LOVE TIPS FOR GUYS
Just Friends or
Girlfriends?
Realistically, girl friends come in two
categories, girls who are friends, and 'girlfriends'. Girls who
are friends are like mates, they're friends you spend time with,
who just happen to be girls. 'Girlfriends' on the other hand,
imply that you are physically and emotionally involved with them.
Both forms of relationships can be interchangeable; somtimes a
boy and a girl who have been mates might find through their
contact with each other that something else lurks beneath their
friendship and it develops into a romance. Or indeed a
relationship may fizzle from being a romantic involvement to
becoming a more straightforward friendship. One big mistake a lot
of boys make is to assume that there's a world of difference
between a friendship with a mate and a relationship with a girl.
There isn't. Both rely on common interests, spending time
together, being able to talk to each other, laugh with each other
and trust each other.
Do You Really Want A Girlfriend?
It is generally accepted that girls begin to mature earlier
than boys. This means that they reach puberty and adolescence at
a younger age and it usually means that they start wanting to
have boyfriends before boys of their own age start wanting to
have girlfriends. This is one of the reasons why it is very
common for teenage girls to have boyfriends who are a bit older
than themselves. At the same time, they are very, very
susceptible to pressure and influence from their friends. This
peer pressure can take effect in different ways, for example if
all their mates are still wrapped up in football and video games,
they might not want a girlfriend, as they might stand out from
the herd, while if all their friends are dating girls then they
might feel they've got to get themselves a girlfriend quickly.
Peer pressure is not a good reason for starting a relationship
with a member of the opposite sex. A boy who is going out with a
girl just to impress his mates is not likely to make a very good
boyfriend, because he's obviously going to be more concerned with
what they think as opposed to what she feels. You don't have to
date anyone when you are a teenager, and you will still grow up
to be a perfectly normal, happy and healthy adult. And in fact
the more time you spend on your own, discovering who you are,
what are your likes, dislikes, aims and goals in life, when you
are a teenager, the more likely you are to sail comfortably on to
adulthood.
Talking To Girls
Before you can have a romantic relationship with a girl, some
sort of friendship is important. To start a friendship it is
necessary to strike up conversation. But this is something that a
lot of boys find great difficulty in doing for all sorts of
reasons, perhaps because it is a new experience, they are shy,
because they think that the things girls are interested in are
boring, or that girls will find them boring.
Communication Skills
Striking up a friendship with a girl involves using
communication skills. Boys often don't talk to each other very
much, so they are not too hot on communication. Sure, boys hang
around and swap stories, but very rarely do they ever discuss
anything intimate or personal. And they practically never share
anything about emotions or feelings with one another. Indeed,
when starting a friendship with any girl, the greatest asset a
boy can have is not a quick, witty tongue, but an attentive ear.
Conversation is the key, it's the starting point of any
relationship with the opposite sex. That doesn't mean it can only
be practised on members of the opposite sex, far from it; the 'of
conversation', the ability to speak interestingly, listen
attentively and identify similar thoughts, art feelings and
experiences can and should be perfected by talking with anyone
and everyone.
Where To Meet Girls
Relationships, especially those between teenagers, normally grow out of existing friendships or acquaintances. Although there's something very romantic in the idea of meeting someone who comes from the other side of the world and then falling desperately in love, it's far more likely that you'll end up going out with someone from school or a girl you meet every Wednesday night in the youth club. Contrary to popular belief, discos and nightclubs are not particularly good places to meet people who you'll end up dating. In fact, the majority of people have met their partner either through school, college, work or another friend. A great number of people seem to be going out with someone who used to go out with a friend of theirs. In other words, you don't actually have to scour the globe from corner to corner to find a soulmate.
The First Date
There are good places to go on dates and there
are bad places to go on dates. The best dates are the ones which
give you both something to focus on and during which you can be
physically quite close. The cinema is always a good bet for a
first date with a girl you don't know too well, because it means
you can spend an evening together without having to find too much
to talk about, and when you come out you have the shared
experience of the film to discuss. At the same time you've been
close, sitting together, and ostensibly alone. Events like
concerts, football matches, races or ballet are brilliant if both
parties have some reasonable amount of interest. But there is
nothing worse that being dragged along to two and a half hours of
something you don't like. So it is always better to try and pick
something safe. Going out for a meal together can make an
excellent date although if you aren't very comfortable just
chatting for a long time face-to-face, it could be a bit of a
strain. The best dates are not always the most exciting events.
You don't really have to see Madonna live or do anything
particularly extravagant. The real value from a successful night
out together is the warm feelings you get from being in each
other's company which could be just standing at a bus stop in the
rain.
Just because a girl agrees to go out on a date with a boy, it
doesn't mean anything. There is a long way between going out on a
date and having a relationship. Just because you've been out with
someone once, it doesn't mean she's your girlfriend, or you're
her boyfriend. Any boy who assumes that he deserves good-night
kisses or any other physical intimate contact because he's been
out on a date with a girl is wrong. Very wrong. A date with a
girl is not necessarily a prelude to anything. It is a way of
getting to know someone better, and finding out whether or not
you get on well.
French Kissing
French kissing is the name given to the type of kiss which
doesn't just involve the pressing together of lips, but goes one
step further and includes the touching of tongues. Both kissers'
mouths are kept slightly open during the kiss so that tongues can
be mingled and each other's lips and mouths can be explored.
Because it is a more intimate and arousing method of kissing, it's
obviously not the sort of kiss you'd greet your aunty with, but
this doesn't mean that it signifies anything other than the fact
that you enjoy that level of intimacy with whomever it is that
you are kissing. It must also be pointed out that French Kissing
is not necessarily very arousing or very nice, particularly the
first time. It can be wet and sticky and uncomfortable, not
because either party is doing it wrongly (there is no right or
wrong way) but because you just don't happen to like it. Wet,
tongue-filled snogs are sometimes not half exciting as soft,
sensual lip-brushing kisses. It's all a matter of personal taste.
What Having A Relationship Means
A relationship is about trusting, loving and respecting each
other. It's not just about getting off with one another for a
night and having a serious kissing session, it's about developing
a friendship that involves intimacy, care, fun and honest
communication. Ideally relationsip are ongoing and growing, so
they will continue to develop and improve as time passes, so long
as both parties are willing. Relationships are not about
ownership. Being someone's girlfriend or boyfriend is not a
statement or a legally binding agreement. It is only stated of
mind shared between two people. What the rest of the world thinks,
believes or does isn't actually an issue. What is an issue is how
you treat each other and if you cacn bring each other comfort,
pleasure and happiness. Those are the sort of relationships which
are really worth having.
When It Ends
One of the most painful things that any teenager has to go through is the experience of being chucked or rejected by someone they feel strongly about. The fear of rejection makes asking someone out so difficult in the first place. So, when you are eventually rejected by someone you have gone out with, it is doubly painful. All the same, it is important and practical to be able to deal with rejection, as we will all have to face it in one form or another several times through our lives. In some ways it might seem even more difficult for boys to cope with because they are often less able to deal with the emotions that come up. Being chucked rocks your confidence in yourself. It makes you feel that in some way you are not good enough because you can't have something you dearly desire. An automatic reaction to being chucked is to cry with the hurt and to moan about the fustration. Rejection is a part of the process of finding the right partner. Rejection doesn't mean you are a bad person. It just means you are not the right person.
Author: Nick Fisher
