Sun and Fire

You are the sunshine my body craves

Warm rays caressing my face

Awakening responses within me

I hold up my hands to feel

The warmth emanating from your body

I cannot understand how quickly I have come

To depend upon you to light up my day

And yet I cannot ask for your attention,

Only gratefully receive it

You are the sunshine my body craves

Yet you have me all confused

With so many different messages passed between us

I cannot understand how quickly I have become

Accustomed to seeing your face

And hearing your voice

You are the sunshine that my body craves

Now you hide your face from me.

Your eyes are shuttered, your words lifeless.

Surely we created these walls between us

Stone by stone we built them up.

Am I the only one desiring their destruction?

Or are you unhappy on the other side?

You are the sunshine my body craves-

Warm rays to caress my face.

You awakened responses within me

Stirred and moved to a slow, passionate response

I am bereft without your warmth.

reaching thru the wall of fire

my rags fall away

standing naked before You to be judged.

Above me and below me,

Always surrounding me-

ribbons of light that shine

through the particles of dust that I am.

I am nothing if I do not reflect His glory.

I am like particles of dust given a form but having no breath; no life; no soul.

Above me, below me, around me, and through me-

LIGHT that makes me whole.

radiance shines

o holy light

through the window of a pure soul.

like a shooting star I fall,

like the candle flames I die.

smokey remembrances.

quick. brief. moment.

I Fell Today

I fell today.

every step I took trying to recover

caused me to become more stuck in the mire.

I can't release my fears and emotions,

there isn't words to describe the thoughts running through my mind

I want to rip out my soul and do away with it all;

all the confusion, the chaos, and the muddled emotions;

all the broken resolves, boundaries, and compromised morals...

there is no button that says; "RESTART", only one that says "NEXT"

wanting only to run away, I cannot find the energy to move on,

afraid that "NEXT" will be worse than "PREVIOUS"

wanting only to hide in a dark corner,

I stand on the boundary between shadows and light,

fighting to believe that the sun will come tomorrow and clear away the desparation of tonight.

I stomp through the night

wearing harsh, unrelenting combat boots,

treading insensitively on the feelings of others.

I wear a stony frown and my eyes are stormy.

I use a machete to wade through the lives of others

cutting them at the heart with my sharp anger,

clearing a path before me- still there are obstacles in my way.

I am alone in a sea of lies, breathing air tainted with hippocrasy

There is only me in this field of carnage,

there is only me crying out to the Sun.

Hide your face from me no longer!

Show me the light of the day!

I am not worthy of Your brilliant radiance-

but still, illuminate me and the path ahead.

Crash and Burn.

Because I have forgotten how to live any other way.

I cannot believe that you love me because I do not love myself.

The fields go up in flames which consume my desires

I am nothing without You. I have nothing if I have not You.

I have not You. I AM NOTHING.

Crash and Burn.

Who will put out the fire I started?

I started on a rampage and now regret my choice.

Show me the way that I must go.

Help me put out this fire.

exploding inside

falling apart at the seams

spitting out sparks

catching on fire

Playing With Fire

I tried to put you from my mind

you filled all the spaces as only sunshine is able to do

all the spaces of my mind are filled with you tonight

How did you manage that?

Somehow you know me though our times together have been brief

I wish I knew how to maintain a safe distance

all or nothing-

I have problems accepting grey when I want black or white

You have me wrapped around your little finger: Beckon and I come

Even though I know I am playing with fire...

The flames curl and beckon me closer-

Closer still I come, hands outstretched to recieve your warmth

My eyes are aglow with your reflection

How many miles must I pace to put you from my mind?

to wear out the restless feelings you have stirred within me?

How unfair that I will never reach you, nor know you as I wish.

Always beyond my reach yet I long to touch- I yearn.

Fustrated- I pace the miles and wear a hole in the rug

only serving to remind me why

I am here ranting with desparation and pacing so moodily

Flirting and teasing- I play games.

You are the sunshine that I want, the fire that I desire.

Why is fire so attractive, warm and enticing?

Consumed by desire, I search you out

You tease me and we laugh

but there is more than innocent laughter in my eyes.

I wish I knew how to maintain a safe distance between us.