Spector Halloween Party '05 Part II!

Boo!

Tiring of all this frivolity the Sultan told Sheik Rattle and Deathroll, "Yes, we did take slaves in the Infidel countries we ruled. It was part of the taxes levied."

Sheik Rattle and Deathroll "Too bad it was misunderstood by the west." But Clio didn't misunderstand at all; it's all in the record.

A man wearing a Nazi Officers Jacket, a John Bull Tee Shirt underneath, the striped pants of a Venician Gondolier's white straw boater with a red ribbon and lederhosen came over and said, "But moslem enslavement of Christians was a form of terrorism that harmed Europe but also held Turkey back. That's why I want reparations!"

The Countess of Fattoil Miosenso said, "I was the victim of the Barbary Coast Pirates who raped me, plucked my virginity and sold me into slavery where I ended feeding Jannisaries with my roasted buttocks."

Voltaire "I was the first to widely publicize the barbarity of the Barbary Coast Pirates in my book Candide. I also covered barbarism in France, Germany, Spain and South America. The pen is mightier than the sword!"

Tom Jefferson rushed over beating out Bill Clindon to see the Countess's missing butt. Tom said, "I was the only one ot fight the Barbary Coast Pirates and I won."

Voltaire "The French fought against Algerians and Moroccans to stop the piracy."

Tom Jefferson sneered, "A century after I did and then you really only made them colonies of France."

A 49'er gold miner came rushing over. "Barbary Coast? Dancing Girls? Soiled Doves? A wild game of Faro? Where's the action?"

There was a Snicker bar with my boyfriend licking her ear. The Snicker's wrapper was very tight showing she didn't have any nuts but she has a lot of balls. I stopped him before he got to the nougat!

The Sultan and the Sheik wandered away to continue their discussion. The Sultan said, "We didn't allow the craziness you see in Iraq when we ruled them. It was the British and their paranoia about the passage to Hindia that kept the Arab League from ruling the area."

This was a sensitive subject for the Sheik. "That and Turkey entering WWI on the German side."

A Nurse came up in a Red Cross uniform that was severely damaged on the left side. It was charred, covered with smoke, the shoulder held the sleeve by only a thread and the skirt was torn from the hip to the hem along the thigh leaving a ten inch opening. "On the first day of Ramadan 2003 moslem at a mosque loaded explosives into an ambulance with the red cross on it then drove it to a hospital and exploded it. This year Halloween comes during Ramaden. Trick or Treat little Afreet!"

A Soldier-of-misfortune stumbled over in army combat fatigues with the skin on the left side of his face burned away and a large hole in the side of his pants leg showing a gaping would and a tourniquet. "On the last day of Ramadan 2004 American soldiers on a roof top overlooking a plaza in front of a mosque saw the worshippers leaving the mosque carrying white flags of truce so they could get home. As the soldiers stood to see where they were going snipers in the minaret shot at them!"

There was a Pan Am Pilot wearing a blue black jacket and trousers, shiny black shoes and billed cap who held a chain around the neck of a Pan Am Stewardess in a blue uniform that came to four inches above the knee and just below the elbow. It had bellhop front buttoned on both sides of her torso with blue buttons. She told us, "The Pilots treat us as if we were sex slaves."

"That isn't true. The Stewardii were willing. I flew on the first round-the-world jets . . ." (He was interrupted but a snorting laugh from her.) "and it was very exciting and romantic. Some of the Stewardii spent the night in an Emir's Palace to be paid in a Rolex watch encrusted in Diamonds. That may have been a thousand dollars then but it was no better than what high class call girls did who only charged a $100 for a night!"

The Stewardus burst into tears as she was pulled away by her chain. Poor thing! I wonder what a diamond encrusted Rolex watch is worth today?

The Soldier-of-misfortune tried to lift her spirits with a joke about belly dancers. "What kind of closures do belly dancers use to hold their skirts up? Belly buttons!"

How did I get in the position of preferring terrorists? "What's the difference between Arabic musicians and terrorists? Terrorists have sympathizers."

My boyfriend stepped in and into it. "How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They have machines now that play the drums. Synthesizers have Sympathizers!"

The Pan Am Pilot told us, "Hey, how late does the band play?" Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."

The Sultan wandered back when he heard talk of his favorite things; women who live to please. "How can you tell when a group of belly dancers is amused? By the belly laughs!"

