The warm water felt so good as it ran down my body. It washed away the dirt, grime, and horrible things I had been feeling and going through. Unfortunately, all of it didn’t go down the drain.
After I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel tightly around my waist, I wiped away the mist from the mirror and stared at myself. “What’s going on with you, Chasez?”
“Jace? You in there?”
I opened the bathroom door to find Julie standing there. “Yeah?”
“Oh, um, you’re in a towel. I’m sorry,” she smiled, sliding her hands up my chest and around my neck.
“Julz, don’t.”
“What?” she asked innocently.
“I don’t want to…”
“Oh, don’t worry. Nobody’s here.”
“Nobody?”
“Nobody. Shannon and Lance went for a walk, Justin and Erin are talking to Joey and Chris about that party tomorrow, and Emily went down to the dock.”
“Is she by herself?”
“I guess so.”
“Perfect,” I said, unwrapping her arms. “I have to go talk to her.” I made my way down the hallway into my room with Julie following.
“Why?”
“We got in a big fight yesterday, and I need to go smooth things over with her,” I said, getting dressed quickly.
“But, JC,” Julie whined as I headed toward the door, “I need to talk to you too.”
“Later, okay?”
“But…”
“Later.” I ran quickly through the woods down the long path that eventually led to the lake. Emily was sitting at the end of the dock with her feet dangling in the water. “Emily,” I said.
“Josh! You’re all out of breath, and you’re all wet!” she said, looking me up and down.
“I just got out of the shower like two minutes ago.”
“Is that all?” she said, turning back to the water, obviously still mad.
“I need to talk to you,” I said, joining her.
“Oh, do you?”
“Yes, I came here to apologize.”
“I’m listening.”
“Well,” I began, trying to figure out where to begin. I turned to look at her and began to study her face. She had the saddest expression spread across it, more hurt than angry. “I first of all want to apologize for yesterday. I never meant for us to get into an argument, and the fact that we did has been bugging me ever since it happened.”
“I know the feeling,” she mumbled.
“I’m also sorry for making you cry.”
“You know what, Josh, you should be. It really hurts that you can’t tell me what’s been going on with you.”
“I-I know, but you have to trust me on this one when I say I’m not ready to tell you.”
“Why not? Why are we keeping things from each other? I felt I couldn’t tell you about Joey when you asked, and you can’t tell me this,” she said, turning to look at me. “I don’t like this.”
“Honestly,” I sighed, putting my hand lightly on her shoulder, “neither do I. I think we’re both out of it on this trip. It’s kinda a strange situation with different people and everything. I guess we’re not used to it.”
“I guess so.”
“Listen, Emily. I’m sorry I’ve been acting so strange these past couple of days, okay?”
“Okay.”
“And I promise that when I figure out and face up to some stuff, I’ll tell you right away.”
“You never know, if you told me now maybe I could help you figure things out,” she proposed, placing her hand on my knee.
I looked at her for a moment before answering. “You help me all the time. You just don’t realize it.”
“Thanks, JC,” she smiled as she hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her, and I didn’t want to let go. She felt so good in my arms.
“It’s the truth,” I whispered as we pulled away from each other.
“You promise you’ll tell me soon, okay?” she said as a hard to read expression crossed her face.
“Of course, I promise. So does this mean I’m forgiven?”
“Yeah, it does.”
“Good,” I smiled, standing up. “I’m gonna go pick up the club now. I kinda made a little bit of a mess last night after you left.”
“You didn’t.”
“Well, you know, I was just a little pissed off.”
“I’m sorry, Josh.”
“It’s okay. It won’t take too long to pick up. But, you know, I am truly amazed at all of the stuff we have collected in there over the years. Cups for our juice boxes, plates, puzzles, posters, Christmas lights which is funny cause there’s no electricity.”
“Hey! Those were your idea, and the added a nice touch to the place.”
“I know, I know.”
“We do have a lot of junk up there, huh?”
“Yeah, pretty much everything is, except for the picture of us in that beautiful picture frame you made in art class.”
“That is the ugliest thing in the world, and you know it. Speaking of, we updated the picture this year, right?”
“Oh yeah. We put the new one in at the beginning of the summer.”
“Okay, just checking.”
“I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Bye!”
“Bye!” I called, running back up the path and into the woods.
