a conversation with ELIZA

Janet's text is in dark blue. The responses of "Dr. Eliza" are the lighter blue-green. For funny Eliza conversations, see AOLiza

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i have an unhealthy relationship with a chipmunk.
 You say you have an unhealthy relationship with a chipmunk ?
>> indeed, i do.
 Can you elaborate on that ?
>> his name is dale. we're in love.
 I am not interested in names.
>> what are you interested in?
 Why do you ask ?
>> i'm curious.
 Is it because you are curious that you came to me ?
>> no. it's 'cause you've got buns of steel.
 Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes. will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?
 You seem to be quite positive.
>> really?
 I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> you know, you really do have a cute butt.
 We were discussing you -- not me.
>> what do you think of my butt?
 Your butt ?
>> yes, my buttocks.
 You are sure.
>> absolutely.
 Earlier you said your butt .
>> you talk caveman.
 Oh, I talk caveman ?
>> apparently.
 Please go on.
>> what color are your toenails?
 Does that question interest you ?
>> more importantly, does that question interest you?
 You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> you're right!
 What makes you think I am right ?
>> sorry, what was that? i wasn't paying attention. i keep staring at your butt.
 Please don't apologise.
>> so you like it when i stare at your butt?
 What are your feelings now ?
>> changing the subject, are we? i can only hope that one day i will be as subtle as you.
 Did you think they might not be we ?
>> who the hell are "they"? have you been talking to the kings? they're all liars, you know. LIARS.
 Would you like it if they were not they ?
>> you're a doctor, not a freakin' philosopher.
 Does it please you to believe I am a doctor ?
>> you're not a doctor? holy fuck, you better give me a refund.
 Do you sometimes wish you were not a doctor ?
>> i'm not a doctor.
 How long have you been not a doctor ?
>> a pretty freakin' long time.
 What does that suggest to you ?
>> it suggests that i'm not a freaking doctor.
 Do you believe it is normal to be not a freaking doctor ?
>> yes, i would hope so. i don't want to see my doctors freaking.
 I see.
>> but does bob see? that's the real question, you know.
 We were discussing you -- not me.
>> actually, we were discussing bob.
 Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> not really.
 I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> "fully" is a funny word.
 Please go on.
>> after you, my dear doctor.
 Oh, I ?
>> yes, then i have more time to stare at your cute butt.
 I understand.
>> do you have any scissors? i broke a nail.
 You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> why are you so eager not to talk about scissors? what are you hiding?
 What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> do ostriches fly at midnight?
 What does that suggest to you ?
>> ostriches flying at midnight suggests, like, ostriches flying. at midnight.
 Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> not really.
 I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i knew you were going to say that.
 Perhaps in your fantasies we knew each other.
>> most of my fantasies involve your butt.
 Why do you say your fantasies involve my butt ?
>> because they do.
 Is that the real reason ?
>> YES!
 You seem to be quite positive.
>> yes.
 You are sure.
>> yes.
 I see.
>> do you really?
 What are your feelings now ?
>> i'm feeling lustful, doctor.
 Do you enjoy being feeling lustful ?
>> depends on whether or not you satisfy me.
 Why do you think I satisfy you ?
>> i think you could satisfy me quite well. do you have any lubricant?
 You like to think I could satisfy you -- don't you ?
>> oh yeeeahh, baby. come to mama!
 Earlier you said your fantasies involve my butt .
>> mm-hmm. my, those are nice boxers you're wearing.
 Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> as a matter of fact, i'm wearing underwear too.
 Is it because you are wearing underwear too that you came to me ?
>> more precisely, i came to you so you could take off my underwear.
 Is it important that your underwear ?
>> i've always wanted to fuck a caveman.
 Can you think of a specific example ?
>> you're pretty hairy and dumb yourself.
 Perhaps you would like to be pretty hairy and dumb myself .
>> not really, i think you've got enough hair and stupidity for both of us.
 Do you say you think you've got enough hair and stupidity for both of us for some special reason ?
>> because it's true, my love. did you know this lingerie comes from france?
 Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> shut up and kiss me.
 Lets discuss further why your .
>> i said, SHUT UP!
 That's quite interesting.
>> I'LL KILL YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!
 We were discussing you -- not me.
>> (BANG! BANG!)
 Does that have anything to do with the fact that your underwear ?
>> those are great last words, you motherfucker.
 What if they were not great last words ?
>> i'm leaving before the police come. goodbye.
 How long have you been leaving before the police come ?
>> GOODBYE, you motherfucker.
 Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.

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