She sat in the seat across from him. "Tell me I didn’t say all that out loud. Please."

"Sorry, Ron, but you went on and on about you and," he paused, "Joey."

"Oh god." Her head hit the table. "Joey’s going to kill me."

"Why is he going to do that?" Chris sat back in his seat.

"Because we promised never to tell anyone, especially you. We were afraid you’d kill him if you found out." She turned her head and peered through her hair. "*N SYNC is staying a quintet isn’t it? It’s not going to become a quartet?"

Chris sat silently for a minute before pushing his chair back and standing up. "No, I’m not going to harm Joey, but I really don’t want to talk about this. Fair?"

Roni nodded and raised her eyes to his. They seemed so dark as if there were so many emotions trying to come through none were succeeding. She stood and went back to the sink. No more words were spoken as she continued washing the dishes.

Chris watched her a few moments. He bit his lip, not knowing if he should say something. Nothing came to his mind so he turned and folded the couch. He secured the cushions and flipped on the television as he sat. He sat there a good half hour flipping the channels before he turned it off. He stared at the blank screen. Finally, he made himself stand up and walk to the kitchen. He saw Roni scrubbing the counter. He walked behind her.

"I think the counter’s clean, Ron. You’re pressing so hard it’s like you’re sanding it."

Roni jumped in surprise at the voice in her ear. She threw the sponge in the sink and turned around, face inches from his. She watched his eyes roam her face before he took a step back. She sighed in relief and closed her eyes for a moment. "What do you want, Chris?"

"To talk to you. I hate this." He sighed and leaned against the counter next to her. "I really don’t want to know but my mind won’t let it be. I’m trying to figure out when it could have first happened."

"What? When Joey and I ha-"

"Yes," Chris cut her off, not wanting to hear the words, "when that happened. I know all about the summer between high school and college."

Roni gasped. "You do?"

Chris laughed mechanically. "Come on, Ron, do you think you two were that discrete? But I must admit I never thought you two went that far."

"Why didn’t you say something? We’ve been so worried about what you’d think," she told him tersely.

"I knew you were hiding it from me and I didn’t see the harm in you two having a little fun. I knew that was all it was and I figured if you were going to do it with someone, let it be one of my best friends. I knew Joey wouldn’t hurt you. That’s why I let it go on."

"I still can’t believe you knew, Chris." She rubbed her forehead. "I can’t believe you lied to me."

"Lied to you?" He grabbed her arm. "I wasn’t the one sneaking around, Ron. You were." Their hard eyes locked and Chris dropped her arm. He sighed. "Listen to us, Ron. We sound like a couple arguing over an infidelity."

"I know." She looked away from him.

"Let’s get past the fact that I knew about that summer. For the last half hour it’s been bugging me to know when the first time was." He sighed and looked across the kitchen, staring at the microwave. "In my mind it has to be that summer. When else could you and Joey have done it before? Unless it was when you met in Orlando."

Roni whipped her head up. "Chris, how old was I? You know both of us better than that. Both Joey and I."

"I know I do." He still avoided her gaze. "I really don’t believe it was then. Back then I might have questioned Joey but I know him too well now to think he’d ever do such a thing."

"That’s good." She pushed away from the counter. "Why are we even talking about this? When I lost my virginity is my business."

"Because I have to know. I thought your first time was with Jamie. Not that I really thought about it, but that’s what I thought. When he came over those times I was there he spoke like you two had been in bed together."

"We had," Roni mumbled.

"What was that, Ron?"

"I said that we had. I slept with my high school boyfriend. Is that all right?" she snapped at him.

Chris winced at her tone. "Is it all right? I don’t know. I don’t like the images in my head when it comes to you and some guy in bed."

"Then why are we talking about this?"

"I don’t know." He ran his hands through his hair. "I really don’t know. It just doesn’t make sense. You slept with Jamie in high school yet Joey was your first. And I know that didn’t happen in Orlando. So when did it?"

Roni sighed. "Europe."

"What?"

"It happened in Europe. Remember that night everyone got stuck somewhere else but Joey and I?"

Chris’ eyes widened and he nodded.

