs; Rat's Nest Brook, NB
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Fabulous old reed Organ. Minty-fresh. Top shape. Plays like new. This little 40-year old tease was played on by Elvis John back in 1973 during his sellout 'Sunday Service Catholic Saviour Tour'. Signed by the star himself. It's yours for $45,000.00 Any takers? Call; 555-2226
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9.
Pool Triangle
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Goolies Pool Accessories; Sackville, NB
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Rack up your balls with this solid oak, hand-made pool triangle. Yes that's right, Pool hall fanatics you can own your own triangle. Impress your friends by bringing it to your tournaments. Alternatively impress your other half by using it to hang your clothes on. Yes it doubles as a clothes rack! Order by Calling 555-7845
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10.
Disarmed Ukrainian Missile Shells
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Andy's Army Surplus; Summeryside, PEI
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Got some nice Ukrainian shells freshly dredged up from the North Atlantic. Totally disarmed but great to display if you are a world wide collector of missiles. They truly are in exceptional shape and even have high traces of radiation on them. (Manufactured near Chernobyl one can assume) Although they say made in Taiwan on the under belly. I'll sell the pair for $55,000.00 or swap them for a Mongolian Air to Yurt Missile (a rare find indeed). Call 555-8956
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11.
Great Family Homestead Potential! Fantastic Location!
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Premier Class Housing (Dartmouth's #1 Realtor Specialists); Dartmouth, NS
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An Ideal fixer-upper! This former sex club located next to the Dartmouth oil refinery is just the location for a family wanting to relocate from say, Sydney, Nova Scotia to somewhere a little more industrial but homely at the same time. With running water and a generator for electricity this little gem is a steal at just $926,000.00. Call 555-HOUSE
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12.
Fabulous Victorian Island Farm House
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Island Retreats (Newfoundland's #1 Realtor); Scabies Fork, NFLD
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Great Deep Gut Island, NFLD. home to thirty-six or so abandoned dwellings. This by far stands out as the best. Comes complete with six bedrooms, one bathroom, kitchen and outhouse. No running water. No heat, no sewage appliances and no furniture. It does however have a salt cellar and a rowing boat to assist you to and from the 6 acre wide Island. Asking $365,000.00. Lots of potential. Great location to make and sell peat Moss. Call 555-9024
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13.
Mini Cooper Bargain Bonanaza!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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This is the real deal! Not the crap that BMW puts out these days but the genuine Austin's made back in the good ol' days! Had a slight hiccup with a guard rail en-route to my lot. No major damage. Just a tiny scratch to the trunk. Yours if you want it - infact take it! $41,000.00 taxes all in! Call 555-DEALZ
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14.
2003 Courier Van
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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I don't know where they come from! Found this gem parked in a swimming pool. As you can see its a corker of a carrier! Bright yellow, no scratches, no bumps or knocks, just a waterlogged engine and lots of damaged goods in the rear. Take everything, it's yours right now for $459.00. That's what I said $500.00. Courier vans are the cheapest of the cheap! Take yours and turn it into an Ice Cream Vending business for a tidy profit! 555-DEALZ
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15.
White Japanese Made Car
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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Got a car here at the far end of the lot. It's literally hanging by a thread. Joy-riders broke in last night and wrapped it up around a pole! Its so beat up I can't even tell what make it is. Lovely V8 engine though! Drag it off my lot for $78,000 and I won't say a word! Call 555-DEALZ
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2006 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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