“It could be on the bus.”
“I already checked the bus.”
“Your back pack?”
“I’ve already checked all of my bags, my bunk, the lounge, the kitchen, the back of the bus, everywhere.”
“Did you leave it at the hotel?”
“Oh my God. What if I did?” Drew and I were sitting in the front row at the sound check searching for my journal. It was gone. This time it wasn’t in my bags. I had already checked them three times. Along with everywhere else I could think of. I was ready to do a bunk to bunk search of the bus. I probably would have except I was afraid of what I could find. With every thing I had written down in there the night before, this was the worst possible time for it to be floating around. “Come with me to check the bus again.”
“I thought you just said it wasn’t there.”
“Drew! This is my journal we’re talking about. You know I write everything in that. A disturbing thought came into my head. “Oh no.”
“What?”
“What if Joey finds it?”
“Ew!”
“Come with me.”
“It’s not on the bus.”
“Well, I can’t just stand here when it’s missing.” That and Justin had just come onto the stage, and as usual, he looked gorgeous, meaning that it was time for me to get out of there before I did something stupid. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“Where?”
“Outside.”
“People are going to be coming already.”
“Let’s mingle.”
“Okay.” Even though the opening acts weren’t going on for another two hours, and it was freezing, people were still lining up outside the venue. All I saw were masses of baby blue and posters. I couldn’t help but wonder if this is what I would have looked like if I would have gone back at home.
Drew and I walked around watching everybody for awhile, making comments such as “I’ll admit that I’m a teeny bopper, but I would never go that far” (Drew), or “Cough, slut, cough” (me), or “Those girls have the last freakin’ row, and they’re still dressed like hoes” (Drew).
“Is too.”
“Not.”
“Too.”
“Why would he go out with a whore like her?”
“Excuse me.” A girl who looked maybe fourteen tapped me on my shoulder.
“Yeah?”
“Will you settle an argument for us? I say that Justin is going out with Britney Spears, and she doesn’t thinks so. Who’s right?”
“I’m sorry,” I sighed, swallowing a lump in my throat. “Your friend is. He’s, uh, single right now.”
“Told ya so.”
“But if it makes you feel better,” Drew said, “he was going out with this one girl up until last night.”
“Really?”
“Yup,” I said, attempting to smile.
“What happened last night? Did he dump her?”
“No, she broke it off.”
“Oh my God! Why would someone be that stupid?”
“Stupid?” I asked. “Girls, Justin has his problems. He’s no angel.”
“She’s telling the truth. For example, when the magazines tell you he’s grumpy in the morning until he’s had his cereal, they’re not kidding.”
“Yeah, and if you think his hair is big in pictures and stuff, you should see it when he first wakes up.”
“Yup, and he has the messiest bunk.”
“He has this theory that there’s this trash portal in it.”
“He sings in the shower, though that’s not a bad thing…”
“He has this one pair of boxers with baby ducks on them.”
“...he was like, ‘I never felt this way about lovin’, never felt sooooo good...”
“He loves his car to a sickening extent.”
“It was too cute.”
“Basketball-a-holic.”
“He eats so much food.”
“He drinks whole milk.”
“Yuck.”
“He loves to shop. It’s crazy.”
“Procrastinates.”
“But he sure can kiss,” I sighed.
“What?” The two girls were staring at us in disbelief. “Do you know him or something?”
“We, uh, travel with the band…” I heard Drew explain as I walked away. I still couldn’t believe that I actually did it. I broke it off with Justin. I never wanted to, and it was fairly hard being ‘just friends.’ But it was only the first day, and it would get easier. It seemed he was handling it much better then I would have liked though.
“Lili, snap out of it!” Drew said, grabbing my hand.
“Huh?”
“Let’s go inside. It’s so cold. I can’t feel my toes. Besides, if word gets around that we ‘travel with the band,’ we’re gonna get mobbed.” -
“Please,” Chris begged the man behind the counter.
“I don’t know, it’s pretty late.”
“Listen,” JC said, stepping forward. “We just drove on a bus for three hours, before that we were running around stage for another hour and a half, and we have been up all day dealing with annoyingly crazy fans, missing costumes, an impossible hackey.” He looked in Justin‘s direction. “And numerous other problems. All we want to do is go swimming.”
“Fine, but only for an hour.”
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” He picked up a key and unlocked the room the huge pool was in. We had it all to ourselves.
“I must admit,” Lance said, “it’s good to be us. Swimming pools being opened at like, 3:30 in the morning. It’s all good.”
I sat down on a lounge chair to take of my shoes. I looked up just in time to see Justin pealing his shirt off. Yes, pealing. “Sweet Jesus,” I muttered to my self. It was a beautiful sight, the first time I’d seen him with his shirt off. “Just friends, just friends, just friends…” I repeated to myself, quickly shifting my gaze back down when I realized I was staring.
“Talking to yourself again, Lili?” Chris asked, walking by.
