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PERSONALS
1.
Are You A Drunk In Need Of A Drink?
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Dick's Drinks Emporium;
Moncton, NB
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Need some booze? I'm your man. Scotch, JD, Gin, Voddy, Thunderbird, rats piss, brake fluid, toilet cleaner, battery acid, I got it. Anytime anywhere. Ale's, lagers, Pils, bitters, you want it? I supply it! I'm usually at home and extremely drunk most days, so why not join me for a couple of snifters yourself! Call 555-DRINK
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2.
Want A Quickie? Play?
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Clamidia;
George Blvd, Moncton
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Hi Clamidia here. If your looking for a good time, a five knuckle-shuffle or whatever, you can find me dragging my heels, spun out, high on meths somewhere on George boulevard after 9pm
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3.
I'm a Genius and I can prove it!
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Pierre;
Lac St Tabernacle, Quebec
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Think your interesting? Think again dumbass. I'm the interesting one! I have a degree in mathematics, neuro-biology, physics and everything else. I am clever! I don't even want you to open your mouth unless you can tell me what the square root of my toe nail multipled by its mass on a ratio of 1 to 47 billion is. You can however, take me to the zoo and let me feed carrots to donkeys. I don't mind that! Call 555-8943
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4.
Artistic Hippy Lesbian Singer Seeks Fat Ugly Moose
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Nadine;
Bathurst, NB
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Just broke up with my trucker boyfriend. He didn't satisfy me whatsoever. I'm a caring sensitive type into the arts and preserving the countryside. I'm looking for a rock hard, muscle bound fat dominant female to give me more abuse than my ex did. Call 555-8975
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5.
Long Suffering Divorcee Looking For Sympathy
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Ronaldo; Moncton, NB
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I have suceeded in being unsuccessful in every aspect of my life so far. If your luck ran out the day you were born and you yearn for something marginally better than a piece of mould growing in the back of your refrigerator than call me, 555-7845. P.S I also have an irritating nasal drip.
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6.
Thrill Seeking Dentally Challenged Mature Woman
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Erica; Sawmills Ditch, NB
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Hello. I'm Erica. I am 52 years old and I am looking for a naughty young man to liven up my life. We can wine and dine and play footsie under the table or, if you prefer I can cover you in batter and spank you black and blue. Sounds Good? Call, 555-8880
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7.
Hello Gorgeous! See Something You Like?
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Handy Andy; Dieppe, NB
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Ooo! Where were you when I was handing out the invites? Bring yourself on over here you young manly thing! I can do things to you that would make your toes curl! Let me tell you! Cross-dressing is my Stock-ing trade! I'll be your Mum anyday of the week. Oh stop it your teasing me! Call 555-4532
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9.
Hansome, Like My Peaches? Wait 'Till You See The Rest Of Me!
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Reg; Springhill, Nova Scotia
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Heh! Heh! Reg here. I'm a 61 year old retired miner. The nearest I've got to a woman was when country singer Anne Murray signed my underpants. The picture by the way is of my daughter Dolores, she's a model in Toronto, butt it got your attention eh? Hur! Hur! Call 555-8905
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9.
Yo! Girls! Do You Think You've Got The Right Equipment to Oil My Tool?
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Rick; Hillsboro, NB
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Hi Baby! The party is right here! In my PANTS! Twenty-four seven! They don't call me the BONG with the DONG for Nothing! If you want something to hang onto then Woof! Woof! You can swing yourself off my lamp-stand all NIGHT! I'm so well hung I don't even need my legs to walk!!!! Call 555-1232
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10.
Tender Loving Single Girl Seek Drunk Bi-polar Canadian Geek
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Akira; Kyoto, Japan
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I'm wanting to live in New Brunsick. I hear Canadians in New Brunsick are bi-polar right? Well that's different. So I want a drunk Bi-polar Canadian from New Brunsick. If you thing you got a think for Japanee girl. Call me long distan 3457-0011-787877
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11.
You Looking At Me? You Better F!#*ing Be!
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Baby-Cheeks McBratney; Long Island, NY
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How yuz all doin'! Dis is Baby-cheeks McBratney. Retired Wiseguy lookin' for a simple Canadian broad who goes ta da Church on Sundays and bakes home made apple pies. A goyle who'll iron my threads and bake cookies. I'm sick a' all those dumb-ass gold diggin' bimbo's widowers down here in the States who live da life of luxury and fill their faces with botox. Capiche? Call 555-BABY
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11.
Girl To Girl Bonding
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Marita; Halifax, Nova Scotia
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Sexy, Italian model seeking female soulmate for genuine sensual experiences. You must be attractive, serene and sensitive. We can spend our days cruising the boutiques for the latest feminie products to maek sure we look young and stay young. If your my kinda girl call now, 555-9090
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13.
Washed Up Newfie-Born Canadian Comic Seeks A New Angle
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Rick Mercer;
Toronto Area
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I am probably just as sick as you are to turn on the TV and see me on there at least 3 times a day droning on about nothing in my typically irritating nasal wine. It's got to the point where I'm the only bloody comic CBC bothers to hire on a regular basis. It's like being Mike Clattenburg, he's like the only Director Canada has right now and even he wishes someone would Direct something that he hasn't already Directed. I mean come on Canada where's your artistic spunk for God's sake!
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14.
He! He! Stop it! Ahhh! Giggle! Titter! Tickles! Ha! Ha!
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Anita;
Muddyview, NB
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Whoo! Whoo! Snigger! Heh! Heh! Oh Please Stop! Haa! Get it off! Whooaa! Mmmm! har! Har! Hmmphh! Ahhhh! Titter! Snigger! Ho! Ho! Wooooo! Wooooo! Yes! Yes! Oh Boy! Mmmmmm! Ohhhhh! Finished already????
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15.
Humble Conservative Leader Looking For Political Salvation
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Stephen;
Progressively Regressive Conservative Party Of Canada, NB
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Fellow Canadians I am truly sorry you did not vote for me. I apologise for that. I honestly thought you people would vote for a clean shaven, tidy haired alter boy type like me than a shabby, old aged, scruffy billionaire like Paul Martin. I guess there are too many of you Union-made CN Rail, socialist farmer types still flogging a dead horse! Again my apologies for thinking society had changed.
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16.
Baa!
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Flossy The Frisky Sheep;
Norton, NB
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I'm five years old. I Enjoy bleating, sleeping, eating cud and cowpats and being given the odd sturdy shove from behind
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Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors
© Copyright 2002-2004 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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