2000
December 29

"Hey, Chris," Lance called as he heard the hotel suite door open and close, "welcome back to New York."

Chris carried his luggage into the living room and set it beside the couch Lance was lounging on. He laid his jacket on the back of the couch and sat in the chair adjacent to the couch.

"It’s good to be back. It was great to go home for Christmas, but I can’t wait for New Years. Roseland here we come. The MTV viewers aren’t going to know what’s going to hit them."

"Hey, I’m the host. Remember that. You’re the surprise guest."

Chris rolled his head toward Lance. "But the viewers still don’t know what’s going to hit them."

A slow smile crossed Lance’s face. "No, they don’t."

Chris laughed and stood. "I think I’m going to put my stuff in my room. Which one is it?"

"I’m in the one over there." Lance pointed over his head, eyes never leaving the TV.

"All right. I’ll be back." Chris nodded and carried his bags to the other bedroom. He dropped his big bag on the floor and his small one on the bed. He began looking through the big bag when his cell phone rang. He growled in frustration when he realized the machine was somewhere deep in his small bag. He quickly unzipped the bag and threw the contents out until the ringing came from somewhere on the bed. He pushed books out of the way and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, Chris."

He smiled. "Hey, mom, what’s up?"

"Well…"

"What’s wrong?" He sat on the bed. He stood up and pushed his things out of the way and resat on the now cleared bed.

"Lydia’s in the hospital."

"What? Did she get in an accident or something? She was fine when I left."

"No. She just collapsed about a half hour ago. I’m at the hospital with Roni and Katie. We just got a minute so I’d thought I’d call you."

"So you have no idea what happened?" Chris swung his legs on the bed. He pushed his shoes off with his feet.

"No, we don’t. I was making dinner when Roni ran over screaming. I didn’t quite understand what she was saying but I followed her and saw Lydia collapsed in the bathtub."

"Damn." Chris exhaled a deep breath. "How’s Roni doing?"

"Well," Beverly paused, "she’s doing what she need to. Going through the motions. Other than that I don’t know. She’s filling out forms the best she can."

"I understand. How long do you think she’ll be doing that. I’d like to talk to her."

"She should be done in a minute. That’s another reason why I called you. She’s not saying anything and I figured if anyone could get anything from her it would be you, son."

"I’ll try, mom." Chris stood up and exited his room. He walked to the kitchen area and pulled a soda from the refrigerator. He opened it and took a sip. "I can’t promise anything. When Roni decides to clam up she can be pretty stubborn."

"What about Roni?" Lance asked as he joined Chris in the kitchen.

"Her mom’s in the hospital."

"What?" Lance stopped mid-reach for a plate. "Why?"

Chris shrugged. "She collapsed and they just got to the hospital. I’m waiting for Roni so I can get her to talk."

"All right." Lance nodded and left the room. "Tell Roni I say hi."

"Will do." Chris left the kitchen and walked to his room. He shut the door and crashed on the bed.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ron, how you holding up?"

"I found my mom collapsed in the shower. How do you think I’m holding up? What do you think, Chris? Should I be extremely excited? You know I haven’t been in the hospital with my mom since the summer. Should I be happy to be here?"

Chris let her rant on. The more she said the calmer she’d be when he finally got to really talk to her. He put the phone down and took his shirt off. He slid his legs off the side of his bed and pulled his big bag to him.

"Are you done yet?"

Roni yelled in frustration. "I’m nowhere near done."

"Okay. Just tell me when you are and I’ll start listening to you then."

"Chris, you are a bastard. You know that? You think you can just leave and call when there’s something wrong. You’re no good if you’re not here. I don’t even know why I’m on the phone with you. I don’t know why I’ve let you stay this important in my life for so long. Why is that, Chris? Huh?"

"I don’t know." Chris stood and made his way to the bathroom. "Is there anything else you find wrong with me you care to share?"

"Oh where do I start? How about your annoying way of making fun of me when I’m mad."

"Do I do that?" He dropped the clothes he took from the bag on the floor.

"You know you sure as hell do. And then you try to get me off topic sometimes and my concentration is gone. I have a point to make and then you dismiss it and make me move off what I was trying to prove to you. You just can’t believe you could ever be wrong. No, Chris is always right. Roni’s always wrong. Hell everyone but you is wrong. Chris, you are such an annoying man that- Are you going to the bathroom?"