"Well, it happened then. That whole first week we had near-kisses all the time. Hell, sometimes we did kiss. We didn’t want to."

"What? Sleep together?"

"That too." She sighed and stood next to him again. "We didn’t want to kiss. We knew we didn’t like each other like that but we were drawn together. That night we decided to just let ourselves kiss and one thing led to another."

"And you had sex in his bed." He looked way but turned back as she shook her head. "What?"

"We had sex in your bed." She bit her lip, waiting for his reaction.

"What?!? You did it in my bed." He paused, thinking. "Is that why he was in my bed that next morning instead of you?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"But why?"

"Damn, you want to know everything, Chris." She took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "After we were done it was late and I was so tired. He helped me to his bed and he went back because your sheets needed to be washed." She looked at him for a response. "Chris, they had blood on them. Think. It was my first time."

Chris dropped his head. "I really didn’t need to know all this."

"Then why did you ask? Why did you push to be told something you don’t want to know?"

"Hell, I don’t know. I went out there to watch TV and it consumed my mind. I just needed to know when. Europe, huh? You were underage and that could be legally considered rape."

"Chris, I really can’t believe you. First you demand me to tell you when my first time was and now you’re accusing Joey of rape? I need to get out of here before you press charges or something for what happened over five years ago."

Roni turned and began walking away from the counter but Chris reached out and pulled her to him. She resisted but he held her tightly and kissed her forehead.

"I am so sorry, Ron. I don’t know what came over me. I know Joey wouldn’t rape you." He moved his arms around her waist. "Honestly I think I’m more relieved that it was Joey. At least you can say your first is someone you’ll always care about. Jamie was a jerk and Joey is…" he trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say.

"He’s one of our best friends."

"Exactly. Okay, enough of this subject."

"You satisfied with my answers?"

"Yup."

"Good now it’s my turn. Tell me about your first time."

Chris’ eyes widened in shock. "What? Why?"

"Turn about is fair play."

"Don’t you have some studying to do?"

Roni groaned and placed her head on his chest. "You don’t play fair."

"How about this?" He lifted her chin. "Why don’t you start studying and I’ll start making some cookies." He smiled as her eyes brightened. "Then you’ll take a study break and we’ll watch the tape the guys made for you and then you’ll study some more and then I’ll tell you about my first time."

"I might be too tired by then."

"Hopefully."

"You’re not getting away without telling me, Chris. Just know that." She poked her finger in his chest for good measure and walked out of the kitchen. "I’m expecting to smell the wonderful smell of cookies soon."

