From DMX to Kid Rock, it's been agreed.... RAP SUCKS

Author: =][= Morok
evilcanofjoy@kidsloveguns.com

My roommate has been gone for a day now for his “hell week” fraternity thing. Even though I think fraternities are gay, I still don’t mind at all. He can leave for as long as he wants. It all comes down to one thing: no more rap.

Now, I don’t dislike my roommate at all, I like the kid and he’s funny as hell when he’s shit-faced, but the rap drives me nuts. Can’t tell him he can’t play it during the day though, cause its half his room. And at night when I’m sleeping cause he makes sure to wear heavy-duty headphones, so that’s cool.

I guess that I just hate rap itself. Rap sucks real bad. Not only does rap promote gang activities, racism, and sexism, but it reinforces conformity. Ever see “gangsters” walking around? They are everywhere all over campus and shit. It’s disgusting. Walking around like they aren’t the little shits that everyone KNOWS they are. Acting all tough and street-smart. Fuck you all, that shit’s gay, get a life.

One thing I love is the whole “religious” demeanor that these “artists” send out when win awards and shit from the Hollywood elite. “I’d like to thank God, my baby’s momma…” etc etc etc. Yeah, I’m sure God is up in Heaven wearing a doo-rag, selling crack to Seraphim and pimping for those who made it to Heaven. Call me crazy, but I don’t expect to Jay-Z to let me through the pearly gates and DMX to take my coat. If these people were so religiously devout then maybe they’d put down their “nines” and stop smacking hoes around.

Another bad thing is the Gangster poseurs. Not only are they poseurs, but they pose in the in a dumb-ass group. Listen, and this is to all groups, if your going to dress like you do, you better fucking act like it too. You better push smack if you’re a gangsta, you better beat the shit out of people if you’re a punk, you better dabble in dark arts and drink REAL PEOPLE’S blood if you’re a goth, if you’re a skater you better damn well skate, and you better go after underage children if you listen to Michael Jackson.

Then you have the “white rap” phenomenon. Here’s some tips to white rappers:

1. Loose the dreadlocks. If it wasn’t so ridiculous that you’re a white rapper, the dreadlocks just make it official.
2. Don’t do rock rap. It didn’t work for Run DMC and it’s not going to work for your dumb ass. It only worked for RAtM, and you're no Zach De la Rocha.
3. If you’re going to do straight up rap, you might as well just do what Eminem did and offend as many people as you can. Vanilla Ice didn’t offend anyone, and now look at him, he’s picking up Gary Coleman in a bad reality show. I’d rather be a white rapper than be on one of those reality shows.
4. Make a career change.

Rappers that act as well as rap are also bullshit. Will Smith is funny, but he sounds like pop-shit from the bottom of LL Cool J’s shoe. Not that LL is better. Not only can he not rap but he can’t act either. And then they come across, in all their movies, as the street smart black cop and/or athlete. Will Smith was good in Bad Boys and MIB, he was not good in any other movie/series. LL Cool J is just an acting abomination who needs to be shot. How many fucking football movies can you be in anyway? And, SWAT… Jesus, man, who the hell casted you as a SWAT member? Hellen Keller?

Now, with all that said, There ARE some rap groups that I like. Off the top of my head I can name Jurassic 5, the Beastie Boys, and Rage Against the Machine. I dropped the Roots because I actually don’t like them when I heard more than one song of theirs. At least these guys do something constructive with their musical genre and try to get a message across that doesn’t involve selling crack and smacking your bitch around.

What’s the moral story of this kiddies? I’d cut off my nuts and throw them into a trash compactor than be stuck in a room with rap blaring all day.