"Oh, wait…" He flushed the toilet. "It’s not like you’ve never done that to me. Plus, I thought you were so into what you were saying that you wouldn’t hear. Sorry."

"But Chris I’m sitting when I’m on the phone so if I drop it it will most likely drop on the floor. It could fall in the toilet, Chris."

"I said I was sorry. Plus, how do you know I wasn’t sitting at one point?"

"That is just disgusting, Chris. I’ve never done that while we were on the phone."

"I know. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t doing that. Now what were you saying before?"

"I don’t know." She sighed. "I just can’t believe this is happening. Chris, I don’t know what to do. This happened with no warning. This couldn’t have anything to do with the cancer could it? I know it’s been in remission for a year or so but when cancer comes back it doesn’t happen like this. Does it?"

"Not normally. Hold a moment." Chris put the phone down and slipped a clean shirt on. "Roni, I really don’t know what to tell you."

"It’s okay." Roni took a deep breath. "Thanks, Chris. I don’t know how you do it but I’m calmer than before. How do you deal with me?"

"Ron, you’re part of my family. I know it’s not by blood but it still feels like I have to tolerate you no matter what. Just like you do me."

"Yeah," she laughed, "you’re definitely not the easiest person to have in your life." She paused and he heard her laugh again. "See. Your mom is agreeing with me."

"Ron, you can say the worst things about me and the best things about me and my mom will agree with you. I’m her son so unless you say something heinous she’s got your back."

"That’s true. Hey, there’s a doctor coming. Can I call you later?"

"Call me as soon as you’re done with him," he ordered.

"Sure. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye."

"Bye." Chris hung up the phone. He carried it into the living room and sat back in the chair. "What are you watching?"

"Nothing really," Lance answered. The blonde tossed the remote on the coffee table. "So what’s the story?"

Chris sighed. "I don’t know. They’re talking to a doctor right now and Roni’s calling me back." He dropped his head to his hands. "I’m so worried. Roni brought up the cancer and what if that’s what it is? Lydia’s like an aunt to me."

Lance glanced at his friend before watching the television for a few minutes of silence. "Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinking?"

"I don’t know."

"Yes, you do. There are a few uncertainties in your mind but I know there are certain things that you know are running through your mind."

"Lance," Chris demanded, "just spit it out. I know you have a point so tell me what it is."

"Okay," Lance sat up, "here’s what I’ve been getting at. Are you still going to be the special mystry guest for New Years? Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking of going back home. You’ve made no public commitments. You are free to go."

Chris sighed with a smile. "We’ve known each other too long."

"So are you?"

"I don’t know. Let’s see what Ron has to say when she calls me back. I’ll see what the situation is and then I’ll make my decision."

"Okay." Lance stood and placed a hand on Chris’ arm. "Do what you need. I completely understand and you’ll be letting no one down by going home. You might be letting more people down by not going home."

Chris nodded as Lance walked to the kitchen. Lance placed an open bag of pretzels on the coffee table and the two watched the news in silence. Ten minutes later Chris’ phone rang. He looked at Lance before picking up the phone and walking back to his room.

"Hello?"

"Chris," Roni’s crying voice came over the phone.

"What’s wrong?" he asked as he sat on the edge of his bed.

"Everything. They think the cancer could have come back. It looks like she’s put on a brave face once again and this time it could cost her her life. My mom, the strongest woman on earth, could be dying of cancer and she did nothing about it. In ‘99 she told no one she was getting treatment but this time she didn’t even go to a doctor. Chris, what am I going to do?"

"I don’t know but I know what I’m doing. I’m coming bac-"

"Chris, no. Stay in New York. I know you need something to take your mind off of your break up with Viv, but do it by partying in the new year. Don’t weigh yourself down with this. Go party and have some fun."

"Roni, I won’t have any fun knowing what’s going on back home." He ran a hand along his neck. "Family is important and your family is my family. Roni, tell my mom I’m taking the first flight I can back."

"Chris, no…"

"I’m going to call Ryan to see if he can pick me up from the airport."

"Chris, what about being the mystery guest? Won’t you be making someone mad by not showing up?"