"Yes, ma’am." Chris smiled and began pulling out ingredients.

~~~~~~

"In the midnight hour, she cry more, more, more." Chris slid the cookie sheet in the sink and danced to the living room. "With a rebel yell, she cry more, more more." He stood over Roni. "More, more, more, more, more."

"She cries for more. I get it, Chris." Roni lifted his chin from her shoulder and pushed him away. "Enough Billy Idol, okay? I need to study."

Chris sat beside the young woman. "Ron, you've been studying for the past two hours. You need a break."

"What I need is a good grade on this exam. If I don't then it's good-bye graduation."

"You'll do fine." He pulled her to him for a hug.

"That's easy for you to say," she mumbled.

"Okay. Enough bad mood. The guys made you a graduation tape and you're going to watch it. Now," he told her as she flipped the page.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her to the couch. After pushing her onto the cushions he dug in his bag for the video. Chris pulled it out and smiled. The smile dimmed as he looked at the television.

"Where's the VCR?"

"Bedroom," Roni sighed. "This is mom's old one. My TV is in my room with the VCR."

"Then let's go."

Chris walked swiftly to the bedroom. Roni sighed again before following him. She sat on the bed and leaned against the wall. She watched as Chris turned on the television and VCR and pushed the tape into the smaller machine. Chris crawled next to her and placed an arm around her shoulders. Roni sighed and let herself be pulled against him. She curled her legs and focused on the screen, which had Lance's face filling it.

"Hey, Roni, sorry we couldn't be there, but some people have to practice for the tour. Some fans think we can do it all without Chris. Don't tell him I told you...but we can. We just haven't told him he's out of the group yet."

"What?!?"

Roni laughed as Chris fumed and Lance smiled innocently from the screen.

"Okay. Oh, by the way, hi Chris. Now, onto why this tape was made. Chris was the only group member who could make it up there. Not like we all didn't want to, but Chris is the only one who had this date marked on his calendar for months. I think he was even counting the days. I swear it was like he was the one graduating or something."

"Lance!" a voice came from the background.

"Sorry, Jace. Anyway. I just wanted to congradulate you on your gradiation."

"And it proves she's edumicated." The camera swung to the person holding it. Roni smiled as Steve Fatone appeared. "I wasn't supposed to say anything. These punks," as he spoke he panned on Justin, Joey, Lance and JC, "wanted me to tape their message but didn't want me to be on the video. Guess I showed them." He smiled widely.

"Steve."

The camera was swung as someone hit Steve's arm and Roni laughed as Steve called his brother names with a few choice words mixed in. The screen was soon filled with Joey's evil grin.

"That'll show him not to listen to us." He wiggled his eyebrows, making Roni laugh again. "So, Ron, college is finally done. Guess now it’s time to come down to Orlando and marry me and have my babies.”

Roni raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “What about Lily?”

”Oh wait,” he slapped the side of his head, “Lily. Sorry, Roni. You snooze you lose.”

”That’s okay, Joe.”

”Come closer.” Joey motioned with a finger for the camera to come closer. When the camera was moved he continued in a whisper, “Steve knows about this already but I want to keep it from the knuckleheads in the background here.” He thrust his thumb behind him. “I’m trusting you and Chris with this, because there is no doubt in my mind Chris is sitting next to you, Ron. One thing I don’t know is if Chris has invited you down here yet.”

Roni paused the video and looked up at Chris. “No, he hasn’t.”

”I swear that was coming up.” He shifted and grabbed her hands. “You are invited to Orlando for as long as you want to come down. Yes, we have a tour and you’re invited on that too.”

”Chris, I have to find a job. I have no money.”

”There’s always something you can do on the tour.” He shrugged.

”As tempting as that is, Chris, I need to find a job on my own. It seems like anything that I’ve done since you’ve joined *N SYNC has been because of you. All the summer jobs and money I’ve either earned or has paid for my schooling has been from you. I need to do something on my own.”

”Roni-“

She lifted a hand and placed it over his mouth. Roni moved her hand quickly because it felt like she received a shock from the contact. She stared at her hand before moving to his mouth. She quickly moved her gaze to her lap when she realized she was staring at his lips.

”Ron?” Chris ran a hand down the side of her face. He shifted closer to her. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head away from his touch. “I’ll be okay. I-I need to go back to studying.” She quickly stood and made her way to the door.

”Wait.”

She sighed before turning. “What?”

”No need to get snippy.”

”Chris.”

He sighed. “It just sounded like Joey was going to ask you something and I figured we might want to see what it is before we stop the tape for now. The guys told me this is cut into segments so you can watch it when you need study breaks.”

Roni shook her head and sat on the end of the bed. “How did you end up with such great friends?”

”I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Lucky I guess. Shall I unpause it?”

She nodded.

”If he hasn’t you’re coming back from him inviting you, and if he has you’d better not say no. At least come down for a week or something. Back to my point. When you come down here I need to go shopping for something very important for Lily and I want a woman’s opinion. This is one of the most important decisions I’ll ever have to make. Please say you’ll come down and help me.”

Chris numbly repaused the video. “Was he…?”

”I..I don’t know. He might have been. Has Joey said anything about wanting to get married?”

”I don’t think so, but you know how private Joey can be. No matter how outgoing he is, he’s one of the most private people I know.”

”I know.”

”Of course you do.”

Roni flinched at the hardness in Chris’ voice. “I need to get back to studying.”

Chris watched her walk away and silently cursed to himself. He slid off the bed and walked quickly to her. He grabbed her arm and swung her into his arms. He held her close and kissed her temple. “I’m sorry, Ron. I have no idea where that came from.”

Roni pulled away from him. She left the room and sat at the table. She blindly searched for her pen. She felt Chris’ eyes on her but didn’t look up. They’d hugged millions of times before but for some reason she felt uncomfortable in his embrace. What confused her even more was the fact that no matter how weird it felt, she wanted to bury herself in his warmth. She felt him stand behind her and she flinched as he reached in front of her and picked up the lost pen. She took the object from his hands and began working on the study sheet in front of her.

”Ron?” Chris knelt beside Roni. “Roni?” Pause. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Roni shook her head, eyes trained on the paper in front of her.

”Well,” he looked around the apartment, “just let me know. I’m going to watch a movie in the bedroom.”

Roni nodded. She waited until her bedroom door closed until the let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. She stared at the door, wondering why she had ignored him. He was Chris. He was her “brother.” He was the one steady thing in her life. So why did she want to run as far away from him as she could?

