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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Winkelburn Weiner Warmer L@@K!
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Gaston's Gourmet Culinary Kitchen Things;
Moncton, NB
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A great gift for any Weiner lover! This device is compact and very handy for all types of Weiner. It operates on a 3 stroke cycle - Slow, medium and fast. It even has a handy hot dog slot to slip those ready made buns into! Call and order yours today! 555-2345
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2.
Kurt Cockburn Nut Roaster L@@K!
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Gaston's Gourmet Culinary Kitchen Things;
Moncton, NB
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This beautiful factory made Kurt Cockburn non-stick nut roaster is the perfect addition to your kitchen culinary collection! It comes with a gentle built-in nut twister so you can slowly roast your nuts at a comfortable pace. It comes with a lifetime guarantee and a bag of your choice of nuts! Yours to own for $49.99. Call Today! 555-2345
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3.
Manual Apple Crusher.
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Leblanc's Fruit Farm Equipment;
Cheticamp, NS
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Pulp apples, pears, or other hard fruit before pressing. Very similar to the manual grape crusher, except the fruit is first chopped with stainless cutting blades before entering the rollers. Gift pack price $6700.00 plus Tax! Call
555-7777
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4.
Manual Grape Crusher.
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Leblanc's Fruit Farm Equipment;
Cheticamp, NS
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Grapes go in the hopper — pulp comes out the bottom, and stems are augered out the side. A large hand crank drives aluminum rollers and agitator inside the hopper and the destemmer auger. Stainless hopper is 33"x21" and 11" deep; entire unit measures 52"x13"x24" tall. Pictured here with stand and chute, sold separately. Gift pack price $999.00 plus Tax! 555-7777
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5.
Twatt's Spring Chest Expander.
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Ernie's Physical Experience; Cape Tormentine, NB
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Show them girls your physique! Get one of these and you'll have a chest that'll make 'em dribble! My buddy Biff - a trucker, had a few returns if you know what I mean and dumped a few broken boxes my way. These buggers work. I have a weird chesty muscle now that I never had before! Get them while boxes last $36.99ea. Call 555-4489
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6.
Edible Candy G-Strings!
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Brenda's Sinful Sinsations, Riverview, NB
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Men love seeing G-strings. Men love eating candy. Made from the same type of candy from a pearl necklace or bracelet you used to eat as kid, except now it will be more fun, and you won't get bellyache. Only one size available. Please Note:- The Edible Candy G-Strings can not be returned for quite obvious reasons. Call 555-2211
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7.
Butt Wiper.
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Izzy's Arse Remedies; Dartmouth, NS
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This 4-ft long cane made from 100% bamboo is perfect for easing tense, itchy arses! Whether your running a marathon or just sitting for long periods of time sooner or later your arse is going to get a little tickly. Squirm and writhe no more! This pole is the perfect score! Get your partner, buddy or passer-by to relieve you! It works trust me! Comes in a nice presentation box. Call 555-6111
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8.
Naughty but Nice Nipple Lotion.
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Svetlana's Feminine Boutique, Cowpat's Round, Newfoundland
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Happy Girl Nipples and Cream consists of Strawberry and raspberry extracts as its active ingredient. Our cream starts working the moment you stroke it on. However as the intensity of the pigmentation may be stronger in the nipple area than other areas, it may take a longer time to see the results. Generally an improvement in colour will be apparent after about 4 to 8 years. Call 555-2234 for your's today!
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9.
Headless Barbie Doll.
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Gary's Garbage And What-Not, Gordon St, Moncton, NB
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Found this plastic beauty (minus the head) whilst trawling thru the garbage along my street the other morning. Great set of jubbly-wubblies though. Plenty of potential with this one. No scrapes, cuts or missing limbs. Yours for $25.00. Call 555-1288. Have Fun! PS - Dope, Hash, Crack - no problem!
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10.
Sweaty Butt Crack?
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Achille Mallais Malaise; Dieppe, NB
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Der Monkey Butt powder is used for anti-friction and sweat absorption in Der butt area. Wet seats an' hot sweaty days, or just sitting on your bike can take a toll on der rear der eh? (I should know eh?) It 'as a special talc formula wid calamine an' is female friendly too! No corn starch. If you 'av ever experienced a wet butt all day long you know what dey mean by der "monkey butt" La. Each tub sold separately! Call 555-BUTT
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11.
Save Your $$$ See My Victorian Townhouse Blowout!!!
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Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
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Set in the scenic suburb of Dartmouth, Nova Scotia this lovely 4-bedroom reno is just the perfect starter home for newly released felons, drug dealers, and young offenders wanting a go at the real life. Overlooks the oil refinery and high rise apartment block complex and less than a minute's walk to the Save Easy Liquor Store. Who could ask for more! Asking $459,000.00 OBO. Call 555-7845
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12.
For Sale! Almost Finished!
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Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
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Super $$$avings to me made here! A roofless, doorless, windowless 5 bedroom shell that fell victim to a dispute between Dieppe Town Councillors and Private land owners. While the ongoing battle continues why not snap this little beauty for $5,000 then sell the bastard for a stupid price! This superb house comes with no water, electricity or cable hook-ups. The City wanted to install all these features for $36,000!!! At the owners expense!!! Call555-7845
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13.
Little House On The Prairie!
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Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
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Located right on the top of Fanny Slap Mountain in Albert County this picturesque little cottage is an absolute dreamboat for desolation lovers everywhere! Situated on 40 acres of prime rock and bog it has four bedrooms, 1 bath, living room and kitchenette. Comes with no running water or power. Live the life and live it free! Asking 968,000 Call 555-7845
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14.
Custom Built Pontiac Sunfire!!! Unbeatable Offerl!!!!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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Super Dealz Wonderful Wheelz! Slap my wife's face with a wet dish cloth! Hang my son upside down and use him as a boxing bag! This has DEALZ written all over it! An amazing custom built two wheeler!!! Not many of these to the pound! Only $45,999!!! Call 555-DEALZ
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15.
L@@K! Brand New BMW 735i!
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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Hit me in the back of the head with something heavy and blunt! I must be going mad!! This is a sensational car! It sits head above shoulders over the competition! (my valet parking guy accidently sat it on some railings!) But hey for $63,899 someone has to be stupid enough to buy it! I mean people buy Hummers don't they!!! Call 555-DEALZ
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16.
L@@K! 1996 Mazda RX-7
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Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
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Red and classy! How about this sexy hot little number. Splash out and give your lover or bit on the side a nice treat! It parks anywhere! Like up the side of a tree! Hey come on give my man-blobs a squeeze! This is an absolute tease! Call 555-DEALZ! Yours for $29,995
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2007 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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