Nifty Quotes

Here are some quotes I really like.(The newest ones are at the bottom of each section) And for quotes that are totally off-the-wall and make absolutely no sense, check out some quotes from my friends

Quotes by Anonymous and Unknown

They're pretty smart guys, Anonymous and Unknown, and they seem to have written a lot...

  • "Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."-Unknown

  • "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."-Unknown

  • "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." -Unknown

  • "The worst way to miss someone is to have them sitting right next to you and to know that you can never have them." -Unknown

  • "Everything you want is just out of reach until you realize that you were never close in the first place." -Anonymous

  • "Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish."-Unknown

  • "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and every weekend he'll get drunk and go out in a boat with his friends."-Unknown

  • "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you."-Unknown

  • "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it." -Unknown

  • "I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?"-an email forward

  • "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing"-an email forward

  • "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."-an email forward

  • "In case of fire don't use elevator; use water, it tends to work better."-Unknown

  • "Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded..."-Unknown

  • "Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."-Unknown

  • "Never knock on Death's door: ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)."-Unknown

  • "When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?"-Unknown

  • "Bad spellers of the world, Untie!"-Unknown

  • "The juvenile seasquirt wanders through the sea searching for a suitable rock or coral to adhere to. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore so it eats it. It's rather like getting tenure."-Unknown

  • "The graduate with a Science degree asks, 'Why does it work?' The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?' The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?' The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks,'Do you want fries with that?'"-Unknown

  • "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow." -Unknown

  • "To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." -Unknown

  • "No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys." -Unknown

  • "Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change." -Unknown

  • "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups" -Unknown

  • "To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it" -Unknown

  • "Easy : how people describe a woman with the morals of a man" -Anonymous

  • "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens? Ha! For me, it's 5 or 6 beers while watching the game; getting so drunk I've forgotten my name. These are a few of MY favorite things." -Unknown

  • "Life's a bitch, and then you meet one." -Unknown

  • "Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency" -Unknown

  • "Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture" -Unknown

  • "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere" -Unknown

From the TV, Movies, Internet, and Newspaper

  • "Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"-The Scarecrow, The Wizard of Oz

  • "Simon, what are you doing?"
    "Thinking about God."
    "In a corner?"
    "Faith is not in a floor plan."-the Reverand and Simon, "Simon Birch"

  • "I just never want to jump unless I'm sure someone's going to catch me." -Victoria, The 10th Kingdom

  • "When you like somebody, proximity is a good thing, whether they feel the same way about you....or not, as the case may be." -Pacey, "Dawson's Creek"

  • "Oh God, I hate crying. It's such a girl thing to do." -Jen, "Dawson's Creek"

  • "I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean." -Sally, "Practical Magic"

  • "I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen." -Sally, "Practical Magic"

  • "Sometimes life's just hard. For no reason at all." -"Remember the Titans"

  • "You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."-"Chicago"

  • "But it comes with a free frogurt!"-The Simpsons

  • "Now is the time for Kinky."-Alex Trebeck(on Jeopardy)

  • "You're already a bastard. You might as well be an enlightened one."-Simon, "Simon Birch"

  • "I have faith...I'd just like a little proof to back it up."-Joe, "Simon Birch"

  • "Act your shoe size."-Maxwell House commercial

  • "Blast you and your estrogenical treachery!"-Stuey, "Family Guy"

  • "Serenity now, insanity later."-"Seinfeld"

  • "It's a simple question. Do you want to go to Mars with a dead guy and a sandwich? Yes or no?" - SNL

  • "Yes, jump right into my nightmare, the water's warm." - Jerry, "Jerry Maguire"

  • "I was carrying on with a penis...the man just happened to be attached." -Ally McBeal

  • Mission Lady : "But you will all burn together in the eternal hellfires!"
    Marklar, the Marklar from Marklar : "Yes, that's nice. Thank you for stopping by!" -South Park

  • A comment on the RPI hockey team's inability to score Saturday night against SLU:
    "They just didn't go in for us,'' Fridgen said. "Short of taking a bazooka out of my pants, loading it up and firing, I don't know what else we could have done to get a shot by them.'' -Albany Times Union

  • "I was just thinking that now would be a good time to start up that debilitating drug habit I've always wanted." -Pacey, "Dawson's Creek"