~~~~~~

”Chris,” Roni said between her laughter, “I’m supposed to be studying here.”

”I know. I’m trying to help, but you insist on laughing at my questions.”

Roni shook her head and rolled her eyes. She had felt bad for pushing him away earlier so she asked him to quiz her to help her study. Amazingly she had finished the study sheet, but the quiet had allowed her brain to drift and it took her twice as long as it should have. After watching more of the tape Justin, Lance, Joey and JC had sent he came out to help her prepare for her test the next day.

”I’m only laughing because you’re messing up the facts. How can I answer a question when the question itself is invalid?”

”You need to be prepared for whatever they throw at you, Veronica.”

Roni raised an eyebrow at his serious tone. When Chris finally looked at her he cracked up laughing. Roni shook her head in amusement and pushed her book away from her. She laid her head on the table and sighed. Chris ruffled her hair.

”Had enough?”

She nodded.

”Good. You know this stuff backwards and forward. You’ll do fine.”

”You think?” She turned her head to the side and looked at him.

”Ron, I know. If you want you can wake me in the morning and we’ll go over it more before your final.”

”Chris,” she sat up, “I don’t want to wake you up. You get woken up enough most other days of the year. Sleep in.”

”Roni, I don’t mind.” He really didn’t. One thing he didn’t mention was that he knew he’d be awake anyway. It had always been like that, especially if he had fallen asleep next to her. He’d wake when she would. He guessed it was the movement of the bed.

”You sure? I know I want to study tomorrow morning and it would help if I had someone keeping me awake.”

”It’s no problem.” He stood. “You want to watch a movie?”

She yawned. “Sure. I’m getting tired but I know I can’t fall asleep right away.”

Chris eyed the clock. “It’s ten o’clock, young lady. Too early for you to be turning in.”

”Hey, my brain’s been on overload all day. I need to stop studying before it explodes.”

”We don’t want that. Messy. So what movie do you want to watch?”

Roni shrugged as she followed him into her room. “I don’t care.” She dug through her drawers. She grabbed some clothes to sleep in and walked out the door. “I’m going to get changed. Pick whatever.”

”Pick whatever?” Chris mumbled to himself as he routed through the videos. “Let’s see. I think we need a comedy.”

He set the video to be ready to play and went into the bathroom when Roni finished. When he was finished he found Roni under her covers, sitting against the head of the bed. He grabbed the remote from the dresser and slid next to her. He pressed play and put the remote on the bedside table.

Roni cocked an eyebrow. “Muppets from Space?”

”She’s a brick house,” Chris sang.

Roni laughed. “You want to know what I just thought of?”

”What?”

”This old video clip I saw on the ‘net once of Justin singing that line.”

Chris laughed. “I think I’ve seen that one. Lord knows there are so many old clips hanging around there.”

Roni nodded before both turned their attention to the movie. They laughed and joked throughout the movie and about halfway through Roni rested her head on his shoulder and Chris kissed the crown of her head. After dancing along with the final song Roni stretched her arms and yawned. Chris smiled before yawning.

”Ready for bed?”

”Yeah.” Roni shifted to lie on the bed. “Thanks, Chris, I needed the laugh.”

”Anytime.” He used the remote to turn the television and VCR off. “Do you want me to sing to you again?”

”If you wouldn’t mind. I can’t believe almost 23 years later and you’re still singing me to sleep. Don’t you ever tire of it?”

