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Ah...Jokes...the heart of the morale office. Here is a list of jokes you can laugh at - but don't laugh too hard. You may just fall over and die.

          KDOG's Dishes Joke
               Click for Joke
          KDOG's Insults
               Click for Joke
          KDOG's Austin Powers Pickup Lines
               Click for Joke
          Ekim's T/I vs. Shuttle Joke
               Click for Joke
          Ekim's Pilot vs. Trooper Joke
               Click for Joke

          KDOG's Dishes Joke

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but its missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word," She tells him," Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend throws her on the table and drills her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her mom throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY. I'LL DO THE F-ING DISHES!!"

          KDOG's Insults

PERSON#1: I had a wet dream about you last night!
PERSON#2: WHAT?
PERSON#1: Yeah, you got hit by a tractor-trailer and I pissed myself laughing!
---------
You haven't been with a woman for so long, the last time you felt a breast it came out of a KFC bucket.
---------
Your mama's so hairy that you almost died of rug burn at birth.
---------
Your mama's so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone.
---------
Your mama's so ugly she walked into a haunted house and came out with an application.
---------
Your mama's so ugly when she walks by a toilet it flushes itself.
---------
Your mama's so ugly when she goes camping the bears light a fire to keep HER away.
---------
Your mama's so ugly when she goes Halloween shopping people try to buy her.
---------
Your mama's so stupid she thought that masturbation was a karate teacher
---------
Your mama's so poor she lives in a two story Frito bag.
---------
Your mama's so poor your family car is your brother's bike.
---------
Your mama's so poor you use a ice cube for the A/C in your house.
---------
Your mama's so poor when I walked in your front door and I went to the back yard.
---------
Your mama's so stupid she got fired from a blow job
---------
Your momma is so fat, She was walking down the road and when I seen her the only thing I could say was, "Look, its King Kong with tits!"
---------
You have sex with cows because your mama doesn't give you enough
---------
Your mama is so disorganized, she had to have a doctor make her a skin pocket so she wouldnt loose her nipples if she ever froze them off in one of her drunken-shirtless-rampages
---------
One day, Jack was playing basketball in the living room. He accidentally threw the ball at the TV and smashed it apart. His mother came into the room and said, "You son of a bitch."
---------
Q: Have you ever watched Small Soldiers?
A: No.
Reply: Look in your pants.
---------
What are you laughing at?
The joke is between your legs!
---------
Why does Obi cook with his pants down? To keep the flies away from the food
---------
State Jokes:

ALABAMA - Literacy ain't everything
ARKANSAS - At least were not Oklahoma
CALIFORNIA - Se habla ingles
FLORIDA - The gunshine state
KANSAS - Don't blame us, we voted for Dole
KENTUCKY - Tobacco is a vegitable
MAINE - For sale
TENNESSEE - The educashun state
WYOMING - Flat is where its at

          KDOG's Austin Powers Pickup Lines
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)....Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
3. Nice legs...what time do they open?
4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
10. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
11. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
12. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
13. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
14. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
15. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
20. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
21. F@#$ me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?
22. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
23. My name is Austin ... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
24. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
25. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
26. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
27. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
28. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
29. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
30. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
31. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?
32. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
33. Do you sleep on your stomach? no..........? Can I?
34. Do you wash your pants in Windex so I can see myself in them.
35. I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
          Ekim's T/I vs. Shuttle Joke

A TIE Interceptor and his wingman are escorting a Lambda class shuttle into Averam, a three hour run into the planet. The whole time during the run the T/I pilot keeps calling the shuttle pilot a trash hauler, as the TC looks down on them nobody's.

So the T/I leader is saying over the radio, "Look at this i can fly 150% faster than you, I am more maneuverable, and i can take out anything thrown at me just watch this." he runs out ahead of his wing and the shuttle does a few loops some tight turns and joins back up in formation. He comes back on the radio and says, "hey trash hauler, did you see that? look what this thing can do compare to your garbage truck!" he laughs and goes on.