  • "Men. They shouldn't try to think. They should just sit there and look pretty. And if they can't look pretty, they should go outside and fix something." -Lisa, "Sister Sister"

  • "Interstate 95, which stretches from Maine to Florida, is known for high-speed truck traffic and lengthy areas of congestion, not for marauding monkeys." -Excite News (yes, this was actually part of a news story)

  • "I'm not a dork, I just enjoy science." -Liz Parker, "Roswell"

  • "There's nothing worse than a bad boy gone soft." -Jennifer, "Boys and Girls"

  • "Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and I am PISSED OFF!" -"Almost Famous"

  • "Dawn! A brand new day! This could be the start of something average." -Ziggy (Tom Wilson)

  • "Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself." -Mae West

  • "Making love with me makes you think of a priest with lupis?" -Abby, "ER"

  • "You traded my nice gift for a semi-pornographic, leering monkey lamp?" -"Gilmore Girls"

  • "If wishes were horses, we'd all be knee-deep in crap." -"ER"

  • "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." -James Dean

  • "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'" -Charlie Brown (Charles Schultz)

  • "I think I bruised my Chi." -"Sabrina"

  • "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer: That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" -John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

  • "Sucking all the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone." -John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

  • "Get out there. Be positive. Kick ass, take names." -"Felicity"

  • "So let me tell you what my sex life is like. I got a Mormon on my left, and a naked gay man on my right. What am I supposed to do with that?!?" -The Real World

  • "You're a delivery man for a sausage company?"
    "Yes. I deliver the sausage ALL DAY"
    "So, let me get this straight. People call up, and you bring them the sausage?"
    "Yes. And they give me tips"
    "And I'm probably not the first one to make fun of you for this."
    "No, probably not." -Beat the Geeks

  • "Don't let the door hit you on the way out, cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!" -Futurama

  • "I have magic breasts." -Elliott, "Scrubs"

  • "You're a man haunted by those two most terrible words: 'What If'" -Freaky Guy, "Time Machine"

  • "Why would a guy want to put his tongue in my mouth?
    What? Janet, listen to me. A guy puts his tongue in your mouth because he wants you to BITE IT OFF!" -Janet and her mom, "Riding in Cars With Boys"

  • "Pop, you can't negotiate my boobs!" -Beverly, "Riding in Cars With Boys"

  • "You know what they say. That which doesn't kill you, makes you want to die." -Jason, "Riding in Cars With Boys"

  • "I don't get mad. I get stabby." -mob guy, "Simpsons"

  • "Help me Jebus!" -Homer, "Simpsons"

  • "Would I see a podiatrist or a proctologist to get a foot removed from my ass?" -Ray, "Everyone Loves Raymond"

  • "It makes me laugh. The Jewish boy has a monkey!" -Nunie, "Just Shoot Me" (talking about "Friends")

  • "You're happy. Did you do something slutty?" -Rory, "Gilmore Girls"

  • "Hey, I had dibs on being the bitch tonight." -Lorelei, "Gilmore Girls"

  • "Hands in the air, not in the nose! 1-2-3, 1-2-3..." -Miss Patty, "Gilmore Girls"

  • "Does he have a motorcycle? Cause if you're gonna throw your life away, he'd better have a motorcycle!" -Lorelei, "Gilmore Girls"

  • "Education is the most important thing in the world, next to family"
    "And pie!" -Mrs. Gilmore and Lorelei, "Gilmore Girls"

  • "Well, my stomach says no, but my sick carnie sense of humor says yes." -"Drew Carey Show"

  • "Come on, Will, let's go! I've even got my surprise underwear on."
    "You mean no underwear?"
    "That's the surprise!" -Jack and Will, "Will and Grace"

  • "Ok, here's the plan. Fez, you beg for mercy in broken English, Hyde you insist that this whole thing was a misunderstanding, and I'll curl up in the fetal position and think about pancakes." -"That 70s Show"

  • "This is our house!"
    "We're in charge!"
    "I love my butt!"
    -"Scrubs"

  • "I'm sorry, when exactly did you lose your soul?"
    "Umm......cheerleading camp"
    -"That 70s Show", Donna and Jackie

  • "Because there's a girl in your bed....because there's a girl in your bed....BECAUSE THERE'S A GIRL IN YOUR BED, DAMMIT!"
    "Uh....oh! Reasons I should go for it!"
    -That 70s Show