"Nope. Lance and I just talked about this and he thinks I should go home too."

"Oh."

"I’m going to make some calls and I’ll be there as soon as possible. I’ll let you know my intinerary."

"If you’re sure, Chris."

"I am." He stood and began repacking his bags. "I may come in too late to see you again tonight but I’ll see you in the morning."

"Okay." She sighed. "I’ll see you."

"Bye, Ron."

"Bye, Chris."

Chris began pulling the phone away and brought it back quickly. "Hey, Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you too."

"See you later."

"Bye, Chris."

Chris hung up and smiled. He shook his head and walked back into the living room.

"So?" Lance asked as he peaked over the edge of the couch.

"You’re going to have this suite to yourself the next few days."

"Thought so." Lance sat and faced Chris. "So when are you leaving?"

"I don’t know." Chris sifted through the pockets of his jacket still laying on the couch. "I need to make some calls. Are you sure it’s okay with you?"

"Chris, you are like my brother and I guess that I can consider Roni like a cousin. I would go home if I was you. Go home. I know that’s where you should and where you need to be."

"Thanks. Let me go make my arrangements and I’ll let you know when I’m leaving."

"Okay." Lance watched Chris walk to retrieve his cell phone. "Chris?"

"Yeah?" Chris turned as Lance stood and enveloped him in a hug.

"Tell Roni my prayers are with her. Okay?"

"Yeah. Let me get going while I can."

Lance nodded and Chris returned to his room to make his travel arrangements.

~~~~~~

Roni burried her face in the pillow under her head. She saw the sunlight but tried to block it out. Acknowledging the sun would mean she’d have to deal with the day and she didn’t want to. She wanted the nightmare to end. She pulled the comforter closer to her body before she remembered she had fallen asleep on the couch and now she was in a bed. She opened her eyes and turned to lay on her back. She looked beside her as a weight next to her moved and an arm moved to cross her stomach.

"Chris?" she whispered in surprise. She bit her lip when she rememberd he had to have come in late the night before. She picked up his hand on her stomach and started to slide from beneath his arm. She stood up and was about to place the arm on the bed but her hand was suddenly grasped by his. She looked up and saw a smile cross Chris’ face.

"Hey, Ron. Time to get up?"

"For me, yes, but not for you." She sat on the bed. "What time did you come in?"

"Oh," he looked at the clock, "about 3:30 this morning. I didn’t get to sleep ‘til after four though."

"Why?"

"Because," he sat and rubbed his face with his free hand, "I couldn’t sleep. I went to get a glass of water and I saw you on the couch. I just couldn’t let you sleep there, Ron."

"Chris, I was fine on the couch." She tried to get her hand back but he held on tight and slid behind her.

"Well, I wasn’t fine with you being there. I was going to bring you up here and go back down and sleep there myself but I guess that didn’t happen." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and laid his head on her shoulder. "Honestly, I don’t think I wanted to be alone, Ron. This has been a stressful week with Viv and your mom in the mix. I just needed someone there."

"Oh, Chris." Roni turned and hugged him back. "You know I’m here for whatever you need."

Chris pulled back. "Isn’t that my line? I’ve been telling you that your whole life."

"I know. Feels a little bit weird saying that to you but it’s true. Chris, I’m here for you. I may still be younger than you but I’m older than I was and I’m stronger than I was. I’m here for when you need support. Like now." Roni hugged him again and felt Chris sigh against her. "But don’t forget that I need you as much, if not more, than you need me."

"I can never forget that, Ron. I always want to be there when you need someone." He pulled back and placed a hand on either side of her face. "Roni, there’s nowhere I should be but right here in Clarion with you and my family. I know somewhere in the back of your mind you’re feeling bad about me coming home the same day I left. I’m just telling you don’t. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here where I’m needed. Got that?"

Roni nodded. Chris smiled and hugged her again. He kissed under her ear and went to kiss her cheek but with both of them moving he ended up giving her a soft peck on the lips. They both jumped back and stared at each other for a split second.

"Well," Chris slid back and stood on the other side of the bed, "I guess it’s time to get dressed and we’ll talk about what needs to be done today."

"I guess just going to the hospital is what I’m planning on doing."

"Okay." Chris nodded. "Do you have clothes here or do you have to go next door?"

"I have to go back home. Last night I was so tired and I just couldn’t go into that house. Not without mom there."

"All right. How about I get changed and either you wait for me or go home and change while I’m getting ready?"

"I’ll wait. I don’t think I can face that house alone."

"Okay. I’ll be right back, Ron." Chris kissed her forehead and left the room with a change of clothes.

Roni let herself fall on the bed. She closed her eyes and squeezed them shut at the image of her mother in a hospital bed. She was scared. Last night she was sitting in her room waiting for her mother to come out of the shower. Her mother has always been quick in the shower so when fifteen minutes had passed Roni decided to check on her mother. When Lydia hadn’t answered when Roni knocked Roni decided to enter the small bathroom. Roni sat on the toilet seat to talk to her mom. She still didn’t get an answer and she realized her mom was on the floor of the tub and her knees were bent. Roni pulled back the curtain and saw her mother laying unconscious, water still spraying from the showerhead.

"Ron?"

Roni jumped out of her memories when Chris called her name. She sat up and sighed. Chris frowned and sat next to her.

"You all right, Ron?"

Roni shook her head and let him pull her to him. She pressed her face against his chest and let the tears finally flow down her cheeks. Chris rubbed her back slowly.

"It’s okay, Ron. Well as much as it can be under the circumstances. Just let it out."

Roni nodded and sobbed into his shoulder. Chris bit his bottom lip. He hated seeing Roni in this much pain but there was nothing he could do about it. He could sing to his heart’s content and it still wouldn’t help a damn thing. He never felt more helpless in his life so he did what he knew to do. He let her cry without any interruptions. When Roni pulled back he helped wipe the tears from her face.

"Are you ready to go get ready to face the day?"

"Not exactly but I don’t have a choice."

"Let’s go."

Chris stood and held his hand out for her. Roni squeezed his hand and the two left Chris’ room.