The Soldier-of-misfortune tried another time to get a laugh. "How can you tell when a drummer is at your door? The knock gets faster." He failed.

I gave my double hidden, entendre, "Why are muzhars smaller than darbeckis? They really are the same size, but the darbecki players heads are bigger."

Was my boyfriend hinting to me? "Where can you go to learn how to belly dance? To a navel academy."

The Sheik, who knows his muzhars gave us this shot. "What's the difference between a muzhar and a darbecki? The darbecki burns longer."

The Nurse, who has probably heard them all, asked, "How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb? One, two, three; one, two, three."

The erstwhile sex slave the Stewardus got off a zinger at her former masters. "What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the Arab music, but doesn't."

The Aviator AKA Howard Huge added to the flying circus in his WWI flying suit of white silk scarf, leather jacket and leather riding breeches inside lace up knee high boots. His date was Terry Moore and she was moore than a date; she was his wife! True or not, he couldn't keep his hands off her. Terry said, "I traded my ''on her" for his 'off her.'"

Meanwhile, Howard began to berate (I've heard of X rated but never B rated) the Pan Am Pilot for keeping TWA out of markets.

We left them arguing and soon came to the Columbian Drug Lord in $1000 dark gray slacks over $500 Gucci-Shoechis and a silver silk shirt that serves as a backdrop for a gold neck chain that could control an elephant. He probably would know how many grams of coke would buy a diamond encrusted Rolex watch but he was watching a Modela Estupenda, Super Model, catwalked her way to the nearby bar in her barely there dress that from the rear only covered her derriere.

The Sassy Senorita, a Drug Dealah, found her Columbian Drug Lord and took him on the rebound.

Several Hurricanes blew in. Last year there were four in Florida alone. Maybe Florida is better prepared or maybe these were stronger. Whatever; these three belong at THIS party. First came Katrina, a strong, Russian girl wearing a map of the Eastern U.S. on her front. Next was Rita, a pretty girl in a dress of blue and black whorls and wearing a clear plastic raincoat and hat. The last to arrive was Wilma, a woman looking like Mother Courage! She was wearing a rough red wool robe with a green scarf about her head, pushing a baby carriage with one hand and holding a bag of groceries that look like they survived WWII in the other.

They arrived with Hurry Cane Strippers from last year and were led by a naked girl dressed in a plastic Hurricane glass who was named Hurry Cane of course! The dancers are four energetic geriatric women over 70 in slut dresses and using canes. They were dancing to the tune of Blow the Man Down!

There was one, Charlie, who wore a see through white peasant blouse under which was a see through bra allowing one to see the ghosts of her aureoles. She also wore a red mini skirt, fishnet hose and do-me shoes.

The next, Francis, wearing a red blouse that was unbuttoned to her navel with a black mini skirt showing the welt of her sheer black hose.

Then one, Ivanna (I Vannah, she said huskily), danced while wearing a pink sweater over a pink and white polka dot mini skirt with white stockings and Mary Janes.

And the last whore, Jeannie, simply wore a white T-shirt saying, "For Sale by Owner" and very tight red shorts and a witches hat! Does that mean, 'I Dream of Jeannie,' or a tornado dropping a house from Kansas on a witch?

So I told a joke, silly me. "Today women share Wart Warnings. One gal sent a friend an eMail that said, 'That boy seems to be taking you for a ride so be a wise girl and ‘Frogeddaboudit!' She sent the gal an email indicating they would be hyphenating it to read: 'Frog-edd-a-boud-it' because she had looked the word up in the dictionary and couldn’t find it!"

Last year they were asked why they dressed as sluts for that had nothing to do with hurricanes and they said, "Hurricanes? We thought you wanted four whores with canes!" Well we did get that but these fallen women did not need canes but were great dancers and had great legs!

Hurry Cane, the naked cocktail -- is there a Phreudian meaning there? -- told anyone who would listen, "While Blacks were at Rosa Parks Memorial Service illegal Mexicans were taking the rebuilding jobs in New Orleans!"

Charlie asked us, "A man once asked his friend the difference between a cyclone, A hurricane and a divorced wife?" No one had any good idea but we knew what was coming. "Nothing, They all get the house!"

Francis took us back in time. "what’s the difference between hurricane bonnie and hurricane monica?" No one wanted to hear this one. "Hurricane monica blew a crooked path while hurricane bonnie induced only one surge!"

