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ENTERTAINMENT
CELEBRITY NEWS
The Secret Is Out! Tom And John Are A Couple!
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The Fairy Tale Begins... Ompah Gets Intimate With Her Favourite Boys.
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) - It was America's worst kept secret. The rumours had been swirling and swooping over these two Hollywood heavy weights for months following Tom Crew's recent separation from Katie Couric.
When Billionaire Mega-ego Media Mogul Ompah Winfrey announced a whole hour of live one on one time with Tom and John the world just knew what the two would do.
With John Revolta's own personal life getting a thorough spin cycle through the gaydar it was only a matter of time before people would be putting two and two together.
"It wasn't a surprise to Tom," one source said. "He knew John had a crush on him for years the only problem for him was that their Scientology beliefs conflicted with their personal feelings for each other.
"John wanted him home more so they could spend more time together at his secret cottage in Colorado. But Tom was too busy flashing his trademark grin and making movies." According to a secret source.
"We were not getting any younger." Revolta said. "I needed to settle down, to grow old and focus on what really matters, like my Airplanes. It will be a struggle but it will be a happy one". he beamed. Tom then leaned in towards John and gave him his trademark grin. "Pure Poetry" he whispered. "Pure Poetry." Then the audience went wild.
Reclusive Hollywood Actor Reveals His Love For Lego®
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Here's Jacky! Veteran Actor Enjoying His Lego® Moment.
Los Angeles, California (AP) - Hell-raising Hollywood movie legend Jack Nicholson stunned onlookers last Sunday by
appearing with some of his illegitimate children at the annual Burgundy Hills Lego® Convention in California.
When approached Nicholson, 75, a renowned recluse whispered "At my age I have only two passions, cigarettes and my love for Lego®, not necessarily in that order!" he quipped, reminding
everybody why he was so good as the Joker in 'Batman'.
"Truth is I've always loved Lego®. It was the day Angelica Houston bought me a 5,000 piece bucket of assorted bricks and I built a multi-coloured Joint that I knew I was hooked."
Asked who's kids he had brought along to the convention with him he simply shrugged. "Some are mine, some are not, some maybe Grand-children. I have so many I've lost count.”
The important thing is Jack seemed to be taking life in his stride, one brick at a time.
Gas Pump Jockeys Airs This Tuesday On Discovery
Jockeying For Position. Old Vs Young.
Dry Wells, Oregon (AP) - This is the story of three New Jersey Gas Jockeys - Cleatus, Earle and Hildon who under the watchful eye of store owner Clarise bring experience to their pumps.Their tasks usually include pumping fuel, cleaning windshields, and checking vehicle oil levels.
"We sell gasoline and gasoline accessories and while we don't work for tips we dont do tricks"Says Eighty-six year old Cleatus Butts.
'Mama Bessie's Fried Fuel Stop' has been operating since the 1960's." Fifty-nine year old store owner Clarise Mackenzie pointed out.
The show's ratings are sure to soar when rival gas station "Chickies" opens across the street. Enter Douglas and his trio of twenty-something hotties as they buff up and wipe away stains in their scantily clad bikini's.
The temperature is sure to rise as Clarise and her boys begin the fight of their lives!
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LIFESTYLE
HEALTH
Bingo Wings Are Fast Becoming The Arms Of Choice For Most Westerners
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Look Familiar? You May Well Be Suffering From Bingo Wings (Pictured)
London, England (AP) - What are Bingo Wings and where do they come from? Bingo Wings are the hanging portion of fat that swings from an obese persons upper arms when they are raised and shaken while shouting "Bingo!" during a tournament. They are also known as - 'Rump Chumps', 'Double Chubble', 'Jabba Flabba', 'Arm Charms', 'Classic Bingo Wings' and for you boys out there - 'Chap Flaps'.
More and more women and men are being subjected to the development of Bingo Wings due to their westernized way of life. Sitting in front of the TV while eating a tray of donuts for example over a long period of time, say a week or two, will ultimately cause Bingo Wings.
Spending all day at the office hunched over your desk staring blankly at your computer screen while eating sandwiches and cake will ultimately over time cause your arms to develop Bingo Wings.
