"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." If we don't fail, we run the risk of success. I haven't seen logic like that since Reagan's trickle down economics..
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." Hey now that sounds pretty kinky.
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." See the last quote on this page.
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." And if there is nitrogen we can grow plants.
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." We should be so lucky.
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change." And it will change.
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." Two words sum up this man: 'idiot'.
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." So maybe you should shut up?
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." "I have made good judgments in the present."
"The future will be better tomorrow." Yeah, when we vote you out of office.
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." You know, that actually makes sense.
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history." "And I am a prime example."
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." All 58,789,454 of them.
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." Hey, he's right. He's just about 250 years behind the rest of the world.
"Public speaking is very easy." As George demonstrates on a daily basis.
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican." Another true statement. Republicans aren't part of the problen. They're the whole problem.
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." Or it could be an indication of the overall suckiness of the candidates.
"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame." What a profound statement.
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it." Of course, we'll have lots more illegitimate children when abortion is illegal.
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." That's very reassuring, isn't it?
"For NASA, space is still a high priority." I should certainly hope so.
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." Well, it's more like television executives are the only profession that teach our children, since Republicans couldn't care less about education.
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make." Where's the fun in that???
"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made." Is anyone else noticing a pattern of incredible noncommittal statements here??
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." Thanks for clearing that up George.
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." Ok, you first. Preferably without benefit of a space shuttle.
TOP SECRET: GEORGE BUSH'S INAUGURAL ADDRESS
My fellow Armenians,
As I stand here today, looking over this magnificent viagra, I think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a fresh, bipolar approach. I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city, and each of us can get to the top if we set our mind to it, one step at a time.
Americans have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need ablutions. We need to move beyond petty armadilloes. Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their family on the table. That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets of Laredo".
(Music break)
A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and who are the wrong Americans. All of us are together, white or wrong, black or right. Or perversely. That's why my tax cut is as broad as we are. And it will give our expansion a timely second dose of wind.
(Zantac commercial)
I say there's a cost to inaction. I haven't done the acrobatics, but it's probably around a trillion dollars. That's a good round sum to offer to everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a lawnmower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life's work to those they love, and especially to pass on. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
(Applause; tears)
We know that America is the best in the world. We are the great super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world of madmen and mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate. We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must never run our lives.
(Exxon commercial)
The purpose of prosperity is to make sure the American dream touches every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches and feet, not miles or kilograms. Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I was one myself. I'm less now. But I'm also more. We are all less and more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate hearts to our preservative minds.
I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire and untie. I will appeal to people's better angles. I will prove that politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust the people we serve, and serve the people we trust. Together, we can do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom.
Thank you, and God help America
(Are we still on the air? We will begin bombing the Democrats in 5 minutes! hahahaha!! What? Oh shit...." )
Some GWB related sites:
Not the Bush Campaign Headquarters
Billionaires for Bush (or Gore)
The Official Bush-Cheney Campaign Site. Let it never be said that I don't look at both sides of an issue (even if it is a slightly skewed view).