~~~~~~

Chris placed his hand on the elevator door and let Roni exit before him. He took three big steps to catch up to her and linked his fingers with hers. They walked down the hall and stopped a few feet from a door. He looked at Roni as she took a few deep breaths. Chris pulled her into his arms.

"It’s okay, Ron." He placed a kiss in her hair. "I’m here. Your mom will recover and she’ll be home before you know it."

"I hope so but what if she doesn’t. What am I going to do then?"

"Don’t think like that. It’ll be okay. Are you ready to see your mom?"

Roni nodded. Chris wiped the few tears off her face and followed her into the small room. He nodded a hello to the woman in the first bed and walked around the curtain to where Lydia was.

"Hi, Chris. What are you doing here?"

Chris leaned in and kissed Lydia’s cheek. "I heard you weren’t doing so good so I came back to make sure you get better."

Lydia laughed. "You didn’t need to come but I’m glad you did."

"There’s nowhere else I would be." He felt a vibration at his hip. "I’ll be right back. My phone’s going off and it’s my mom."

"All right." Roni let go of his hand and sat next to her mother. "How are you feeling today?"

"Tired." Lydia reached and stroked Roni’s cheek. "You look like you haven’t slept."

Roni turned away. "I got some sleep last night."

"Don’t lie to your mother."

Roni sighed in defeat. "At first I was restless but for some reason after four I was out until about nine. Then Chris and I had breakfast and came over here."

"It’s great that Chris came back."

"Yeah, I guess. He should have stayed in New York and kept his plans with Lance."

"Roni," Lydia grabbed her daughter’s hand, "when a man has you as his first priority don’t question his motives when he gives something up to be by your side."

"But he should have at least spent the night in New York. As soon as he got there he turned right around to come back. He didn’t get in until almost four. He should have slept and then make his decision. Maybe then he would have had some sense to stay with Lance."

"Roni, he said there was nowhere else he would be and I believe that. Just enjoy his being here and let him be here without you being on his back about it. Okay?"

"But-"

"Roni, he’s here. Just let it be. I’m very glad he’s here for you. I love you, honey, and it makes me happy to know you have someone here for support."

