Author: =][= Morok
Email: evilcanofjoy@kidsloveguns.com
One day I’m sitting in my room listening to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones and my friend rushes in all excited. I look at his sorry, Penguins loving ass and ask him what’s wrong. What he tells me defies all conceptions of intelligence and reasoning. An act of ignorance so vile and repugnant that I reconsider even daring to post it on this site. Some racial slur? Someone we know has been raped? A family death? No. The following is a quote straight from my friend’s recollection of the event.
Quote: “So, I’m talking to my friend and I told him Dawn of the Dead had an A-Team moment. He says, ‘What’s the A-Team?’ I was freaked out. Later on, I’m telling another friend about that and I say, ‘Can you believe he didn’t know what the A-Team was?’ My friend types to me, ‘The what?’ At this point, I was nuts.
Yes, believe it or not, but there are people who have never seen the A-Team. These poor wretches must go on with their lives devoid of any fun. How can you function with out the teachings of the A-Team? This world would be a much better place if everyone watched the A-Team.
The A-Team is one of the main reasons that I am the person that you see before you. It taught me courage, doing an honest days mercenary work, that you need a big, black van to succeed, and that you can make a armored vehicle out of anything. These are valuable lessons in life. If you are locked in a barn while vigilante Cowboys are on their way to hijack a truck bound for Indian Reservation territory packed full of medical supplies, how is Sesame Street going to help you? Big Bird never built a tank out of a forklift, PVC piping, multiple 2x4’s, aluminum plating, and CO2 canisters!
Hannible teaches you leadership and how to rationally formulate plans, Face teaches you how to use manipulation to get what you want and how to pick up chicks, B.A Barracus teaches you to be a man and fight for what you want (and how to weld), and Murdock teaches you that if you act crazy you can fly a helicopter. These are important to every human’s development! If the A-Team doesn’t teach you these lessons, you have to find them out the hard way: by getting seriously injured.
Scarier still, we conducted a poll, of which two-thirds knew what the A-Team was. ONE-THIRD DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE A-TEAM. If put up to the national scale, that means an estimated 83,000,000 Americans have never seen the A-Team. These statistics are astounding the scientific world (in my mind). If people don’t start to get a dose of the A-Team daily, we’ll all turn into idealists, socialists, and pink commies! The world as we know it will be destroyed and replaced with Friends watching pussies who want to hug each other and who will force children to listen to Peter Glass and Kenny G music!
Do you want this to happen to your children? I didn’t think so. So do the right thing: sit down and watch the A-Team on Spike TV whenever it is on and be sure to make your kids watch it. Inform them that if another kid hits them, they should find a better weapon. That if they are made fun of, find a healthy and humiliating way of vengeance, and to be sure to know how to fire an assault rifle! It’s the least you can do to be a good American citizen.
