Grief
is an odd bedfellow. Sometimes it stains and hangs on like wet crepe
paper; other times, it's distant and almost doesn't feel real. Our
grief journey is approaching the four-year-mark - like the years of high
school or the length of a political office. Can I remember what if
felt like to a freshman? Do I recall the furor & chaos of the
2000 election not to mention 2004's fiasco? Folks make mention of
our innocence before Sept 11th whereas I mark time in every action or reaction
to Before We Lost Di or Since. I look at a stand of trees on the
highway I travel by frequently and wonder if Di ever noticed those same
sentinels of nature when she drove passed them. I live in memories,
my forever links to my precious girl.
January 9,
2001 is branded forever into my consciousness more than any other date
in my entire life. The effects of that morning shoved me onto this
"journey in sad shoes" and I've not ever been the same. At first,
I was in denial. How could my beloved daughter so vibrant with life
die?
We spoke every day. When I was in her presence, when I felt her smiles
and touched her laughter nothing could extinguish her magic. But
God took her home suddenly and without warning. There are moments
almost four years later that I am still in denial because I cannot wrap
my head around the reality that Di won't explode thru our back door with
her insatiable lease on life to pull me into her orbit of a never ending
thrill ride!
How could we
honor her remaining bogged down in our never-ending sorrow? What
could possess us to deny what was so unbelievably beautiful by being stuck
in our desolation and egregious loss? Four years later and we mark
her anniversary knowing we published a book about her last year to glorify
her extraordinary life. What joy & pride that endeavor generated
from friends & family across the country and around the world.
We cheer every time her name is mentioned. Within days of this death
anniversary our granddaughter will be born. Our family circle swells.
Our sorrow is no less and sometimes even more because of its length; yet
how could we wallow in our misery knowing Di would only want us to celebrate
her for the priceless 26 years we had her? She would be the first
to encourage us and cheer us on. Her marvelous mystery lives and
thrives thanks to those honored with her schlorship at Oregon State University
carrying her name and with the countless donations to Astoria Oregon's
Columbia Memorial Hospital in her honor.
Dianne Marie
Finklein is remembered and counted among the stars in the heavens and on
earth because she created a lasting legacy that will live long after all
of us. That we all walked the earth for a brief moment at the same
time and were gifted with her presence in our lives = how blessed are we!
"I
am now in my third year. The pain certainly has not lessened.
Maybe I have learned to live with it a bit better. But there are
days that seem to be beyond endurance. But God is always there whispering
to me that He has Tyler safely waiting for me. Isn't he wonderful?
Praise His name."
IN HONOR OF
DUSTIN HAY
12-07-78 TO
10/24/97
Hi, Skip &
Jerry,
Yes, I loved
your newsletter. It brought me comfort and encouragement. I'm
so sorry that I never wrote and told you. I have had so many physical
things wrong with me, since Dustin went to Heaven. I already had
needed to get a hip replacement before that, but am still holding on, hoping
they will get something that lasts longer, but the pain never subsides.
I now have Fibromyalgia, irritable colon, migraines, insomnia, acid reflex,
panic attacks, and the list goes on and on. Do you now have more
things wrong with you since your precious children went to Heaven?
I think that our immune system gets all out of whack.
I can't believe
that it's nearly 7 years. We went over to the cemetery and put all
the fall things on it. We go to a country church, and they are lenient
about what we can put on the grave. I've read so many stories about
how the parents are not allowed to put anything. That would be really
hard. I used to love fall, but now, when the leaves start falling,
I get depressed, knowing that Dustin's anniversary date is not far behind.
Sometimes it seems like it just happened, and other times, it seems like
it has been forever. I wish God would let us see them, if only for
a second. I know that are so happy in Heaven full of God's perfect
love and peace. The hole in my heart is so big.
Dustin was
a joy. He was totally devoted to God. Even if I missed church
for some reason, Dustin would always go. He was a dedicated young
man. I miss him so much. At times, it seems like the void he
left is so big that it will swallow me up. But, I try to read the
Bible, and find passages that are of comfort and hope. I know that
someday, when we get to Heaven, we will totally understand all this, but
not until then, and that makes it so hard. Thank you for all the
work you do to bring comfort to bereaved parents. I would love to
get your newsletter again. Thanks so much for e-mailing me, and asking
me about it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Lisa
(Bybee)
IN HONOR OF
BILLY ZERCHER
10-18-86 TO
05/23/04
(October 18th
was their son's first birthday since he died in a car accident; he would
have been 18 years old)
"Yes, the 18th
was hard. I cried off and on all day. We tried to do some things
that younger children might enjoy ~ mostly just to stay busy, you know?...
Basically, I just cried my way through the day. It seems like if
I have a really "good" crying spell, then I'm pretty desensitized for a
few days and there are few tears. (I cry every day. EVERY day.
It's just that some days are more like gentle tears running down my cheeks
and rotten days are sobbing hard for several minutes. Does that make
sense?) After a few days with gentle tears, it seems to build up
and then I have a hard crying spell. How long does this go on???
I'm not really asking you to answer an impossible question...I just get
so very weary...."
Pam Zercher
IN HONOR OF
DR. THOMAS BROWN IV
04-08-61 TO
07/27/99
BY MOM LILLIE
ANN BROWN
We thought
of you with love today.
But that is
nothing new
We thought
of you yesterday
And days before
that too.
We think of
you in silence
We often speak
your name.
Now all we
have is memories
And your picture
in a frame
Your memory
is our keepsake,
With which
we'll never part,
God has you
in his keeping,
We love you
in our hearts.