  • "I slept with Eric last night"
    "Oh my gosh....how was it?!?!"
    "Good...I was asleep"
    "Eeew"
    -That 70s Show

  • "Have you Googled her yet?"
    "Willow, she's 17!"
    -Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

  • "First rule of girls club, don't talk about girls club" -Abby, "ER"

  • "College is for ugly women who can't win beauty contests"
    "No, college is for women who don't want to marry the first idiot they meet and squeeze out his bastard children"
    -That 70s Show

  • "Man, what did you have for breakfast this morning, Carnation Instant Bitch?"-That 70s Show

  • "If this van's a-rockin'....we're in there doin' it!"-That 70s Show

  • "You're never too old to burn to death in a fire"-That 70s Show

  • "I don't want to share my feelings with you....hell, I don't even think I have feelings"-That 70s Show

  • "Good news, Red. I just took Cosmo's 10 Ways to Please Your Man, and I got 9 out of 10. Hahaha! But I didn't get #3 because I'm a nurse, and #3 is icky." -That 70s Show

  • "Ok, you win! I'll smoke, I'll drink, I'll masturbate....if someone helps me, I'll do all three at once." -The Drew Carey Show

  • "If God had meant for virgins to lose it to other virgins, he wouldn't have given us middle-aged hookers!" -That 70s Show

  • "I remember running my hands through his long, blond hair and listening to his British accent....you see, because back then your father was blond and British." -That 70s Show, Donna's mother talking about her first time

  • "I'll cancel on account of I've-just-turned-into-my-mother-and-I-need-to-attend-an-intensive-counselling-session" -Gilmore Girls

  • "The foundation of any good relationship is three little words: I don't know. 'Where are you going?' 'I don't know' 'What are you thinking about?' 'I don't know' 'Hey, who's that under you?' 'I don't know'" -That 70s Show

  • "Hey guys, gues which part of my body I nicknamed Pink Floyd?" -That 70s Show

  • "She's a girl! Everything sugar, and spice, and everything....useless, unless you're making it." -Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

  • "HAHAHAHAHA.....oh man, I just totally forgot why I was laughing....isn't that funny?" "Uh, ok...no more for the cheerleader...." -That 70s Show

  • "Oh, don't worry, they're not going to get married. He'll leave her when she gets pregnant. Hahaha.....uh, ok, I see Mr. Smiley isn't here today...." -That 70s Show

  • "Between me and my big ole wife, we have ten of the ugliest kids you've ever seen" -W.C. Fields, on Wheel of Fortune

  • "Look, I can't think about you every second of every day. Sometimes I have to think about guy things. Cars, electronics...Katie Holmes" -Everwood

  • "Wait, why'd he get suspended?"
    "Cause he's stupid"
    "They can do that?"
    -That 70s Show (Kelso and Donna)

  • "Roses are red, violets are blue....milk, eggs, coffee" -Leon's love note with roses sent to Mrs. Foreman

  • "I'm the pushy queen of slut town!" -Buffy the Vampire Slayer

  • "A lot of things can take you by surprise...sometimes it's realizing you're not as happy as you thought..." -Scrubs

  • "Goodnight, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs put a foot up your ass!" -That 70s Show

  • "Don't get your panties in a wad."
    "That's some good advice, thanks"
    -3rd Rock From the Sun

  • "If I don't like a particular feminine product with wings, they'll make one with propellers!" -3rd Rock From the Sun

  • "And I can write some great slogan like, "I hate the fuzz" on my ass!"
    "But if you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?"
    -That 70s Show

  • "The girl is full of manners. She says please and thank you, she doesn't burp in public, what else does she need?" -Everwood

  • "I can't believe you didn't want that guy licking liquor off your navel. You must be seriously depressed." -Everwood

  • "Getting what you want is easy. Knowing what you want...that's the challenge." -Everwood

  • "Exactly when does puberty end for a man?"
    "About 6 months after death."
    -3rd Rock From the Sun

  • "Would you like me to call you a cab? Or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring you your broom?" -Scrubs

  • "I don't use toilet paper. I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt"
    "Bidet"
    "Bidet to you, sir"
    -Scrubs

  • "Have you ever loved someone?"
    "Um....yeah..."
    "No, I don't mean your parents or your dog. I mean someone you find. Someone who unexpectedly makes your life worth living."
    -Crossing Jordan