“Yeah, you know me,” I smiled. I looked back to where Justin was standing to find that he had already jumped in the pool. I decided that I should attempt to distance myself from him in my moment of high vulnerability, so I took off the shirt that was covering my suit and headed to the hot tub on the opposite end of the room.
After it took me about 15 minutes to actually be fully in the tub, I closed my eyes and sank down chin deep into the bubbles. This way, I couldn’t see or hear Justin. Complete relaxation. Then I felt someone sit down next to me. I opened my eyes to find Lance. “Hi, Lance.”
“Hey, Lili. How ya doing?”
“Pretty fair, I guess. You?”
“I’ve been better.”
“I see.” Small talk. I absolutely hated small talk. People only use it when they’re too scared to get to the point. “So I never had the chance to ask you, how was you Christmas?”
“Pretty good. I got to see all my family in Mississippi…”
“Why do you do that?” I asked, sitting up.
“What?”
“You always manage to say you’re from Mississippi.”
“I do not.”
“Yes, you do. Like that one show, what was it? The first Fanatic. You were all talking about Garth Brooks, then you added, ‘Cause I’m from Mississippi.’ The Disney special you said it, on Rosie…”
“You’ve seen all those?”
“I have them all on tape.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“No, but don’t change the subject on me, mister. Do you use it as an excuse for liking country music?”
“Not really.”
“Cause a lot of people like country. I don’t know why, but…”
“You don’t like country?”
“I can’t stand it.”
“Come on,” he laughed. “It’s not that bad.”
“Yes, it is,” I said, struggling to keep a straight face.
“Be open-minded.”
“I am. I’m probably one of the most open minded people, especially when it comes to music. I listen to everything. But country.”
“Opera?”
“Okay, not opera. But everything else.”
“Classical?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. Ben and I listen to classical. It’s very soothing.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m serious.”
“I don’t see Ben as the type of guy who would listen to classical music.”
“Oh, he would surprise you.”
“Really?”
“Yup. He always does crazy stuff.”
“You know who surprises me?”
“Who?”
“You.”
“I do?” I heard my voice squeak with sudden nervousness.
“Yeah, you do,” he said, taking my hand underneath the water. It startled me beyond belief. A few weeks ago this would be a dream come true to be in a hot tub with Lance holding my hand, one of my daydreams. Now it was anything but that. It only made me feel horrible, and reminded me of how not with Justin I was. How I could be here with one of his best friends while he was across the room was just horrible. I couldn’t do that to him. I was his friend.
“Lance, don‘t,” I began, taking my hand back. “Just because I broke up with Justin doesn’t mean I don’t have any feelings for him.”
“I’m so sorry, Lili.”
“It’s okay.”
The torture I was being put through! First, Lili took about an hour to get into the hot tub. So as she first put her toes in, then her foot, then the other toes, and foot, I had to sit there and watch her look incredibly good with her hair all pulled up and her in her bathing suit. It was horrible. I had to stop myself from going over there to, well, I don’t know, to do something. Luckily, Chris dunked me then.
But then Lance, one of my best friends, had to go over there to talk to her. I wanted to drown.
“Justin,” Joey whispered. “Stop staring at her.”
“I’m not staring at her,” I said, keeping my gaze on the two of them.
“Buddy, you’re in denial.”
“Am not.”
“You two are still friends, just go over there and talk to her.”
“That would be too easy.”
“Go over there before we kill you.”
“Would you?” I asked hopefully.
“No!”
“They look like they’re having a serious conversation.”
“Justin, go!”
“Fine.” I climbed out of the pool and walked over to the hot tub, a very cold walk I might add.
“Hey, you two, stop secluding yourselves from the group.”
“Then have the group come over here to the hot tub,” Lance said.
“I have a feeling that we wouldn’t all fit. The girls would have to sit on people’s laps, and it could just get strange.”
“Okay, sounds good,” Lili said, getting out quickly.
“You coming, Lance?”
“Yeah.”
“So,” I said to him a second later as we walked behind Lili, “whatcha guys talking about?”
“Music.”
“Really?”
“I didn’t do anything, Justin,” he said, jumping into the pool. There was definitely something the matter with him. I wondered what conversation really had taken place in the hot tub.
I looked over to Lili curiously. She was standing on the edge, staring down at the water. “Getting in?”
“It’s going to be so cold.”
“The best thing to do is just jump in.”
“I’m not jumping in.”
“Need help?”
“Do not push me either,” she warned.
“I would never do that.”
“Justin…”
“What?”
“Don’t do any…” I picked her up over my shoulder. “Put me down!”
“Down?”
“Do not drop me in the water!”
“Don’t drop you in the water? Okay.” I threw her into the pool, and she landed with a splash.
“I can’t believe you just did that!,” she said once she came back up to the surface and was through coughing.
“Get him back, Lili!” Chris called.
“Hey! Shouldn’t you be on my side?”
“No, she’s cuter.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. She can’t get me back.”
“What makes you sound so sure?”
“You, uh, aren’t capable of being sneaky enough to get past me.”
