Life is about the free things.... even when you're an ass like me
Author: =][= Morok
Email: evilcanofjoy@kidsloveguns.com
In this life of terrorism, Michael Moore half-truths, people bringing up ridiculous lawsuits and presidential candidates that look lie zombies many people can see few things that are good. Personally, I love life. There are little things that just make my day every time I do them. So, I’ve decided to make a small list of things I think most people can agree on. These things are the little things that make you smile, laugh or gasp in orgasm to.
- Writing a rant: Yeah, I know it’s a pretty self serving statement, but I do enjoy just sitting down and letting all of my rage and anger out in a satirical and funny fashion (if you happen to agree with me its funny…). Sometimes I’m just need to let out my frustration and have a disregard for whether I truly believe statements I’ve made in the past. But damn, it feels good. Especially when someone takes it all serious and writes a scathing yet poorly put together rant back at me. Makes me savor every word that I wrote.
- Taking a huge shit: I’m not so sure how girls feel about this, but sometimes taking a huge shit makes you feel all better. It’s like you take all the stress in the world and use it to pinch a loaf God would be proud of. As if a huge burden was taken off your back, you feel energized. I’m sure there are psychologists that say things like, “It’s a homo-erotic fixation with the anus and borders on a need for homosexual relations” but I don’t give a shit (no pun intended). Hell, I’ve done most of my great thinking (the word “great” can be debated by many, however) on the can. I’ve read chapters on the porcelain throne and loved every word. It’s such a relaxing thing to sit on that thing and read or think.
- Beating someone’s ass at a game: Whether playing the PS2, PC or war-gaming on table top battle fields, nothing replaces the feeling that you just kicked someone’s ass into the next time zone. Warhammer 40K (a tabletop war-game you all should get into) and its many related games are the ultimate for this. I love nothing more than a good game. Even if I lose, as long as it was a close game, it feels good to go down fighting. Of coarse, getting your ass handed to you in games is no fun at all and can put a damper on a great day. When you play many games and get your ass stomped then beat the ass-feeler that was whooping you is the ultimate high.
- Looking at the alarm clock, then realizing you can go back to sleep: Oh God, thank you for this pleasure. I call the phenomenon “time travel” when you take drifting naps after you wake up. It seems like seconds have gone by but anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour has passed. If your bored, I recommend time travel to speed to a time when something is happening.
- Watching peace protestors getting their asses beat: Riot police have a hard, thankless job of try to keep protestors in line. Whether on horse of foot, they have the job of arresting “peace” protestors when they break the law. It’s always a good laugh to see the police standing there, weapons ready. When one guy throws a stone or molotov cocktail at the line and the police return fire with rubber bullets and tear gas, then move in for the billy clubbing to ensue. I’ll never get over laughing about how these asses complain about police brutality when they are tipping over cars and setting fire to small businesses.
- Seeing that asshole who drives crazy get his: You know the guy, the one that cuts people off and causes trucks to jack-knife and kill people. It’s great to see him arrested after he throws a sissy fit while being pulled over cause he can’t get to work on time. That, or when he slams into a road barrier or tree and his body parts are scattered all over creation. You get the great sigh of satisfaction when it happens.
- Watching a Canadian hockey team loose the Stanley Cup of a semi-final game: Eat it, the Great White North! God, it’s good to be an American hockey fan when that happens. They get all pissed too because they all want it to happen up there. Then we win it and no one here cares. I think that’s what pisses them off the most. That most Canadians love hockey and don’t win the Cup while the Americans don’t know what hockey is and keeps winning championships with US teams.
- Watching some one trip: I think this one is self-explanatory. And you can’t tell me you haven’t ever laughed at someone’s misfortune of tripping in public. It is inhuman if you don’t.
{COMPLAINT}