  • "I hope I didn't offend you [for assuming you were a lesbian]."
    "Oh, no worries. My dad's a lesbian"
    -Crossing Jordan

  • "Love is out there in a stranger's clothes, you just haven't met him yet..." -song at the end of Crossing Jordan (11/18/02)

  • "I always thought my 'joie de vie' was in my pants" -That 70s Show

  • "What about this dress?"
    "That looks like something my grandma would wear."
    "It's slit halfway up the thigh!"
    "What can I say? My gran's a sexy lady."
    -Dawson's Creek

  • "What did I tell you about calling your sister the devil?"
    "That it's offensive to the devil?"
    -That 70s Show

  • "I have redefined the words 'pain' and 'suffering' since I fell in love with you." -Buffy, The Vampire Slayer

  • "I just want you all to know, that when it's my time to go, I want to be buried face down....so everyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass!" -That 70s Show

  • "I'm not leaving my daughter stranded on the couch. What if you have to go to the bathroom?"
    "I don't go anymore, mom, I gave it up cold turkey!"
    -Gilmore Girls

  • "You just sold your soul for a car."
    "Who cares? Your soul is like an appendix...I don't even use mine"
    -That 70s Show

Books

  • "Excess, on occasion, is exhilerating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of habit."-W. Somerset Maugham

  • "If you think rolling in the mud will help you look like a black cloud, you are wrong. You'll still look like you - only dirtier." -Eeyore

  • "Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."- John (15:13?)

  • "Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." - Oscar Wilde, 1856-1900

  • "I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living; it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." -Dr. Seuss

  • "I'm so tired of preparing for life: I want to live it now." - Of Human Bondage

  • "It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched, for they are full of the truthless ideals which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real they are bruised and wounded." -Of Human Bondage

  • "Got to keep in touch with your old friends. Old friends know you best." - "Summer Sisters", Judy Blume

  • "I don't call people for help. It's not because of the way I was raised, at least I don't think so; it's the way I was made. Johanna once said that if I was drowning at Dark Score Lake, where we have a summer home, I would die silently fifty feet out from the public beach rather than yell for help. It's not a question of love or affection. I can give those and I can take them. I feel pain like anyone else. I need to touch and be touched. But if someone asks me, "Are you all right?" I can't answer no. I can't say help me." -"Bag of Bones", Steven King

  • "What is hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most to us are wrapped up in parentheses." -"The Cider House Rules", John Irving

  • "Certain things they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone. I know that's impossible, but it's too bad anyway." -Holden Caulfield, "Cather in the Rye"(J.D. Salinger)

  • "'It's a beautiful religion,' she mused, 'and I wish I understood it more. No, I don't want to understand it all. It's beautiful because it's always a mystery, like God Himself is a mystery. Sometimes I say I don't believe in God. But I only say that when I'm mad at Him...Because I do! I do! I believe in God and Jesus and Mary. I'm a bad Catholic because I miss mass once in awhile and I grumble when, at confession, I get a heavy penance for something I couldn't help doing. But good or bad, I am a Catholic, and I'll never be anything else.
    Of course, I didn't ask to be born a Catholic no more than I asked to be born an American. But I'm glad it turned out that I'm both these things.'" - Francie, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn", Betty Smith

  • "Forward? Nonsense! Send the card if you feel like it. I hate all those flirty-birty games that women make up. Life's too short. If you ever find a man you love, don't waste time hanging your head and simpering. Go right up to him and say, 'I love you. How about getting married?'" -Katie, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn", Betty Smith

  • "'People say that happiness is a faraway thing,' thought Francie, 'something complicated and hard to get. Yet, what little things can make it up; a place of shelter when it rains - a cup of strong hot coffee when you're blue; for a man, a cigarette for contentment; a book to read when you're alone - just to be with someone you love. Those things make happiness.'" - Francie, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn", Betty Smith

  • "People had terrible things behind their faces sometimes." -"Hearts in Atlantis", Steven King

  • "We almost always see where our best interest lies, I think, but sometimes what we see means very little compared to what we feel." -"Hearts in Atlantis", Steven King

  • "Hearts are tough, Pete. Most times they don't break. Most times they only bend." -"Hearts in Atlantis", Steven King