“I would beg to differ,” Drew said. “She can be pretty sneaky.”
“Yeah, Justin, you of all people should know that.” I don’t know what she was trying to accomplish by saying that, but it was definitely the wrong thing to do. It completely brought up everything that I didn’t need to be feeling at that moment.
“Yeah, I should,” I said, picking up my towel and putting my T-shirt on. “I’ll see you guys later, okay? I’m gonna hit the sack.”
“You sure man?” Joey asked.
“Yeah. I’m not really in a swimming mood anymore.” I turned and walked out of the room. When I was in the hallway, I let out a deep sigh. “Just don’t cry,” I said to myself.
“Justin?”
I turned around. Lili was standing in the middle of the hall dripping wet. “You should get back in the pool. You don’t want to catch a cold or something.” I turned around and began walking to my room.
“Justin, wait,” she said, grabbing my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
The feeling of her hand on me felt so good. It felt so right. I wished I could turn around and tell her how much I missed her already and tell her she had made a big mistake. Instead she was out here apologizing for rubbing the fact that she dumped me in my face. And that sucked. All it really did was piss me off that she could so easily throw away something I valued so much. I swallowed hard, forcing everything down. The last thing I wanted to do lash out on her. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“I shouldn’t have said…”
“Please don’t go into this with me, Lili.”
“I…”
“I don’t want to hear it.” I said, walking away. -
“We have no food on this bus!” Joey cried.
“There’s got to be some.” I opened the fridge in protest. It was empty. The cupboards only contained a bear-shaped bottle of honey and a small bag of Cheetos. “What happened to our food?”
“Joey ate it all,” JC said.
“I did not!”
“Couldn’t someone go to the store?” I asked.
“Good idea, Justin. Go to the store,” Chris said.
“Oh no, it’s too much of a hassle. I’ll get recognized, I always do. There aren’t too many six-foot, curly blondes out there.”
“Maybe the bags under your eyes will throw em off.”
“Huh?”
“Did you sleep okay, Justin?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. I hadn’t slept a wink the night before. I kept tossing and turning, and I just couldn’t keep my mind off of her.
“All you have to do is go incognito.”
“Yeah, wear a hat, scarf, but nothing baby blue.”
“Why?”
“Cause any fan knows you always wear baby blue.”
“Okay, I’ll go up to the store.” I said reluctantly. I wandered around the bus until I had found a hat, scarf, my coat, and some gloves. After I put it all on, I modeled it for the guys. “How’s that?” I asked.
“What? We can’t hear you. The scarf’s in the way.”
“How is that?” I repeated, moving the scarf away from my mouth.
“I don’t know. Lili!”
“What?” she asked as she came into the room.
“Can you tell it’s Justin?”
She looked me up and down as I turned in a circle. “Yup.”
“What!”
“How?” I asked.
“Your eyes,” she said softly. “They completely give you away. You need sunglasses on.”
“Sunglasses!”
“Why are you all bundled up anyway?”
“We’re sending him to the store.”
“He doesn’t want to be recognized.” I nodded in agreement, slipping my shades on.
“Why don’t you just send somebody else? I’ll go instead.”
“Perfect! No one will expect Justin to have a girlfriend.”
“Hey!”
“No, I just meant that I could go by myself, not as his girlfriend.”
“We wouldn’t send you out by yourself.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“Get some Coke, too,” they said, pushing us out of the bus and throwing Lili her coat.
“W-what just happened?” she asked, looking at me strangely.
“I have no clue,” I said, moving the scarf away from my mouth once again.
“Well, it was very considerate of them to give me my coat,” she said, walking towards the store.
“I don’t know what has gotten into them,” I said, shaking my head. “They’re all in a crazy mood.”
“Are you sure you had nothing to do with us being stuck together?”
“Why would you think that?” I asked, partially annoyed. “I am an innocent bystander to the craziness that is my friends.”
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m just not in a real great mood. I didn’t sleep very well this morning.”
“Those mid-morning swims will do that to you.”
“You can say that again.”
“Have you found your journal yet?” I asked, knowing perfectly well the answer was no.
“How’d you know my journal is missing?”
“I, uh, thought I heard Drew say something about it.”
“Oh,” she shivered. I looked over and noticed her ears were becoming bright red.
“You want my hat?” I offered.
“You need it more. You’re incognito.”
“I still have the scarf and the shades. It’s all good.”
“Okay."
I took my hat off and slid it over her hair. “Looks good,” I said.
“It’s warm. Thanks.”
“Yeah, I really don’t need it. I have all this hair to keep me warm.” I saw the corners of her mouth curl up. “Was that a smile?”
“Yes.”
“See, your mood is improving already. A few more minutes with me, and you’ll be on cloud nine.”
“You sound so sure of yourself.”
“Well,” I said, holding the door open for her, “I may not be your Romeo anymore, but I’m still your friend. I think I know a few ways to cheer you up.”
“Never change, Justin, never change,” she sighed.