JC looked out the restaurant window. He needed to get out of here before he couldn’t take it any more. He doesn’t know why he even tries dating any more. Even the girls his friends deemed ”perfect” for him were far from it. This time it was Chris’ turn to set him up. Before that it was Justin, then Joey and then Lance. He would bet anything Justin would try again when it gets back to the rest of the group how this date had worked out. Or hadn’t worked out to be more precise. This girl had the same flaw a lot of the others did. She claimed to want him for him.

Yes, that’s all he’s ever said he wanted, but there was going overboard and most of these girls were trying to be what he wanted. He hated when they called him Josh when he had introduced himself, or had been introduced, as JC. He wants to be in charge of when people call him by his full first name. A few girls had actually refused to call him JC. They said they wanted Josh, not JC. That’s all fine and dandy if they had been dating for a while or if these women actually knew him. These women would say that right up front. What balls these girls had.

JC had to laugh. These girls said all they cared about was Josh. Simple Josh. Plain ol’ Josh. Just Josh. Well he wasn’t just Josh. He was Joshua Scott Chasez and he had no idea who he was but he was anything but simple, plain ol’ or just. He had no idea how these women could know him when he didn’t quite know himself. They didn’t know him. They just claimed to. How could they be interested in the “real” him when he was just finding it out himself? Do they actually think reading everything that’s out there about him and listening to the songs that he wrote constitutes for them actually knowing him?

He would love for a woman to say she actually knew nothing about him. She may have heard this and that but actually didn’t know anything about him. She may know something about JC but nothing about Josh. He didn’t let Josh out to just anyone. They had to work for it. He’d been hurt too many times. There was so much more to him. He had to refrain from rolling his eyes when women quoted word from word from an interview or from what he knew someone had told her about him. Just like the woman sitting in front of him right now. All of a sudden she was using Chris’ phrasings and words when she hadn’t talked like that before.

He picked up his coffee, mentally calculating the cost of the unsuccessful dinner. He hoped she didn’t try to get another date. That sometimes happened. Why get another date? Don’t want to admit you failed with a “pop star?” He always wondered if any of the women he was unfortunate to date ever looked down on him because of his specific profession. If they did then there was another reason for them not to go out again. If she couldn’t look past what they thought he did they’d never get to what he really did and what he really wanted to accomplish. There was so much more to him than they knew, than he knew.

They say you learn something new everyday and, when you’re lucky, you even learn about yourself. JC was finding out more about himself. Just as soon as he thought he had learned everything about himself, he proved himself wrong. If he was going to find a woman to last more than a date or a week or two she’d have to be able to put up with him and all the changes that went with him.

He’s not perfect. Nor does he think he is. He knows he’s not. He accepted that a long time ago. Sometimes he has to remember that he isn’t perfect. He isn’t just the singer who sings lead behind Justin Timberlake. He’s not just the pretty voice and face. Why did they think he had a pretty face? He didn’t see it. He was all right he guessed. They always say you’re your own worst critic.

Okay. It was time to end this date. He couldn’t take it any more. He had to go home and immerse himself in something that would make his mind turn to mush. He couldn’t think right now. He didn’t want to. He quickly paid the check and politely, but sternly, said his farewell. As predicted she tried to extend their date, but he declined. He looked at his watch. He wondered how long after he got home he’d hear from Chris.