  • "She reminded me of a girl waiting for an invitation to dance. Even her lace-trimmed nightgown had a pathetic look, like a ball dress carefully ironed by some loving mother who had imagined her daughter waltzing all evening, and never dreamed it could be otherwise." -"Celestial Navigation", Anne Tyler

  • "It occurred to her that pleasure, no matter how deep, was a ghostly, ephemeral thing." -"Needful Things", Steven King

  • "The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool." -"Needful Things", Steven King

  • "Humanity! So noble! So willing to sacrifice the other fellow!" -"Needful Things", Steven King

  • "Souls are for liberal arts majors, Noonan. I was an engineer." -"Bag of Bones", Steven King

  • "If you spend your life fighting for good causes, the so-called good people will sure as hell break your heart in the end. Fuck 'em." -"Strangers", Dean Koontz

  • "I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life ... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." -Henry David Thoreau

  • "Take advantage of opportunities, but guard yourself against evil. Don't underrate yourself. Humility deserves honor and respect, but a low opinion of yourself leads to sin. Do not let others have their way at your expense; do not bring on your own ruin by giving up your rights. Never hesitate to speak out when the occasion calls for it. Don't hide your wisdom. Your wisdom and education can be known only by what you say. Do not, however, go against the truth, and remember that you do not know everything." -Sirach 4:20-25

  • "We care. It's our curse. It's our blessing." -Dean Koontz, "Strangers"

  • "The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there...and still on your feet." -Stephen King, "The Stand"

  • "For a guy like him, the rule of thumb is just SSDD, and so fucking what. You grew up, became a man, had to adjust to taking less than you hoped for; you discovered the dream-machine had a big 'Out of Order' sign on it." -"Dreamcatchers", Stephen King

  • "Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk." -Stephen King (3/8/90)

  • "'We got half the doggone MIT College of Engineering here, and nobody who can fix a doggone television?' Dr. Joseph Abernathy glared accusingly at the clusters of young people scattered around his living room.
    'That's electrical engineering, Pop,' his son told him loftily. 'We're all mechanical engineers. Ask a mechanical engineer to fix your color TV, that's like asking an Ob-Gyn to look at the sore on your dick.'" - "Drums of Autumn", Diana Gabaldon

  • "It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live." -Prof Dumbledore, "Harry Potter and the Socerer's Stone"

Music

  • "How am I supposed to remember you when you won't let me forget?"-'Leave' by The Barenaked Ladies

  • "If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever." -The Beach Boys, "Forever"

  • "Well I can't do the talk
    Like they talk on my tv screen
    And I can't do a love song
    Not the way you sang it to me
    Can't do anything, but I would do anything for you
    Can't do anything except be in love with you
    All I do is miss you and the way it used to be
    And all I do is keep the beat
    I keep bad, bad company
    And all I do is kiss you through the bars of this rhyme
    When Julie, I'd do the stars with you anytime."
    - Dire Straits, "Romeo and Juliet"

  • "My head is battling with my heart
    My logic has been torn apart"
    - Bic Runga, "Sway"

  • "I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does" -The Smiths, "How Soon is Now"

  • "I wish I'd seen you as a little girl
    Without your armor to fend off the world
    I would have kept you underneath my wing
    I would protect you from everything
    ...
    Did the boys tease you when they had the chance
    Always left standing when it came time to dance
    Did you hide behind your books girl
    Did you find your secret friends
    Always I'll want you
    Always 'till the end"
    - Tonic, "Lemon Parade"

  • "Running after you, I don't know where you are, and I can't seem to get you, I want you to know me..." -Days of the New, "Weapon & the Wound"

  • "People always ask me how a 17-year-old can write the kind of things I do, and I never really have an answer for that. I can only write from deep inside, about things that have happened to me, things that haunt me. You change in some ways as you grow older, but what's inside never really changes at all." -Travis Meeks (Days of the New)

  • "Let's give a cheer to old Rensselaer
    You bring the whiskey, I'll bring the beer.
    Send the freshmen out for gin
    And don't let a sober sophomore in
    We never stumble, we never fall
    We sober up on pure alcohol.
    When we yell, we YELL LIKE HELL!
    For the glory of old Rensselaer."
    -A song sung by the RPI pep band

  • "I'm a moral wreck from the Polytech, and a hell of an engineer!"-R. Shermerhorn,Jr

