Title: A Mile In His Moccasins 14/26
Author: Gileswench
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

Adrenaline rushed through Giles' veins as the vampire flew into the wall of the mausoleum. He raced forward to pummel the creature of the night into submission. One final kick to the goolies and the vampire was ready for staking. He raised his weapon on high.

Suddenly a pair of preternaturally strong arms grabbed him from behind and lifted him off the ground. He kicked wildly until his foot made contact with the creature's kneecap with a sickening crunch of bone. His assailant fell. Giles rolled to his feet and quickly staked the creature.

He turned to finish off the first vampire.

Which was suddenly nowhere to be seen.

Giles huffed in frustration.

"Well, at least I got one."

He dusted himself off and peered around in hopes of finding another unholy menace to destroy. When he realized there wasn't one, he put up Mr. Pointy and headed back toward Revello Drive, doing his best to ignore the feelings building inside him.

If he'd been in his own body, he'd have been hurrying to the nearest private spot he could find. Someplace where he could touch himself without fear of interruption.

But in Buffy's body...

Giles growled in frustration.

Another night of cold showers and holding Buffy, pretending to be her friend when he wanted to take her in his arms and make her forget every other man she'd ever been with.

Except that there she was in his body, and he in hers.

All philosophical questions aside, the mechanics of the situation were bound to be awkward. Not to mention the strangeness of wanting someone who was, to all intents and purposes, himself. A man.

But she was still Buffy, penis or no.

And he didn't dare touch her. He didn't dare even consider it.

Not that that stopped him.

He shoved the idea to the back of his mind as he had done so many times before.

Though it would keep popping back up.

Part of him wished Buffy might be interested if only so he could try making love as a woman. He had to admit, he was curious about what it was like. Even generalized desire felt different in this body. It was similar enough that there was no mistaking what he was feeling, but different enough that he wanted to know; to understand on a level he wasn't sure he could without having the experience.

This sweet, internal ache was so unlike the demanding and obvious need of an erection. For one thing, he didn't need to try to make it go away or hide it. If there was liquid warmth between his female thighs, nobody would immediately notice it. No wonder poor Buffy was having so much trouble with spontaneous erections; she'd never had to worry about whether anyone noticed that she was sexually excited before. One needed to look for signs with the female of the species. And one could very easily miss or misinterpret them.

He was also disturbed by the apparently direct correlation between losing a kill on patrol and the desire he now felt. Was this something Buffy felt every time a vampire got away? If so, no wonder she had made such seemingly unfathomable choices in men. Perhaps this had contributed to her - for lack of a better word - relationship with Spike. Certainly it explained a good deal of why she stayed with Riley so long after it was clear to everyone else that her heart was no longer in it.

Giles began to find a new level of respect at the way Buffy had managed to keep her feelings at bay for so long with Angel.

And the self control both had shown when he returned from Hell.

Unbidden thoughts of Faith sprang into his head. Giles had been appalled by her attitude toward men and sex. Not that he'd wanted to know about it, but Faith was nothing if not painfully candid about that aspect of her life. Now it occurred to Giles how easily Buffy might have developed the same chew 'em up and spit 'em out way of dealing with men - especially in light of how all her relationships thus far had worked out. But she hadn't. Even in the debacle with Spike, she ended by feeling guilty for hurting him and not even seeing what he'd been doing to her at the same time.

It would have been so easy for her to have decided a long time ago that all she needed or wanted from a man was physical satisfaction, and yet it was clear that she wanted more. That she was going to hold out for more.

He just wished she would allow him to be the one to give it to her.

Even if he was currently a woman.

Giles shook his head to clear his thoughts.

This was pure nonsense. Even if Buffy wanted to be with him it wasn't as if he could accept the offer.

No. Best to get this situation dealt with and head back to England as quickly as possible. Get back to his new life in his new home and let Buffy forget he'd ever been back to Sunnydale.

Let her find someone young and strong without all the baggage of forty years of demon hunting. Someone who would actually want to wear that blasted leather suit.

Someone who would still be of use to her in a years' time.

Lord, but he wanted a drink!

Unfortunately, Buffy's body had a very low resistance to alcohol and Giles didn't dare take the chance of getting drunk in his current state.

"Just bloody wonderful," he muttered. "If I was me it wouldn't matter what stupid thing I did to myself."

With another sigh, he turned onto Revello Drive and headed to Buffy's door.

He stopped in his tracks when he felt an odd sensation in his gut.

"Not now, Spike," he growled.

"If not now, then when?" Spike taunted. "I could practically smell you down the block. You know I can make you feel better. Or are you waiting for Watcherboy to make the naughty feelings go away?"

Giles spun around to face the vampire.

"What do you know?"

"Touchy. I know he's here, and looking a right prat, too. Trying to rediscover his lost youth from the sound of things. Leather suit, earring, snazzy new specs, it's pathetic."

Spike lit a cigarette.

"Is he doing it for you?" he asked. "Trying to make you notice him? Or has he already got you into bed?"

"That's none of your business, Spike. Nothing I do is any of your business."

"Is that right? You're the one made it my business."

"Just...go away."

"Is that what you really want? Or do you want me to scratch your itch for you? You know he won't be up to the job."

"So...you think I should sleep with you because nobody else will?"

"Well it's not as if they're lining up round the block now, is it? Face it; I'm it, Pet. It's me or a plastic pal who's not so fun to be with. So which is it gonna be?"

"If this is your idea of sweetalk, you're gonna be pretty lonely, Spike."

"Well so are you if you don't quit playing games, and you don't care for being alone."

"I'm not playing games. And you know what, Spike? There are worse things than being alone."

"You're a fuckin' tease, you are. Look, I know you needed your little show of independence after Soldier boy and all, but you've made your point. I know you, and I know what you need."

Giles laughed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What I need? You know what I need? Go on, Spike. Tell me what I need. This should be good."

"You need a man with a bit of monster in him. Someone who can be as ruthless as you. Someone who won't give out in a hurry. Someone with plenty of passion, lots of imagination, and the guts to make you stop playing games long enough to admit he's what you want. You need someone to let you know who's in charge and make it stick. Someone as dark as you. Someone who knows what the kill is like and how it makes you burn. That's what you need, Slayer, and I don't see a whole lot of takers. And if you think Giles can take you on and make you like it..." the vampire dissolved into giggles. "No, I'm sorry, I'll be alright in a tick. Just...the idea...of Giles...you'd break him into little tweedy pieces in no time."

"Then maybe it's a good thing he's not going to be here much longer."

"Oh, now I get it! You just don't want Daddy to find out who you've been shagging! Look, just put Giles on the plane already. You're all grown up. You don't need him mucking up your life. I been tidying up the place since you and Captain Cardboard blew it sky high, so you can come by the crypt anytime."

"You really don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"That this isn't about Giles. That this is about self respect. Maybe...maybe you have a point with some of what you say. Maybe...I...need some darkness. But there's light, too. And goodness. Humans need those things. Can you give me that? Can you give that to anybody for long? All summer you kept an eye on Dawn, but now...when was the last time you even spoke to her? Face it Spike, you're not a man with a bit of monster in him; you're a monster with the face of a man. If you want someone to be with, go find yourself a vampire girl or a demon. This whole thing is sick and it's pointless. If you keep this up, it can't end well. Just do yourself a favor and stop this."

Giles walked away Spike called after her.

"You can't just walk away from this, Buffy! I know you need me!"

Giles turned back and shook his head.

"You don't know me at all, really. And you have no idea who you're talking to."

He turned again and strode back to the house, leaving a confused vampire in his wake.

*****

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