"I love you too, mom." Roni looked at her mom and bit her lip.

~~~~~~

"Yeah, mom," Chris paced the hallway, "Lydia looks really tired." He looked in Lydia’s hospital room. "I don’t know what’s going to happen but I’m glad I came home. What do you have planned for today?"

"I don’t know," Beverly told her son. "I’ll probably be home mostly. Give me a call if anything happens."

"I will. I love you, mom."

"I love you too, Chris."

"I don’t know what- Hold on, Mom," Chris told his mother as he saw a doctor approach him. He lowered the phone. "Yes?"

"Sir, can you please not use your cell phone? The signal can interfere with the machines."

"Okay." Chris nodded and brought the phone to his mouth. "I have to go, mom. The phone signal might do something with the machines here. I’ll call you later."

"Okay, Chris. Love you."

"Me too." Chris hung up the phone and sighed. He was about to reenter the room when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see the same doctor next to him.

"Are you here with Lydia Da’ Cord and her daughter?"

"Yeah."

The doctor waved him to walk down the hall.

"Is there anything I can help you with, Doctor? I’m sure Roni could answer any questions better than I can."

"Well, I need to speak to someone about Ms. Da’ Cord’s condition."

"Let me get Roni." Chris turmed but the doctor stopped him.

"I’d rather talk to you," the man told him. "It’s not good."

"No, don’t tell me that." Chris ran a hand behind his neck. "What’s going to happen? Be straight with me here."

"I was planning on it. I’m sorry but her cancer is back and it spread."

Chris gulped. "To where?"

The doctor looked at the chart. "Her liver, kidneys and it’s spreading throughout her body. I’m sorry but there’s nothing we can do. There’s too much to treat."

"What are you telling me?"

"What I’m saying is that Lydia Da’ Cord is dying and there’s no cure. The cancer has overtaken her body."

"Oh god." Chris coverd his mouth with his hand and closed his eyes. He wiped his eyes. "How long does she have?"

"We don’t really know. It could be hours, could be days. I’m leaning to within 24 hours though. It’s spreading pretty quickly and soon her organs will start to shut down."

Chris sat. "Have you told Roni yet?"

"Ms. Da’ Cord’s daughter?"

"Yes, her daughter." Chris stared at the doctor. "She hasn’t told me anything so I’m guessing you haven’t."

"No, we haven’t. We wanted make sure of what we were seeing before delivering the news."

"Okay." Chris stood and shook the doctor’s hand. "Thank you for telling me."

"I’m sorry." The doctor placed a hand on Chris’ shoulder before walking away.

Chris stared down the hall to Lydia’s door before he neared it and stopped outside. He took a deep breath before entering. He heard the voices before he rounded the curtain and his heart broke. More tears sprang to his eyes as he heard the loving conversation between mother and daughter. He took another deep breath and walked up to the women.

"Hey, ladies." Chris was going to say more but his voice caught in his throat when both looked up at him. He closed his eyes and cracked his neck.

"Hey, Roni, it looks like Chris could use a drink. Since you know where the vending machine is why don’t you get him a drink."

"Yeah, I would like that." Chris reached into his pocket and pulled his wallet out. He handed Roni two singles. "Why don’t you get yourself a soda too."

"Okay." Roni grabbed the money and left the room.

"So," Chris sat in the seat Roni vacated, "what did you want to talk about?"

"Well, it looked like you needed a breather. Did you just talk to the doctor?"

"Yeah." Chris nodded. "Yeah, I did."

"How long do I have?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Chris, I’m not stupid. I know how I feel and I know that I’m dying. Please don’t baby me. How long do they predict?"

"It could be days," he said hopefully.

"But…"

Chris put his elbows on his knees and hung his head. "But they don’t think it will be that long. I’m so sorry, Lydia."

"That’s okay. It’s not your fault." She reached out and grabbed his hand. "I do have a favor to ask of you though."

"What?" Chris squeezed her hand.

"Don’t tell Roni the doctor’s predictions. I want her to have hope for as long as possible. I want my daughter to see me as a living being, not as someone dying. I want the rest of my time with her to be the best it can be. Can you do that?"

"Yeah. I’ll do my best."

"I also have one more request. I don’t think you’ll have a problem but I want to voice this."

"What?" Chris sat on the edge of the seat.

"I want you to take care of Roni. She’s all I’ve ever had and I need to know she’ll be all right. Chris, you are the person I trust the most with my daughter. I know you’ll do everything you can to make sure she’s okay. Just tell me you’ll always be there for her."

"Of course I will, Lydia. Roni is a part of my family. She’s like another sister to me. I take care of my family."

"Oh, Chris," she cradled his face in one of her hands, "you’ve been amazing. To your family and to mine. Roni’s been asking where that extra money comes from for her books and I know I just can’t tell her. I already hate that the money comes from you. I should be able to help my daughter pay for things for school."

"Lydia," he bit his bottom lip, "I offered to pay for her books. I know when you told me about her not having the money you weren’t asking for money. I know you wouldn’t do that. Lydia, you have always been like an aunt to me. I couldn’t let Roni’s schooling suffer. You are and have always been a part of my family. I take care of family. And now that I have money I can’t think of anything else I’d rather do than take care of my family."

"Chris, what did we ever do to deserve you?"

He placed his hand beneath hers on his cheek. "You were the best neighbor to my family, the best friend to my mother and you have the most amazing daughter. I promise I’ll always be there for Ron. When she gets married I’ll be there walking her down the aisle."

"Roni’s wedding." Lydia’s eyes teared. "I’m not going to be the mother of the bride."

"Oh, Lydia, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry."

"It’s okay. I’m going to cry at some time so why not now?" She sniffled. "Do you want to know something, Chris?"

"What?"

"I always wished you were closer to Roni in age. I would have loved for you to be my son-in-law. Although…despite the age difference I think I really wanted you and Roni to get married. I know no one will ever treat my daughter like you do. She loves you so much."

"And I love her, but married?" Chris sat back. He brought a hand to his face in surprise. "Me marry Roni? I’m sorry, Lydia, but I don’t think so."

"I know. It’s just a mother’s wish that her daughter marries the best man who will treat her right."

"And I’ll make sure that happens." Chris leaned forward and kissed Lydia’s forehead. He felt Roni’s presence behind him as he sat. "Whatcha get me?"

"Here." She handed him a can. "The machine on this floor was broken so I had to go downstairs. Chris, I hope you don’t mind but I had enough money for some chips." She looked around and began pulling another chair next to the bed.

Chris stood. "Take this chair, Ron. Let me get that."

"I can pull a chair, Chris."

"I know, but I’d think you’d want sit next to your mom." He ushered her to the chair he vacated. "I know how strong you are, Ron."

"As long as that’s clear."

He stuck his tongue out at her and the threesome laughed.