Eating saturated fat by the bucket load, ordering Greeko take-outs and guzzling donairs at a faster pace than Usain Bolt may well lead to Bingo Wings in a very short time if not nipped in the bud early on.
Society has now made it easier to attain Bingo Wings now than actually maintaining healthy underarms.
The cure is simple - use the Powerspin, a weighted device which targets the arms. It resembles a steering wheel and consists of a weighted ball within a circular tube, which creates a centrifugal force as it is spun.
Using this technique once a week, should reduce your Bingo wings to no more than just flabby unsightly rolls of sagging skin.
BEER REVIEW
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Through The Throng Of An Alcohol Fuelled Festival 'Auld Combine' Came Out The Winner.
Not so long ago on a trip to the UK I attended the Cornish Caskival Festival. Not a pretty sight by any means.
While there I witnessed hundreds of puffy-cheeked farmers and fishermen waddling, belching and tripping over themselves. However within the hour I too seemed very dizzy and I
apologize to those I may have bumped into, urinated or spilled beer on.
There was one beer during the many I consumed that left an imprint on my mind. It was the John Beere brewed 'Auld Combine' (abv 7.8%). A deep throaty ale that really packed a punch!
It made you want to run to the hills, (Or in my case the toilet stalls). But boy oh boy it was a fruity, hoppy, beast with a hint of Diesel thrown in.
As Tina Turner would say - 'Simply the Best!'
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In Some Monkey's Nuts With A Fine Blond
Sitting all alone in the Monkey's Nuts Public House in Shinglesford on a Tuesday afternoon as the rain beat down outside I asked the barman to give me one of the best locally brewed pints he
had on tap.
The result - 'Harvest Bale' brewed by 'Dean Pit RIP'. A small brewing company that has its origins I am told, very close by to the residence of current Prime Minsister of Great Britain Davy
Cameron.
Turns out it's the finest blond I’ve drunk in many a year, Harvest Bale is brewed with an aromatic blend of Cotswold hops and cashew nuts giving this 4.8% alc pale beer exceptional poise.
Its distinct nutty straw flavour gives it a familiar damp, mold finish.
Brewed to perfection in true 'Dean Pit' fashion!
BOOK REVIEW
The Ventriloquist's Sister By Rachelle Heine.
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Yet Another Dark, Disturbing Delivery From One Of Canada's Foremost Literary Writers.
This is Canadian born author Rachelle Heine's fifth novel to date. It follows hot on the heels of her critically acclaimed book 'Petitociac River Killer'.
We caught up with the Toronto based author in Gananoque, Ontario to explain the motives behind her latest endevour.
''The book is about a Ventriliquist, a dark, disturbed ventriliquist. We are not talking some idiotical prat like Mike Smith, stuffing a bespectacled Thunderbirds throwaway puppet on his arm but a living, breathing, human being wearing a top hat."
In Heine's latest novel we follow Darrick, the main character, trying to make ends meet by bouncing his female dummy up and down on his knee. His goal is to buy a Dodge Charger but as you will see as the story unfolds - this will have to wait.
The more you read the darker the story becomes. The horror of the whole matinee is that Darrick quite possibly, might be 'The Ventriliquists Sister!'
The Girl With The Pink Moustache By Vernon Seltzer.
Acclaimed Author and Screen Writer Vernon Seltzer Delves Into His Murky Past To Illustrate His Latest Literary Masterpiece.
Seltzer, a Jewish native of Queens, New York, the son of a wig manufacturer, grew up super rich.
"I was born into a lot of money. My father Efraim spun wigs out of gold, just like Rumpelstiltskin. I had everything except - facial hair. I loved Pappa's moustache. One time when I was maybe seven or eight I stayed up late and watched my father consume four bottles of Red wine. That is where I took the title of my book from."
'The Girl With a Pink Moustache' essentially follows a thirteen year old Lithuanian girl called Yetta on her road to adulthood during the turn of the 20th century. During her travels she is caught stealing bread and chocolate from an evil witch that lives in the woods. This results in poor Yetta having a spell cast upon her so that whenever she finds romance a pink moustache will appear.
A thoroughly good read. 9/10
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