I Vannah huskily asked, "What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Anyone? No one?" Then she answered, "Hang on to your nuts -- this isn't going to be a regular blow job!"

Jeannie wondered, "Why are hurricanes named after women?"

The naked cocktail, Hurry Cane interrupted, "They aren't. They are named after both men and women."

Jeannie looked peeved. "Because they arrive all wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and your car."

Hurry Cane had one of her own. "In that case, Why are hurricanes named after men?" I guess we all are stupid for none of us know these so she told us. "Because they're noisy, make a huge mess, and if you look into their eyes there's nothing there."

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are Married! Can you believe it? After months of speculation, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore secretly married each other in an intimate ceremony at home. Now they are at an intimate Halloween party with casts of thousands.

I asked Demi, "Demi Moore? Is that half more or is that half less than Moore? And now that you're married is it half a Kucher and if so, what does that mean; 'Kuthch' or 'ku?' If you're pregnant then we wish you Kuchi Kuchi Ku!"

She wisely walked away only to be overwhelmed by the energetic geriatric Hurry Cane Strippers!

They wanted to know about how to trap younger men.

Jeannie said, "It was a May-December marriage, and as the old man climbed in to bed for the first time with his new bride, he asked, 'Did your mother tell you what to do on your wedding night?' 'Yes,' she cooed, kissing him lightly, 'She told me everything." 'Good,' said the elderly gentleman as he turned out the light, 'because I've forgotten everything!'"

I Vannah told us, "My brother is in a very happy May-December marriage, he is 47, she is 26 and they have one son who is 3 and adorable. My very brother often jokes that he is the only person he knows who will be able to order from the kiddy menu and receive a Sr. citizen discount all at the same time!"

Ashton Kutcher told them, "Soon there will be December-May jokes!"

Francis ended the routine by telling us, "Remember Algebra? Then you know that forty goes into twenty more than twenty goes into forty!"

"Algebra? Really! You should wash your bras more often!" That from Demi Moore.

The hard working and hard living heroes of Gracie Mansion, all of them characters, arrived to the strains of "Hail to the Chief!" Hizzoner was bedding his girlfriend in Jamaica but his Chief-of-Staff brought his Wife, her girlfriend and his girlfriend all in the same Limo (at the City's expense, of course).

It was Juba, the Mayor's Intern, who arrived first. She had a coarse rope loosely knotted at the throat and a was covered by a length of cloth striped with dusky red and green, black, khaki and white that covered her from the top of her hip to above her knees. Her shiny black hair was twisted up and over her head then held in place by a chicken foot. She explained, "I was captured by moslem slave traders near the Niger then sent to America on a slave ship with 300 slaves. I am a Voodoo Priestess and can cast spells to bring you love."

Juba is an Aide to New Yawk Cities Mayor and is the favorite tease of Hizzhonor's Chief-of-Staff. She told me she wanted to meet the Hurricanes for she has a lot of relatives in New Orleans. I pointed out these Hurricanes had nothing to do with that disaster then I asked her where she got her name, Juba.

"I was named for the jump Rope chant, 'Juba this and Juba that, Juba killed a yellow cat.' People think natives chant "Juba, Juba" when they're about to sacrifice a virgin to King Kong and that may be . . . in the movies. It seems more likely to be from Juba or joo´be, a city in South Sudan that is a port on the White Nile. In Latin juba is a mane of an animal. In the Roman civil war, King Juba I sided with Pompey, and Numidia lost (46 B.C.) all independence with Julius Caesar's victory and Juba was a King in Mauritania, modern Morocco. In the U.S. though I think it is clearly represented as Juba bing a group dance, probably of West African origin, characterized by complex rhythmic clapping and body movements and practiced on plantations in the southern United States during the 18th and 19th centuries."

The overachieving, overworked and oversexed The Chief-of-Staff came as John Effin. Kennhepee, considered an indication he would be running for office in the next election. He was talking to Hurry Cane about the storms in the Northeast from the Hurricanes.

"We actually turned a profit from the World Trade Center bombing and now we will always have a sentimental tourist attraction like the sunken battleship Arizona but much closer than Hawaii for tourists to visit. But now we have these dreadful storms and no one wants to bail us out! Disaster relief is fickle."