About an hour later, all the mess I had made the night before was cleaned. It wasn’t too bad to begin with just a couple of things on the floor and some over turned ‘furniture,’ and I was happy to clean it knowing that Emily and I had made up. Now the place was once again spotless.
I sat down to rest and survey my work when I heard a voice come from below.
“Jace? I saw you walk in this direction. Where are you?”
“Julie?” I said, peaking my head out the window or at least the hole in the wall that served as one. “W-what are you doing here?”
“There you are. I knew I saw you walk this way.”
“What are you doing here?” I repeated. I was panicked. Never had anyone seen or been to the club besides Emily and me. I really wasn’t too naïve to think that some little kids wouldn’t be able to find it if exploring the woods or something like that (that’s why we kept a lock on the door), but as far as I was concerned, Julie was not supposed to be there.
“Aren’t we a little old to be playing in a tree house?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Geez. I came here to talk to you. Can I come up?”
“No.”
“Okay, why not? Is there someone else up there with you that I need to know about?” she accused, heading for the ladder.
“No, no, I’m by myself. It’s just that you’re not supposed to know about this place.”
“Aw, does JC have a secret hiding place?” she called in an annoying baby voice from the ladder.
“No,” I said, opening the trap door and looking down at her. “It’s kinda a place that’s just mine and Em’s. If she found out you were here, I’d never hear the end of it.”
“So what else is new. That girl has an opinion on just about everything. Will you help me, Jace?” she asked as she reached the top.
“You really shouldn’t be here, Julie,” I replied, unmoving.
“Fine, I’ll do this myself.” After a moment of struggling she finally crawled into the house and was sprawled across the floor. When she heard me trying to cover up my laughter, she quickly got up and tried to make herself look as composed as possible. “Isn’t this nice?” she said, forcing a smile.
“Listen, Julie. I know you wanted to talk to me, and I kinda need to talk to you too, but let’s not do this here, okay?”
“No, this place is… cute,” she smiled, sitting down on a crate, obviously uncomfortable.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” I said again. “Really, you’re not. Let’s go for a walk or go back to the cabin or something, and we’ll talk then.”
“So, wait, only you and Emily know about this place?”
“Yeah, so we should leave.”
“So nobody would come looking for us here?”
“We need to leave,” I pleaded.
“Let me tell you what I need to say first,” she said, getting up from her seat and pushing me down into another one. “You’ll change your mind.”
“Julz, please, not here.”
“Jace, calm down. I think you’ll like what I have to say.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past few days, especially about what you said the night we made up from our fight.”
“W-what did I day?” I asked, suddenly extremely worried of the direction this was heading in.
“That just one kiss from me was like a thousand looks from somebody else.”
“Oh.”
“Anyway, I was thinking about that, right, and it has to be the sweetest, kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. And the fact that you really meant it made it so much nicer and more meaningful.”
“Uh, Julz, where are you going with this?” I asked, very very aware that we weren’t on the same plane anymore.
“Okay. Like I said, it means so much to me that you feel like that about me, and I realized I feel the same way. So I really wanted to tell you that…” She paused. “I love you.”
God must have been punishing me for something otherwise the same week that I realized I really didn’t like my girlfriend wouldn’t be the same one she decided she loved me. And the day she chose to tell me wouldn’t have been the same one I decided I needed to break up with her. The only thing was I couldn’t remember anything I had done that would have deserved such a lofty punishment.
“Okay,” Julie continued after the room had fallen to silence, “I realize that this wasn’t what you expected, and you may be overwhelmed, but it’s okay if you don’t…”
“Are you sure about this?” I asked once I had gained my voice back. “Are you truly sure?”
“Well, yeah. Like I said, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and…”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking too.”
“Really?” she asked hopefully.
“And, uh…” I couldn’t let things go any farther then they were. I needed to decide how to do this. Maybe the band-aid method would work: do it quickly- less pain. “And I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
Her face fell as she sat down shakily. “Do you mean that?”
“I’m sorry, Julie.”
“I-I tell you that I love you, and you break up with me?”
“These past couple of days haven’t been going well, you know that.”
“Well, I’m sorry for getting mad at you for pouring bacon grease in my lap.”
“No, it wasn’t that…”
“How can you do this to me?” she yelled.