~~~~~~

"Chris?"

Chris shifted as he heard his name called and a hand push his shoulder.

"Chris?"

"What?’ he asked as he slit open his eyes. He sat up and wiped his eyes to see his mother better.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Oh," he looked at his watch, "at about six."

"Well, it’s almost nine so it’s been three hours. Do you want me to get you something?"

"I can’t believe it’s that late."

"Yeah. When I hadn’t heard from you in a few hours I decided to come check on things." Beverly walked behind her son and looked at Roni. "What do you two want? She needs food too."

"I know." Chris stood and stretched. "How about just some burgers and fries? No pickles on Roni’s."

"Okay. Do you want to come with me?"

Chris shook his head and sat back down.

"Didn’t think so. I’ll be back soon." Beverly kissed her son’s cheek.

After his mom left Chris turned and looked at Roni for a few minutes. He pushed a strand of hair off her face. He didn’t know what he would do if he were in her position. He couldn’t even think about his mom being this sick or his mom dying. He had kept Lydia’s promise and hadn’t told Roni the truth. The previous night the doctor told her it was the cancer but not the severity of the bout. He had sat with the two all day. He grabbed one of Roni’s hands and one of Lydia’s and bent his head to pray.

"Chris?"

He looked up when Lydia’s raspy voice called him.

"Chris, can you wake Roni for me?"

He nodded and squeezed Roni’s hand he was holding. With his other hand he reached over and pushed her shoulder. "Roni, wake up."

"Huh?" She shook her head to wake up. "What’s going on?"

"Roni," her mother said, "we need to talk."

"Should I leave?" Chris asked.

Lydia shook her head. "We need you here, Chris. I need you here for Roni and she needs you here for her too."

"Mom, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?"