Title: Family Ties

Title of Chapter: Stigma

Author: Alicia08

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Oh, and all characters in the Buffy/Angel verse belong to Joss Whedon and all those other suit wearing folks at those two fledging not very important networks.

Pairing: B/R, W/O, hints of B/S and most importantly B/A.

Description: *AU* Buffy's past is shrouded in mystery. Wanting to discover her heritage, she visits the small Connecticut town in which she was born. On her quest, she finds something unexpected. What does she find you ask? Well, read and find out.

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Prologue

She fought the over powering urge to push.

It was a loosing battle.

She desperately had no desire to have the baby born just yet. It was too soon. Parting with her child was something she desperately wanted to expunge. She wasn't ready to let it go. She wanted to keep it with her longer, but unfortunately her body refused to cooperate. The contractions were constant now, coming in waves. Painful, agonizing breathtaking waves of punishment. It had taken charge and was relentless in its goal. That baby wanted out, and it was determined to be free of it's home for the past 9 months.

Now as she lay in bed, the cotton sheets sticking to her back, as beads of sweat adorned her forehead, accumulating as the night dragged on, the room becoming dangerously humid. The contractions seized her even more cruelly than it did just hours before. Her belly ached as she screamed out in pain, the contractions forcing the child in her womb to progressively make it's way descending, until she could have no more squeezed her legs together and keep her wobbly thighs from spreading, than she could kick away the young lady reaching between them.

"NOOOO," she screamed as she incoherently looked around the room. It was dimly lit, only by the flames sprouting from the fireplace and the fragile veil of dawn, the crackling of the fire, drowning out her pleas for mercy. She knew this day would come. The day that she now dreadfully wanted to pretend was only a nightmare. Those close to her deemed her baby unholy. Conceived and now born out of wedlock was a sin, and the man she thought she loved and whom she thought loved her, wanted nothing to do with either her, or their unborn child. "The baby will be given up for adoption," she remembered the haunting words, uttered; by the man she had once trusted. She had begged him to reconsider, but he disregarded all her pleas, with disdained and ease.

The pain subsided as the vise around her belly began to ease, the sound of her panting filling the quiet room. With the calm, the irony of her situation hit her. Right now, a tremendous blizzard should have bombarded the small Connecticut town, to mark the birth of a child that had cause such a stir among the town's people. The news of her pregnancy had caused an uproar. It left a lasting stigma that haunted her for the duration of her pregnancy. It was the year's most engrossing gossip. She'd even get stares as she visited the corner store. Hear whispers as she walked by. Shunned by all her friends. If only a blizzard had indeed marked this event. Maybe then she could have held on to her baby a bit longer.

Another pain came, this one so cutting that it pulled her from her reverie and she again cried out in pain. The sound echoed in the stillness, the young lady hovering over her, insisting that she continue to push.

"Push, Push, just a bit more. I can see the head. Push hard"

Unable to do anything but, she pushed as hard as she could. Expelling her baby from her body was the last thing she wanted to do. The reality was that expelling her baby meant she was expelling the only life she would ever create, and once gone from her body, the child would be lost to her forever.

She wondered if her unborn child knew that. And if so, would it still be so desperate to leave her body? Either way, she couldn't really blame it though. It just wanted to be born. The only thing she would be able to offer it was love. And as much as she hated the idea, it's adopted parents would be able to give it more than she ever could, and that tiny bit of information warmed her heart.

The pain that hit her next, drove all thoughts from her mind, sending her head slamming hard on the headboard above the bed. Between the pain of her baby forcing it's way out of her body and the pain of the headboard colliding with the back of her head, the former overwhelmed her so much, that the latter was dismissed. Her stomach knotted hard. Unbearable pain circled her middle in coils that tightened with each turn. She wanted a hand to hold for the comfort of knowing someone cared, but there was no hand, no caring soul. So she clutched a fistful of the wrinkled sheet and gritted her teeth, while her body contorted in agony. When the pains desist, she was disappointed to find her body still trembling. Just then, she screamed out in agony as the onslaught of throbbing pain buckled down on her once again. She instinctively bore down.

