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Title: A Mile In His Moccasins 10/26 Xander walked into the Magic Box, the way he usually did on his lunch hour. He met Anya at the counter with a kiss. "So, find anything interesting while I was gone?" "In the books?" Anya asked. "Of course not. I've been working, just like you. But I have been thinking. About Buffy and Giles and the way they switched bodies." "Have you seen anything like this before? Ever do this to some schmoe in your vengeance days?" "Of course not, Xander. The women I helped wanted vengeance. They didn't like the men well enough to want to be them. Usually they just wanted to either hurt or embarrass them badly." "Okay, so what were you thinking about this, then?" "I was thinking about what we should do if something like this happened to us." "Happened to...Anya, this isn't going to happen to us." "How do you know? Anything's possible on the Hellmouth. We could wake up tomorrow and be each other. This could be just the start of an epidemic. People could be switching bodies left and right all over town. What if I got zapped when I was with Willow or Tara? Would I not want to be with a man anymore? Or if I got changed when I was with you, would I not find you attractive because you don't have a penis anymore?" "An, calm down. This was a demon attack, remember? It's not an epidemic." "Well, if we ran into the same demon, what then? Buffy didn't kill it. She was too busy being unconscious...and turning into Giles. That means it's still out there." Xander took his fiancée by the shoulders and spoke sincerely to her. "It doesn't matter, Anya. Even if you had my body and I had yours...which is a little strange as a concept, and even disturbing...even then I would love you. It wouldn't change how I feel." Anya looked at the floor, then up into Xander's eyes. She smiled slightly. "So...you would still have sex with me even if I had the penis?" Xander's jaw worked for several seconds before he could reply. "I...that is...An, I don't know. That's sorta...weird. But, I dunno, maybe?" Anya frowned and toyed with one of his shirt buttons. "Then maybe we should close the shop for lunch and do it while we're still ourselves." "Best plan I've heard all day." ***** Buffy signed Giles' name to yet another charge slip. She'd worried the first time she tried it. She wasn't entirely sure Giles' body would cooperate with her on that. What if it signed the slip with her name? Or if it just blew a fuse trying to sign both names? Or couldn't figure out which hand to use? In the end, the body had taken over and she found herself taking the pen in her left hand and signing Giles' name as if she'd been doing it for decades. Now all she had to worry about was maxing out his card. Then again, Giles deserved a bit of punishment for abandoning her. And anyway, she was doing him a big favor he didn't deserve. She'd started with snug-fitting jeans and a few tee shirts in colors other than black, white, and gray. Then had come some cool black boots. Next she'd gotten him some underwear she liked better than his floppy boxers that made her feel as if her new privates were dangling unprotected. He now owned several pairs of stretch boxers in neat colors and some fairly abbreviated briefs in tiger stripe and zebra stripe prints. Then some trendier shirts than he normally wore with tab collars and jewel-toned prints. A selection of earrings followed that. And now, the piece de resistance: a form-fitting black leather suit. Just one more place would do it. Lenscrafters. ***** Late in the afternoon, Xander and Willow, sat around the tarot table researching. Anya joined them in between waiting on customers. The bell over the door jangled as Dawn walked into the room and joined her friends. "Hey Dawnie," Willow greeted her. "How was school today?" Dawn shrugged. "Okay, I guess. It was sorta hard to concentrate." "What did you do afterwards?" Anya asked. "You know you were supposed to come here right away. You're late." "I went home to get a snack." "Was Buffy there?" Xander asked. "Is she okay?" "I don't think she is," Dawn said. "She was just sitting on the back porch, staring at stuff. Y'know, sorta the way she did right after...she got back. I tried to ask her what was up, but she didn't say anything. It sorta freaked me out." The others looked at one another, concern clear on every face. "Maybe someone should go talk to her...?" Willow offered. "It's probably something about the bodyswitch," Anya theorized. "Maybe she's just upset about that. In that case, the faster we get her back into her own