You may be wondering why an amateur band would need a manager. Let me try to explain:
In the beginning, the idea of me being the manager of The Gravity was really only a joke. Then again, in the beginning, the idea of The Gravity being a band was only a joke. After the band members went their separate ways to go to college, The Gravity was thought to be defunct for good. At some point, however, Ben and Murphy got the idea into their heads to come back as an actual rock band. They began working on The Gravity's return over a weekend when the three of us were home, so it just happened that I was around for some very important practice/planning sessions; including those which spawned such classics as "Paranormal Learning Devices," "Goodbye (But Not Forever)," and "The Animal Song."
A few weeks or so later, Murphy and I visited Ben's dorm at NYU, which is a whole other story in and of itself. Point being, I was again around for Gravity crap, and it was this time that I revealed to Ben and Murphy that I had declared a major in Management Science. Since I was studying management, and I was always there anyway, Murphy asked me to be their manager. Who would thought that a major chosen via the process of elimination would have led to something this big?
After a Gravity practice session or two, which didn't include Jay because he lived in Farawayville, Texas, winter break finally came and The Gravity reunited at Hands Across Ben's Grandfather's Basement. This opened up an opportunity for the band to play a wide variety of local parties; during which time my duties included carrying/transporting equipment, filming shows, sitting through practice, driving Jay to the dentist, and so much more. None of this seemed to have anything to do with being manager of a band, but it helped anyway. After seeing all my hard work and dedication, not to mention money spent on gas, the guys quickly decided to cut me in on a share of the profit.
It wasn't long before I realized, if I was going to make a percentage of the profit, there had to actually be a profit of which to take a percentage. I did the math and suggested that the band get some paying gigs at real venues. In response, the guys informed me that getting such gigs was my job. In fact, as though I hadn't been working my arse off already, it seems that this was the whole reason they hired me to begin with. I had no idea how to get work as a band, and since I knew Jay had done this sort of thing before, I decided to ask him about it. His advice was that I should call some clubs and figure it out for myself.
By way of following this gem of advice, I called up Club Bene in South Amboy, New Jersey. They told me to call a guy named Kyle for booking information, so I dialed him up and set out to do business. Oddly enough, to this day that remains the only time I ever got through to Kyle with only one call. It went a little something like this:
Me: Hi, I'm calling about booking information.
Kyle: Okay, where are you from?
Me: We're from South Plainfield.
Kyle: Where are you from?
Me: Oh, uhh, The Gravity.
Kyle: What's your music like?
Me: They're kind of like a cross between The Beatles and--
Kyle: Okay, cool. How old are you guys?
Me: The band's about a year old...
Kyle: How old are you guys?
Me: Oh, we're 21. (I lied, they were like 18. I thought he
might be more likely to hire us if we were older. For all I knew at the
time, it could have been a 21 and older club.)
Kyle: Okay, great. I have a couple of openings, blah blah blah
blah blah.
Note how he switched from asking for band information ("where are you from?") to asking for personal information ("how old are you?"), while using the same general wording and tone for both questions. Sneaky bastard really threw me off with that one. At any rate, he hired us to play Club Bene on a Wednesday night, at what he said would be an 18 or older show. I was so surprised that he actually hired us, it didn't even occur to me until later that many of the fans weren't old enough to attend an 18 or older show. When the information sheet and tickets, which we have to sell ourselves, arrived in the mail, I noticed that they said it was an all-ages show. Obviously, I now had questions: was it 18 and older or all-ages, and how long was the set going to be? He told me the latter question would be answered on the info sheet, but there was no mention of it.
I tried to contact Kyle many times to get some answers, but he's notoriously hard to get through to and he rarely puts forth the effort to call me back. Noting that the information sheet said to contact Stage Manager Dave with any questions, I instead called up Dave at the main Club Bene number. Reaching the Bene phone people, this is what was said:
Me: Hello, I'd like to talk to Stage Manager Dave.
Bene: there is no.... Dave... here...
Me: Oh... [click]
You really have to hear my impersonation of the operator to get the feel for that part of the story. If you ever see me around somewhere make sure to ask about it. Anyway, I finally got through to Kyle, and our conversation went a little like this:
Me: Hey Kyle, it's Mike from The Gravity. I was just wondering...
how long is the set we're going to play?
Kyle: It should be about 30 minutes or blah blah words words
words.
Me: Okay. Also, is this an all-ages show or 21 and older? Because
on the phone you said it was 21 and older, but on the tickets it
says--
Kyle: Did you get the information sheet?
Me: Yeah.
Kyle: What does it say?
Me: It says all-ages, but on the phone you said--
Kyle: If the tickets say it's all-ages, then that's what it is, so
why don't you just read the info sheet and save your questions?
(laughs)
Me: ...ohhhh-kay.....
With that settled, the band practiced and practiced; and played so well that Kyle asked us to headline the Stone Pony that following Wednesday. We graciously accepted to play the even more famous Stone Pony, which we soon realized is the worst little club in the worst little town in the whole wide world; a crumbling little shithole in a beachside ghost town. Our audience more than tripled the town's population upon arrival, I think.
Still, it was good to be playing anywhere for money, and that gig led us to yet another show at Club Bene the following year. I tried to get us a gig at Birch Hill, but we haven't worked anything yet, and now we probably never will. I would tell you about that, but even though this is by far the least important of all our bios, it has gone on longer than all the others combined; and technically, it isn't even biographical. Go figure.
If you've been paying attention to what you've just read, you're probably still wondering why an amateur band would need a manager. I'm wondering, too.
E-mail: sanbeg@hotmail.com
