|
The Blessingway Journey Into Motherhood review by Bonnie Cehovet
Celestial Arts 2006 ISBN #1-58761-267-4 "Mother Rising" is all about the Blessingway Ceremony, a ceremony that is focused on honoring and pampering a mother-to-be. It reflects a renewed interest in feminist/Goddess energy, and the natural cycles of women. It is a ceremony that is accepting of all religions, with the focus on the mother-to-be and her needs. The "Blessingway Ceremony" brings back into our culture a much needed sense of ritual, of marking the important signposts in our journey through life. The most important women in a mother-to-be's life gather together to support her, help her feel empowered, and help her feel prepared to give birth to her coming child. There is a definite sense of community here that we are lacking in our "modern" times. The path that this book has taken is an interesting one. It began over fifteen years ago, when one of the authors (Barb, a new mother) began attending La Leche League meetings. Here she found support for the transitions that a new baby brought into her life. It was also here that she learned the concept of blessingways, and began to plan them herself. As her children grew, she formed a woman's circle to act as a support group for this new transition. It is here that she met Yana and Donna. Through the wisdom of these three women, and through their joint belief that a woman's wisdom is worth preserving, celebrating and sharing, this book was born. In the acknowledgment section, the authors honor those that have helped them along the way. One particular acknowledgment brought tears to my eyes - and is doing so again as I write this. It was the acknowledgment given to Alex Cortland, Yana's father. he was honored for his belief in the project, and in the women behind it, and for providing a crucial form of financial investment into this process - he financed a nanny to care for Yana's children, so that she would have the precious time that she needed to write. This is support from the heart and soul! There are five distinct stages to a Blessingway: (1) Beginning, (2) shifting, (3) focusing, (4) completing and (5) Feasting. The beginning stage helps to establish the safe and special space (sacred space) that is needed to do the work of the ritual. The shifting stage moves the group of women from a state of individual consciousness to a state of circle consciousness (being part of the circle). The focusing stage is where the attention of the members of the circle becomes focused on the mother-to-be, on pampering her and preparing her for her journey. The completing stage every woman's connection to the work that has just been done, and to the other women in the circle. The feasting stage is where the work done in ritual is brought into the sphere of everyday life, and the celebrants move from sacred space to social space. The blessingway is meant as a celebration for all women who are about to become mothers - whether through actual birth, through adoption, or through marrying someone with children. It is for women of all cultures, and all backgrounds. Each step of the blessingway is thoroughly covered, starting with the planning stage. What I found interesting is that the mother-to-be has very little to do with the planning or the execution of the ritual. She is consulted with so that the ritual is fine tuned to her wants and needs, but in the main it is meant to be a pleasant surprise for her. Her main contribution is the guest list - she needs to define who the most important women in her life are, from all areas of her life. Then she needs to decide if any of them would find this type of ceremony too stressful, or at odds with their personal beliefs. Definite stages are defined - save the date cards are sent out six to eight weeks before the ceremony. A month before the ceremony RSVP invitations are sent out, which also include an explanation of what the ritual is. Follow-ups to the RSVP invitations are done by phone, with special attention paid to guests that may seem indecisive. They need to know that it is "okay" not to come if they will not feel comfortable. Gift suggestions are made, potluck suggestions for the feast are offered, and attire discussed (this is a time to get the good cloths out!). Responsibilities for the various elements of the blessingway are divided out, and post-blessingway support discussed. ( I loved the suggestion of post-partum meals as a gift!) So far, you will note the lack of inclusion of any males. The point is made that adding male energy to the celebration will change it, even if the focus remains on the mother-to-be. The authors acknowledge that males can be included, but that if they are, the ceremony would have to be fine-tuned to their energy. The same would be true if the intent was changed to honoring both the mother-to-be and the father-to-be. The good news here - spouses, children and other family members are welcome to attend the feast at the end of the ceremony! The authors recommend writing down a formal outline for the ritual, so that everything can be timed correctly, and not too many elements are included (which can become overwhelming). A sample ritual format has been included for reference. There are specific parts to the ritual, beginning with the smudging of the guest (who line up from oldest to youngest). Everyone goes into the ritual space and forms a circle. The circle is closed, the four directions are honored, and Spirit is called in. The energy is now shifted to the circle. The purpose of the ritual is stated, and the participants introduced. A meditation is done to connect each member of the circle to each other. This is also where each member of the group releases whatever fears they may have, which may be done by simply writing them down and placing them in a "worry jar". The mother-to-be is now pampered, in whatever manner she is comfortable with. This may include brushing her hair, braiding it, massaging her shoulders, hands, and feet, creating mendhi art (the art of applying henna in various patterns to the skin), or applying bindis, which are self-adhesive jewels. These are just a few of the suggestions - there are many more, as well as references as to where to find them. It is now time to bring the ritual to a close and open the circle. First, the energy of the circle is heightened, through chanting, singing, intoning - or whatever worked for each specific group of women. The energy is then grounded, and a virtual web woven within the circle. The energy of the four directions is thanked and released, the energy of Spirit is thanked and released, and the circle is opened. Now is the time for feasting. Greater than the conviviality of sharing food, this is a time, when each woman's energy moves from the heightened vibration of the ritual space to the lower vibration of everyday social life. It is also a time when spouses, children, and other family members are welcomed. These sneaky authors have included some awesome recipes for the feast - kudos to each of you! This is feel good food, as well as food that even a "kitchen impaired" individual like myself could cook and serve. The final chapter of this book is a "bible" for those that wish to lead blessingway's themselves. Remember that these women have many years of blessingway's under their collective belts, and they are more than willing to share their wisdom. In the appendix, we find tools and resources, such as a blessingway planning checklist (covering three months before the baby's due date, one month before the blessingway, one week before the blessingway, one day before the blessingway, the day of the blessingway, and after the blessingway. There is also a supply checklist, a listing of Goddesses from diverse traditions, color symbolism, flower and plant symbolism, food symbolism, gem, stone and shell symbolism, general object symbolism, herb symbolism, number symbolism and tree symbolism. There is a listing of sources for music and chants, for meditation, and for mehndi work. Sources are also listed for parenting, poems, prayers and readings, postpartum support, pregnancy and childbirth, rituals, and ritual supplies. Ritual is important for all of us. It is a way of marking events that are important to us, and important stepping stones in our individual life journeys. I found "Mother Rising" to be well researched, well written, and cognizant of the beliefs and feelings of all participants. It is a wonderful resource book for any individual woman, as well as for women's circles and support groups.
Bonnie Cehovet
Graphics by Art for the web |