Hurry Cane asked, "Do you think that commandeering all of the Red Cross designated money has led for them now to be bankrupt?"

"Not at all. That money was designated for relief of the suffering of victims of that attack. Not much was needed in Western Pennsylvania and the Feds took care of the Pentagon, now called the Quadragon, so why shouldn't New York get all the rest. Spector is wrong to think that this deprived small towns. In small towns the people can take care of themselves but in large towns we don't have the resources to even do normal things let alone rebuilding," The Chief-of-Staff said with a straight face!

The Chief-of-Staff's Wife, Pamela, came as a Blue State, New York of course. The blue eyed heiress died her hair electric blue, had blue eye shadow and lipstick, wore a sparkling sapphire five string necklace, bracelets, blue shoes and was topless with her nipples died blue and a blue stone in her navel, wearing only blue boy cut panties. "We lost our shirt in the last election," she said.

Kimberly, the wife's red haired lover came as a Red State, Ohio. She had on one of those warm weather, see through Ohio State football jerseys and a sparkling red thong. "My eyes and nose is red from the cold when I'm out doors," she reported.

Kimberly told me, "First it was Homosexual marriage and now its divorce. Can a Homosexual mother with a turkey baster child get child support and force visitation after a divorce? It's so strange it's really queer."

Pamela laughed. "California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Republican, joked about getting a 'gay marriage' license this week, but a conservative group is not laughing. Likewise, New York Gov. George Pataki, also a Republican, jokingly told a state senator this week, "I don't mind making love to you. Just don't ask me to marry you." The American Civil Liberties Union, a proponent of same-sex marriage, said it was offended by that exchange. It seems Jokes About Same-Sex 'Marriage' Offend Both Sides."

I reminded them, "Spector sees this all the time. People can be upset about any joke."

The Chief-of-Staff added, "Yes, but that is the nature of humour; it has to twist in a way to laugh despite the pain. Today though there is no defense for Freedom of Speech and everyone has an agenda. It used to be that people knew they didn't understand things and now everyone knows everything. That makes it hard on me!"

The Chief-of-Staff's girlfriend, Sexy actress Eve Knapp (Motto: "Just feel the Knapp"), Plush in life and image was the Buff pumping her Chief-of-Staff. She was dressed simply in her uplift bra in red, blue, purple and white swirl. Everyday Lift. Everyday Sexy. Smooth shaping that looks sleek under everything. Softly graduated stretch pads seamlessly integrated into micro-smooth cups giving a gentle uplift with underwire cups, adjustable straps and back closure. A matching thong added a lot for being so small. "I decided to come as a hurricane map of the Southeast." She sure blew the guys away.

Arnold Schwartzenegger picked her up, literally. Then he put her down. He was there promoting his propositions! (How is that sex harassment claim by actresses coming, anyway?) He looks buff but being Governor is Tuff! "Vote NO on YES!" was his mantra!

Arnold was talking to the Chief-of-Staff. He was explaining. "As a kid I was always dreaming about very powerful people — dictators and things like that. I was just always impressed by people who could be remembered for hundreds of years, or even, like Jesus, be for thousands of years remembered. Now they're trying to scare you and make me look like I want to be dictator of California."

"A man was in D.C. looking at the tourist sites when a call of nature broke out in his bladder. He saw a policeman and asked if he knew where there was a public bathroom. The policeman led him around the corner where he stopped and opened a gate in a rear wall. 'In there. Whiz away sir, anywhere you like.' The man entered to find himself in the most beautiful garden he had ever seen; manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieved himself and felt much more comfortable. As he left through the gate, he said to the policeman, 'That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?' 'No sir', replied the policeman, "That is what we call the Democratic National Headquarters!"

It’s day 4 of the French riots. My question is, "Does this mean the American Embassy's Marine guards won't be able to go trick or treating for UNICEF this year?"

"With a week of riots and untold damage to persons and property, I'm wondering when the law abiding citizens will start shooting rioters. Oh! That's right. France has gun control."

Plush AKA Eve Knapp raised a point. "Since the 'fashion' in women's figures has been getting progressively slimmer and less curvy, we've heard men and women both make jokes about how Hollywood and fashion industry are going to have to switch to men or boys as the new ideal because no actual women are lithe enough. Well, that day has already come. Halle Berry's stunt double in Catwoman was a man."