  • "This is the 80's and I'm down with the ladies."-Tone Loc, "Funky Cold Medina"

  • "RPI was RPI when Union was just a pup
    And RPI will be RPI when Union's busted up
    And any Union son-of-a-bitch we find within our walls,
    We'll nail his ass against a pole and castrate his balls!"
    - Cheer said by the RPI pep band, apparently found in a book of folk songs (yes, it's inappropriate, but I don't care)

  • "Record and play, after years of endless rewind" -Barenaked Ladies, "Too Little Too Late"

  • "I had a clue, now it's gone forever." -DMB, "Warehouse"

  • "At the end of the day or at the end of the party, when everyone goes home, you're stuck with yourself." -Layne Staley, Alice in Chains...RIP

Miscellaneous

  • "There are only two truly infinite things : the universe and stupidity. And I am unsure about the universe."-Albert Einstein

  • "A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students."-John Ciardi

  • "To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research"-Wilson Mizner

  • "A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep."-W.H. Auden

  • "Hard as it is to believe, sometimes bloody, proletariat revolution just isn't the answer. Like in Algebra class, for example. -Don Swain

  • "I laughed; I cried. It was either a really good movie, or I've got bipolar disorder." -Paul Wiley

  • "When in doubt, whip it out." That's a fine saying, but not such a hot Spelling Bee strategy." -Woody Walker

  • "I know the difference between sadist and masochist...but you're going to have to beat it out of me." -Scott Leiter

  • "Relationships should come with those little black boxes that airplanes have. That way, when they crash and burn, we'd actually get some answers." -Corrina Bunch

  • "If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the head. Oh sure, it seems obvious now, but you'd be amazed at how many people don't think of it when it's relevant. Just punch them in the head. And then go get some ice cream." -R.M. Weiner

  • "Yesterday at work the boss told us he wants to start using eunuchs on our computer networks. Am I missing something here?" -Chris MacEachen

  • "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single stop in the restroom to pee." -Randy Saint

  • "My life sucks so bad my ears pop just thinkin' about it." -Gary Smith

  • "I had a big project at work, and my boss told me to give it the old college try. So I did: I drank until I passed out and woke up next to a confused sheep." -James Konow

  • "Sometimes I get really depressed and I think life isn't worth living. Then I look around and see all the wonder and miracles around me and I realize life is worth living...just not *my* life." -Lili Von Schtupp

  • "If I were evil, I wouldn't lurk in the hearts of men...I'd lurk in the pancreas or duodenum. That way, not even the Shadow would know I was there." -Hikeeba

  • "I wish I were in charge of naming hurricanes, because I'd love to watch Peter Jennings have to say, 'Hurricane Ass continues to damage Cape Hatteras with 150 mile-per-hour winds.'" -Chris Lipe

  • "Since computers basically just use ones and zeroes, someone should invent a binary keyboard -- one with just two really big keys on it. The cool thing about it would be that you could type on it with your butt cheeks." -Whil Hentzen

  • "I used to think that the worst feeling in the world was being lonely, until I remembered that sliding down a giant cheese grater naked is also pretty bad. So it hit me what would be worst of all: sliding down a giant cheese grater naked, and having no one to share it with." -Silas Knight

  • "I have business cards that state my occupation as "onomatopoeia." When people ask me what I do for a living, I just hand them a card and say, "Whooooooosh!" -Shewalt

  • "Sometimes my pee smells like Cheerios. At first I worried about my pee. Now I worry about Cheerios." -Rob Vanden Heuvel

  • "Love youre enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." -R.A. Dickson

  • "Women can do any job men can and give birth while doing it." -Allan Heavy

  • "I hate people. People make me pro-nuclear." -Margaret Smith

  • "Have you ever dated someone because you were too lazy to commit suicide?" -Judy Tenuta

  • "For birth control I rely on my personality." -Milt Abel

  • "Some days I just pray for spontaneous combustion." -Daniel Di Paolo

  • "This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. Somebody got angry about this, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!" -Taken from Jenn's away message

  • "Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul." - Henry van Dyke

  • "I just love the first day of school. The smell of beer on the floor, the dark smoky rooms, the sticky tables and squeaky chairs... no, wait. That's not school." -Mark Torrente

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If you have any good quotes for me, or know where some of my unknown quotes came from, please email me!

turcoj@rpi.edu