"Ooooh, that's it. Keep pushing. It's coming. It's coming"

With that last word, she heard the cries of a newborn that rose poignantly over her own labored breath. They were with out a doubt the most beautiful sounds she'd ever heard in her 32 years of living. Wanting to get a glimpse of her baby, she lifted her self up on trembling shoulders, but her quivering arms couldn't hold. Falling back on her bed she asked, "Is it a boy or girl? "

Silence

"Please, I beg of you. I need to see my baby. Please. Please" she pleaded with the midwife, who had tended to her most of the day. She could now hear sounds, but no one responded to her. She knew that the midwife was still in the room, more than likely cleaning off the infant.

"They said not to," a whisper finally engulfing the room, giving her a response

"They won't know. I won't tell them. I promise," she retorted, praying that her pleas would be answered

"I - I can't"

"It's my baby. I have a right to see it"

"Her. It's a girl"

Her breath caught in her throat as the news that she gave birth to a healthy baby girl overwhelmed her. She'd silently wished for a girl. During the early months of her pregnancy, she would sit in her bedroom and visualize her daughter as a teenager. Long blond hair like her own. Sparkling green eyes, inherited by her father. The three of them would be so happy together, as a family. But of course, things are never how you wish them to be.

Once again, she tried to raise her self if only to get a small glimpse of her child, but by now, the baby was tucked into the bassinet that laid still on the nightstand in the far corner. Giving up hope, she fell back on the thin mattress in defeat. She was weak and hurting and so very tired. She had been fighting hard, and that was before the labor had begun. She had worked hard all her life, to live a decent life, and the news that she was barren, came to her as a horrific shock. She had given up on having kids years later, after second and third and fourth opinions from so many different doctors, who all basically told her the same thing. She would never be able to have kids. Fifteen years later when she found herself pregnant and the gossip of town, a disgrace to her family, to say she was stunned and surprised was an understatement. Her lover at the time and father of her child was even more bemused by the news. He had known of her situation and inability to have kids. so he did not take the news well.

Closing her eyes, she let her self be bath by the midwife who returned to her bedside to clean away the blood and sweat that covered her body. A clean gown was slipped over her slender arms, over her head until her naked form was covered completely. The covers were drawn up to keep her warm, and a moment later she felt her bed shift as a weight rested on the edge.

"Just for a little while. You promised not to tell," the midwife explained, handing the baby in her arms to its mother.

"Thank you so much," she managed through tears, looking down into the sparkling green eyes of her daughter. In the dim light of the dawn, she could see her baby smiling up at her, her tiny fingers searching out something to grab a hold of. She was perfect. Round wide eyes, the cutest nose, very unique like her own, and honeysuckled mouth. She had the best of both parents. At that moment, staring down at her only child, she knew it was the right decision. No meager upbringings. No shabby second hand clothing. No below average education. Her child would have the best of everything. She made sure of that at least. The decision for adoption was not hers by far, but she had conceded to it eventually, and as so, she made sure the lawyers were aware of her wishes to find the most well capable and able of adoptive parents.

Rolling to her side, she hugged the infant to her breast. She kissed its delicate forehead, breathed in it's raw baby scent, ran her hands over its tiny form, then hugged it tighter when tears came again. They came faster this time gathering into sobs so gripping that she barely heard the knock at the door.

"No, no... it's too soon," she bellowed, as the midwife forcibly removed the baby from her arms.

"I'm sorry, but we have to leave," the panic filled midwife whispered, not wanting the occupant on the other side of the door to hear.

As the midwife walked towards the door with the baby held firmly in her hand, the dejected mother whispered, as the door creaked open "I love you. I'll never stop loving you," as her baby left her world, and then she was alone. Suddenly a pain racked her body, sending her into panic filled seizures. Her eyes grew wide, as she realized her fate. The pain overwhelmed her, as her eyes closed and everything faded to black.

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