2 Short Jokes

"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" the suspicious wife sneered. "No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."

"My poor man",said the kind old lady to the pan handler, "it must be dreadful to be lame. But think how much worse it would be if you were blind." "You got that right, lady," agreed the pan handler. When I was blind, I was always getting counterfeit money."