”Nope.” He laid next to her. “You’re the only female I know I can lay next to and not have to worry about being jumped, Molly, Katie, Emily and Taylor excluded of course. Well, they might jump me to beat me up.”

”Chris.” She shook her head in amusement and turned away from him. She sighed as she felt him shift next to her. “Thank you for everything, Chris. I don’t know how I could have survived everything if you weren’t in my life.”

”I couldn’t have been anywhere else, Ron.” He paused. “You know you’re like Gonzo.”

”How? I’m not blue nor am I an alien. Or Is that a crak about my nose?”

”I'd never do that. Well, what I meant was he, like you, doesn’t have his biological family around but is very loved by the people who surround him. They are his family.”

”Aww, Chris, thank you. I knew I smelled a rat.”

”Huh?”

”Well, if I’m Gonzo then you must be Rizzo, Gonzo’s best friend.”

Chris kissed her shoulder. “I think that was the best compliment I ever got. Aside from the guys you are one of my best friends too.” He laid on his back. “So if we’re Gonzo and Rizzo, who are the other guys.”

”Hmm. How about Beaker and Bunson for Joey and Lance. Can’t you just see Lance explaining all this scientific mumbo jumbo and Joey throwing his arms around and beeping instead of talking?”

Chris laughed. “Oh my god. Yes I can. How about Pepe for JC? Pepe’s a little show off like JC is.”

”That could work. Or Kermit. Now how about Justin.”

Roni turned her head to face Chris and they both smiled.

”Miss Piggy.”

Chris shook his head and smiled. “Justin really could act like that with all the attention of the group going to him, but his head hasn’t gotten that big. I’m proud of him.”

”Me too.” Roni yawned. “Okay, we can discuss this again tomorrow. Right now I need sleep so I can wake up and study tomorrow.”

”I know. Now turn around and I’ll sing to you.”

”If I haven’t already said it. Thanks for everything.”

”It’s been my pleasure. Good night and I love you.”

”Love you too.”

Chris smiled. “This is the song that never ends…”

~~~~~~

Roni rechecked the answers on her exam and sighed in frustration. One of the answers still looked wrong, but she had been working on it for 20 minutes and was getting frustrated. She decided to finish the question the way she started to before standing and making her way to the professor’s desk. As she placed the packet of papers on the desk the professor handed her a card and smiled at her. Roni smiled back and left the room. Once outside she leaned against the wall and opened the envelope. She smiled at the picture of a baby on the cover and opened the card.

Congratulations senior on a job well done. Have a nice graduation and it was a pleasure having you in my class.

Roni smiled at the irony of the note. This was the one class she was worried about. Her test scores weren’t the best and she was always coming in late. Oh well. She shrugged and walked by the figure sitting on the nearby bench.

”Hey, Ron.”

She jumped at the voice and quickly turned. “Hi, Tim.”

Tim stood and made his way to Roni. He saw her back away a few steps and stopped. “I just wanted to apologize for yesterday morning. I was out of line.”

”Yes you were. Why did you treat me like that?” She shifted her bag.

”I was jealous.”

”Of what? Chris?”

Tim nodded.

”Tim.” She lifted his chin with a finger. “There’s no reason to be jealous of Chris. He’s like the older brother I never had. Yes, he’s important to me, but you were my boyfriend.”

”Were?”

Roni pulled her hand back and sighed. “I don’t know what we are at this second. After yesterday I never expected to see you.”

”To be honest I didn’t know if I wanted to see you again but then last night happened.”

”What happened last night?”

”I went to bed and you weren’t by my side. That just didn’t feel right.”

The look on his face broke Roni’s heart, but she wasn’t ready to completely give in. “Listen, I have to think about this. You really threw me for a loop yesterday morning.”

”I know.” He sighed. “Is there any way we can talk about this over lunch or something?”

”I don’t know. I just finished my really big exam and I know Chris wants to know how I did. Tomorrow I’m spending all day in the library and Wednesday I have my last final.”

”So you’re going to be really busy these next few days? And then you graduate.”

”Yeah, I’ll be busy. It’s all going so fast. In five days I’ll be walking to get my diploma.”

Tim checked his watch. “Listen. I have to go. I’ll talk to you later?”

”Sure. Whatever. Later.”