“Don’t get angry,” I pleaded. “I know you have a reason to, but this was inevitable. This was going to happen soon.”
“Maybe in your eyes, but this was the last thing I expected.”
“I know, but I’m sor…”
“Why, Jace? Things haven’t been that bad. Besides, we worked through all that…” Her voice trailed off as her gaze fell onto the picture of Emily and me. She walked over to the makeshift shelf it was sitting on and picked it up, studying the fame’s contents. The picture didn’t help my case at all. It was taken on Christmas Eve, and the two of us were sitting in front of the tree, about to exchange gifts. Tyler had told a joke before the picture was taken, and Emily was borderline hysterical because of how corny it was, falling into me from laughing so hard. Me? I had my arm wrapped tightly around her waist.
“Julz…”
“Is this because of her?”
“Don’t try to blame anybody, especially Emily.”
“This is because of her! You’re breaking up with me for her?”
“Julie, no.”
“Damn it, JC!” she yelled, throwing the frame toward me. It hit the wall after barely missing my head and fell to the floor, the glass and old clay frame in pieces.
“Julie!”
“I should have known better.”
“It’s not about her!”
“From the first time I saw you two together, I knew there was something going on between you.”
“There’s nothing going on. She doesn’t even know how I feel about her!” I felt the words slowly slip from my mouth. “Shit,” I muttered.
“So you admit it?”
“I didn’t mean that…”
“You’re fucking breaking up with me for Emily,” she yelled, picking up a cup of dried flowers and launching them at me. “Miss Emily wins again. Why am I not surprised? She has you wrapped around her finger.”
“Julie, please calm down,” I said as she picked up a plate.
“Calm down?” she asked. “You know what, screw you, JC.” She whipped the plate at me Frisbee style.
“Julie…”
“No, I’m glad you did this. Do you know that? Yeah, I’m glad. Thank you for showing me what a pathetic little loser you are before I did something I would have regretted.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Fuck you.”
“Josh?” A voice came from under the tree house.
“Perfect timing,” Julie laughed.
“Julz, listen to me,” I whispered hastily before Emily could come up. “I truly am sorry. You are a great girl, just not the one for me.”
“Silly me, for awhile I thought you were the one for me,” she laughed as she threw another plate against the wall.
“Just don’t say anything to Emily. Things don’t need to be anymore complicated then they already are.”
“Aw, poor baby.”
“Julie….” I begged.
“Josh, I was back at the cabin, and you still hadn’t come back, so…” Emily’s head appeared as she climbed to the top of the ladder. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, Emily,” Julie said sarcastically as Em came all the way into the room. “I’m sure you’re going to love this. It’ll make you very very happy.” Emily looked at me strangely. “Don’t worry, Jace. I won’t complicate things for you anymore.” She walked pass me to Emily. “You win, Em,” she mumbled, lowering herself down until she was finally gone.
“Did you do all this yesterday?” Emily asked as she looked around the room at the broken pieces of glass and clay.
“No. All this is new.”
“What happened up here? And I thought you promised you wouldn’t bring her here.”
“I didn’t. She followed me here.”
“Oh, what happened?”
“Julie and I are no longer together.”
“I’m sorry, Josh.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yeah, I am. I mean as much as she annoyed me, you still liked her.”
“No, I didn’t. She’s not the one I like,” I mumbled, kneeling down to the pile of shattered glass and clay. I moved the remains aside and picked up the picture.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Emily asked, kneeling next to me and placing her hand lightly on my back. It hurt to feel it there, to feel her there. There she was, the one I liked, the one I was going crazy over, the one I was in love with, next to me, trying to comfort me… as a friend. She had no clue. She was oblivious to the fact that there was only one thing that could possibly make my world stop spinning. Her.
It took ever muscle in my body, every ounce of self-control I had in me not to break down right there and tell her about this hurt, this pain I was feeling, but I couldn’t. Things in my life were getting way too confusing now. I didn’t need to screw up the one thing left that made sense.
“Josh?”
“Um,” I swallowed, “just give me some time, Em. Okay? I need to be alone right now.”
“Sure. If that’s what you want.” She got up slowly and started back to the door. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”
“Thanks.”
“What are friends for?” she asked before disappearing.
“That’s a good question,” I mumbled silently to myself as I sank against the wall and stared at the picture. “That’s a really good question.”