The shuttle pilot thinks he's just as good as any fighter jock and decides to show it so he says, "hey Jock head watch this." he turns off the radio.

*an hour later* "So did you see THAT?!"

The T/I pilot is confused and asks what did he see. The Shuttle pilot says, "Hah, i just got up, got a cup of coffee, got some grub, took a piss in the john, and took a nap for half an our, I'd like to see you do that"

          Ekim's Pilot vs. Trooper Joke

So a TC pilot boards a shuttle transport ferrying passengers to Aurora, when the droid bot shows him to his seat he sighs, he has to sit next to a naval trooper.

So he takes his seat, the naval trooper takes off his boots as he's been marching all day and wants to relax. Halfway through the journey the trooper gets up and he tells the pilot he has to relieve himself and asks the pilot if he wants a grog, the pilot is surprised at the offer as most pilots and troopers do not get along but accepts.

When the trooper leaves the pilot mumbles "stupid jar head" and spits in the troopers boot. When the trooper comes back he hands the pilot his grog, he says "here's your grog vac-head" and they drink. The pilot asks if he found the head and the trooper says yes.

An hour later the trooper asks the pilot is he wants another as he again must relieve himself, the pilot accepts and when the trooper is gone he spits in his other boot. When the trooper comes back he gives the pilot his grog and they toast to the empire. The pilot thinks it tastes a bit funny, but remembers so did the first and wonders if it is the cheaper brand favored by the troopers.

About an hour before docking the pilot gets up and asks the droid where the head is, The droid replies that on the short hops the head is off limits, the pilot returns to his seat puzzled.

When the shuttle docks on planet, the trooper puts his foot into his boots and notices his wet foot and sighs, saying "how long is this service tradition of spitting in boots and pissing in grog gonna last?"

Based on an established US Army-Navy joke.

