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Pink Eyed Jim Worldwide News

This is the news page. For those of you getting used to the new format, this page will display any news related to me or that interests me. Read on for my biting commentary on many issues. The one

Afghanistan Bombed, Yet Again.

October 15, 2001

I'm not even sure why I'm reporting this. Those of you who don't know this already obviously don't get any news from anywhere but here. Which is sad because this page has been up for less than a day.

Anyway, the scoop is that the US and it's allies have been bombing Afghanistan for over a week now, because they refuse to give up one man, Osama bin Laden (insert shrieking horror noise here). Refresh my memory if you can, when is the last time anyone fought a war over one person? I can think of none other than the Trojan War.

The politicians are fervidly denying this, with such outcries as "We are not bombing this nation because of one person." and so on and so forth. But am I the only person in this country who remembers two weeks ago when the US propositioned Afghanistan saying, "You turn over Osama bin Laden, we won't bomb you."

Just as an aside, when reading my news stories, you must realize that certian quotes are not direct quotes, just my paraphrasing of the lubed-up direct quotes of politicians, and other people with spin doctors.

Before I get 7,000 nasty emails from guys named Chet with IQs of 60 (median), let me clear my position. I do not defend bin Laden, I do not defend the Taliban, for these are people with many many issues to deal with. I have a few certain inalienable truths of my own to offer.

• Women should be treated as equal citizens.

• People should not fly airplanes into buildings. Especially on purpose.

• Whoever flies an airplane into said building, and he who masterminds, and or funds said plane flying should be severely punished by torture and, ultimately, death.

These ones are the kickers. Are you still reading Chet?

• People who suspect or accuse others of flying airplanes into buildings, or masterminding or funding said act, should be required to submit some sort of physical proof to their own countrymen, and the accused. This is America, folks.

• People performing police action might want to use caution in retrieving said accused person, and ensure that innocents will not perish.

• People living in the country performing said police act should try to realize that not all who wear turbans are named Osama bin Laden.

• People living in above country should seriously refrain from mailing little white envelopes full of taclum powder to others living in said country, in an attempt (an effective one albeit) to propagate terror, and further prejudice against said turban-donners.

• People in said country might seriously want to rethink how enlightened a nation we are when we engage in such activities.

Now that the basics are out ouf the way, I believe I can end my story with a little recap. Maybe we shouldn't bomb a whole country because of one individual. Maybe we shouldn't hate Middle Easterners in our country, almost all of us were the minority at some point in history. Maybe we shouldn't spread Anthrax scares. And most importantly, maybe we shouldn't fly any airplanes into buildings.