body, the faster we'll fix her problem and the faster she'll be okay again." "And this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that she's going to be your bridesmaid next weekend?" "Well, I can't have a man bridesmaid. That would be silly." "Xander's having a girl best man," Dawn pointed out. "And that's more than enough non-traditional gender roleplay for one wedding. Besides, if she's in Giles' body, Buffy won't fit into her dress. It will be far too small." "Guys," Xander interrupted, "I think we're missing the point here. If Buffy's upset about being too masculine, what we need to do is find a way to make her girly again. You all know how she is. She'll brood until we have a cure, so let's crack the books and fix this mess." "Couldn't we do it the way we did when Faith stole her body?" Dawn asked. Willow shook her head. "That was done with a Draconian Katra spell, so we could reverse it with another katra that just sorta un-katraed things. But this was something different. We have to figure out what was done to undo it. And find someone to do the spell." Dawn sat. She held her hand out. "Book me, somebody." ***** Giles had reached the end of his rope. He'd been on his feet all day flipping burger patties, dipping freeze- dried potatoes into vats of grease, and dealing with people who ate this unhealthy crap on a daily basis. Several of them claimed an acquaintance with him, which meant Buffy must serve them regularly. They certainly weren't the sort of people he could see her going very far out of her way to know. Not one of them had an idea in his or her head that hadn't been placed there by television. He began to appreciate how lucky he'd been to have been chosen to Watch Buffy, who, while not inclined to books, was smart and intuitive and unconventional even when she tried her best to be average. As for her friends, Willow was a born researcher and near-genius, and Xander...Xander was no Einstein, certainly, and his social skills were sometimes lacking, but no one could question the boy's courage or his loyalty. Anya might be maddening at times, but her knowledge of the underworld was very useful and every once in a while her bluntness made for a bracing reminder of what they all needed to accomplish. Dawn was a difficult child in some ways, but she showed evidence of the same courage and stubborn determination that had so drawn him to both Buffy and Joyce from the beginning. As for Tara...he was surprised at how much he missed her. She was such a gentle, motherly soul, though there was steel in her backbone if one pushed her too far. It had been hard to leave them all behind once, let alone twice. He wasn't sure he could do it a third time. "Buffy! Hey, wake up!" Lorraine called. Giles startled. "W-what?" "Okay, that's it," Lorraine said. "You've been zoning out on me all week long, and today you've been looking at all the equipment as if you'd never seen it before in your life." "I've been a bit distracted, I'll admit..." "Distracted? I think you're more than distracted." She handed him a plastic cup. "Fill this. I'm sending Sophie in with you to make sure you don't cheat." Giles took the cup in a daze. "Fill this with what?" Todd began to snicker in the background. "You've taken this test before, Buffy." "Is this...you want me to take a urine test? You think I'm on drugs?!" "I think if you aren't I'm going to be surprised." Giles drew himself up to his full height, which was now disconcertingly short. Still, he was furious and he knew well that Buffy's face could produce a scowl that had made many a vampire run screaming into the night. He scowled. Lorraine swallowed hard. "If you think I'm going to go through the humiliation and degradation of pissing into a plastic cup so you can check whether I took a hit off a joint a week ago, you are sadly mistaken." "It's your dignity or your job, Buffy." Giles removed his hat. "Why would I want this pathetic excuse for a job? I can do far, far better for myself than this. The rest of you may be content to wear a hideous uniform and this ridiculous hat, but I am neither an imbecile nor insane. How can you all trade in your souls for a minimum wage paycheck and a daily helping of greasy, unhealthy, unappetizing arterial muck? How you all do this job without resorting to pharmaceutical aid is bloody well beyond me!" He marched up to Lorraine and thrust the hat into her hands. "You can take this job and blow it out your ass, madam! I quit!" The rest of the staff stared, dumbfounded, as Giles stalked off into the night. *****
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