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>> news >> staff >> competitions >> graphics >> jokes >> links >> credits	Ah...Jokes...the heart of the morale office. Here is a list of jokes you can laugh at - but don't laugh too hard. You may just fall over and die. KDOG's Dishes Joke Click for Joke KDOG's Insults Click for Joke KDOG's Austin Powers Pickup Lines Click for Joke Ekim's T/I vs. Shuttle Joke Click for Joke Ekim's Pilot vs. Trooper Joke Click for Joke KDOG's Dishes Joke Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but its missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word," She tells him," Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend throws her on the table and drills her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY. I'LL DO THE F-ING DISHES!!" KDOG's Insults PERSON#1: I had a wet dream about you last night! PERSON#2: WHAT? PERSON#1: Yeah, you got hit by a tractor-trailer and I pissed myself laughing! --------- You haven't been with a woman for so long, the last time you felt a breast it came out of a KFC bucket. --------- Your mama's so hairy that you almost died of rug burn at birth. --------- Your mama's so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone. --------- Your mama's so ugly she walked into a haunted house and came out with an application. --------- Your mama's so ugly when she walks by a toilet it flushes itself. --------- Your mama's so ugly when she goes camping the bears light a fire to keep HER away. --------- Your mama's so ugly when she goes Halloween shopping people try to buy her. --------- Your mama's so stupid she thought that masturbation was a karate teacher --------- Your mama's so poor she lives in a two story Frito bag. --------- Your mama's so poor your family car is your brother's bike. --------- Your mama's so poor you use a ice cube for the A/C in your house. --------- Your mama's so poor when I walked in your front door and I went to the back yard. --------- Your mama's so stupid she got fired from a blow job --------- Your momma is so fat, She was walking down the road and when I seen her the only thing I could say was, "Look, its King Kong with tits!" --------- You have sex with cows because your mama doesn't give you enough --------- Your mama is so disorganized, she had to have a doctor make her a skin pocket so she wouldnt loose her nipples if she ever froze them off in one of her drunken-shirtless-rampages --------- One day, Jack was playing basketball in the living room. He accidentally threw the ball at the TV and smashed it apart. His mother came into the room and said, "You son of a bitch." --------- Q: Have you ever watched Small Soldiers? A: No. Reply: Look in your pants. --------- What are you laughing at? The joke is between your legs! --------- Why does Obi cook with his pants down? To keep the flies away from the food --------- State Jokes: ALABAMA - Literacy ain't everything ARKANSAS - At least were not Oklahoma CALIFORNIA - Se habla ingles FLORIDA - The gunshine state KANSAS - Don't blame us, we voted for Dole KENTUCKY - Tobacco is a vegitable MAINE - For sale TENNESSEE - The educashun state WYOMING - Flat is where its at KDOG's Austin Powers Pickup Lines 1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long. 2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)....Let's get you out of these wet clothes. 3. Nice legs...what time do they open? 4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. 5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more? 6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? 7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one? 9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight. 10. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me. 11. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter. 12. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag. 13. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked. 14. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven? 15. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. 16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy. 17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue. 18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. 19. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me. 20. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions? 21. F@#$ me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom? 22. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor. 23. My name is Austin ... remember that, you'll be screaming it later. 24. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? 25. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me. 26. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute. 27. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. 28. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to. 29. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking? 30. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public. 31. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza? 32. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me. 33. Do you sleep on your stomach? no..........? Can I? 34. Do you wash your pants in Windex so I can see myself in them. 35. I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room. Ekim's T/I vs. Shuttle Joke A TIE Interceptor and his wingman are escorting a Lambda class shuttle into Averam, a three hour run into the planet. The whole time during the run the T/I pilot keeps calling the shuttle pilot a trash hauler, as the TC looks down on them nobody's. So the T/I leader is saying over the radio, "Look at this i can fly 150% faster than you, I am more maneuverable, and i can take out anything thrown at me just watch this." he runs out ahead of his wing and the shuttle does a few loops some tight turns and joins back up in formation. He comes back on the radio and says, "hey trash hauler, did you see that? look what this thing can do compare to your garbage truck!" he laughs and goes on. The shuttle pilot thinks he's just as good as any fighter jock and decides to show it so he says, "hey Jock head watch this." he turns off the radio. an hour later "So did you see THAT?!" The T/I pilot is confused and asks what did he see. The Shuttle pilot says, "Hah, i just got up, got a cup of coffee, got some grub, took a piss in the john, and took a nap for half an our, I'd like to see you do that" Ekim's Pilot vs. Trooper Joke So a TC pilot boards a shuttle transport ferrying passengers to Aurora, when the droid bot shows him to his seat he sighs, he has to sit next to a naval trooper. So he takes his seat, the naval trooper takes off his boots as he's been marching all day and wants to relax. Halfway through the journey the trooper gets up and he tells the pilot he has to relieve himself and asks the pilot if he wants a grog, the pilot is surprised at the offer as most pilots and troopers do not get along but accepts. When the trooper leaves the pilot mumbles "stupid jar head" and spits in the troopers boot. When the trooper comes back he hands the pilot his grog, he says "here's your grog vac-head" and they drink. The pilot asks if he found the head and the trooper says yes. An hour later the trooper asks the pilot is he wants another as he again must relieve himself, the pilot accepts and when the trooper is gone he spits in his other boot. When the trooper comes back he gives the pilot his grog and they toast to the empire. The pilot thinks it tastes a bit funny, but remembers so did the first and wonders if it is the cheaper brand favored by the troopers. About an hour before docking the pilot gets up and asks the droid where the head is, The droid replies that on the short hops the head is off limits, the pilot returns to his seat puzzled. When the shuttle docks on planet, the trooper puts his foot into his boots and notices his wet foot and sighs, saying "how long is this service tradition of spitting in boots and pissing in grog gonna last?" Based on an established US Army-Navy joke.
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