The Spector Editor walked by and heard this. "Spector magazine joked in the 60's that it was only a matter of time that men would be singing, 'I'll be standing on the Dock, handing out donuts when they send you girls over there.' Now we have 40% of the women over 40 marrying younger men as arm candy, less than half the children with a father, and women running Hollywood. Remember, the only men in Hollywood are women!"

A Black Classic Bunny outfit was worn by a Classic Vixen! This luscious Black Velvet Bunny costume had ears headpiece, black velvet leotard with marabou trim & tail. The leotard had an adjustable thigh cinch! Well, loosening her thighs would be a cinch!

Why is it that Playboy Bunnies have such a big effect on men?

Classicists fell to their knees for The Mythical Vixen Medusa! She was in a black crushed velvet dress, black arm bands coiling down her right arm (Now we know where Alexander's Mother got the idea for her bracelets) and two faux gold bracelets on her left to which was attached a shear, black veil, and a headpiece with writhing coral snakes!

She explained. "I'm not a classicist, I just hang out with them because they make weird jokes. Imagine Oxford scientists reading Oxyrhynchus Papyri with infra-red light! We could be getting more Euripides and Sophocles!"

Ronald Raygun arrived wearing a Reagan pullover mask, a General Electric Tee shirt, 20 mule team Borax Levis and carrying a Raygun that gave off eerie light when you pulled the trigger.

Overhearing the word 'classicist,' he added one of his own as begets his age. "There is this one stolen from Plutarch, ‘I had your wife for nothing,’ someone sneered at a wag. ‘More fool you. I’m her husband; I have to have the ugly bitch. You don’t.’”

The Black Classic Bunny who is a Logic major told this old chestnut from the Agora. "A man went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist said it will cost $50. 'I won’t pay $50!' says the man. 'Tell you what,” says the dentist. 'I can’t go below $50, but for the same price I’ll pull an extra tooth.'”

At the same time Papa Nazi arrived wearing a white robe over which he had a red satin shawl over his shoulders with Nazi insignia on the collar and shoulders. Over this was a gold chain holding a swastika, a broken cross. Over this all was a chocolate brown plush embroidered in gold having figures of young children.

Papa Nazi switched from Latin. "Why does a rooster lift one leg when it crows? Because if it lifted both legs, it would fall down!"

Papa Nazi turned to Ronald Raygun as the rest of us drifted away. "As you've probably heard, I've asked all the Cardinals to return to Rome. You know how I'll get them all to come back? I told them that there was going to be a performance by the Vienna Boys Choir."

Ronald Raygun just smiled and said, "There you go again!"

Papa Nazi was asked what makes him angry about the computer age. "What makes me angry the most about the Internet is those pesky Pope-up windows!"

Ronald Raygun asked him, "Is it true that you are planning to change holy communion to include beer and pretzels rather than wine and crackers?"

Juba was walking by and told Papa Nazi, "If you do you'll get all the Fraternity boys to convert and attend once a week!"

The man in a Nazi Officers Jacket, a John Bull Tee Shirt underneath, the striped pants of a Venician Gondolier's white straw boater with a red ribbon and lederhosen stopped to salute the Pope. "Seig Heil, mein Papst! Was sagen Sie zum Sammeln up einen sechs Satz nette jüdische Mädchen und Nehmen sie zu unseren Zimmers?" [To your welfare, my Pope! What do you say to picking up a six pack of nice Jewish Girls and taking them home?]

I was mumbling, "Papst! Pabst! It's all fur beer to me." as I left them.

Not another cookie seller! Now we have Camper Girl in a costume that lit all our camp fires! This sexy scout costume was a khaki shirt with attached red scarf and merit badges, and a green pleated skirt with yellow accents, white socks, high green laceup shoes and hair ribbons.

She explained while she gave me a mint. "My twin brother went through all my campfire girlfriend's hymens; calling them 'Pop Tarts.' 'Gimme some of that daggered Pop Tart then beep a fire 'n niece' 'Give me some of that wine campfire girl then build my fire on your knees. So don't call me a goodie two shoes!"

The Mile High Stewardess is causing turbulence. Good! She wore a chocolate brown zipper front dress with tan piping, chocolate brown scarf tied ala Roy Rogers at her throat, Fishnets and pumps. She was tall, but not that tall.

Halloween Index! 

Halloween Party 05 Part I 
Halloween Party 05 Part III