Many years ago, my husband, whom I did not know was depressed, and I, a known hothead, had a rare and terrible argument in which I yelled out, "Get out and don't ever come back!"  And he drove away and committed suicide.  Now, I know that decision was his own, but in marriage, even our individual decisions are affected by our lives together and in retrospect there are some things in which I had responsibility and things I wish I could take back.
 
That said, these are some of the things I have learned:
 
It's OK even now, to apologize to your loved one...out loud...in a letter...telling God in prayer, as often as you need. Apologize to God and ask for  forgiveness;  Christ died for our sins, including this one.  Then, pray to be able to accept His forgiveness.  Determine to get better and "pray for where you want to be"-- not only will you be looking ahead, you will be assisted by the power of God.  He wants to restore and heal us as a part of His process of making us more like His son.
 
A little guilt can be a productive thing. It can spur us on to wiser decision-making and to better actions. Overwhelming guilt can be a tool of Satan to cripple us in spirit and thwart the redemptive work of God in our life.

Through our suffering, we can be led to new insight into the suffering of others, into trusting God, into learning what is truly important in life. 

Honor your loved one by participating in something he was interested in, and in that way play a part in the difference his life made:  Was he a gardener? Plant and tend something. Did he have a special charity or ministry interest? Take part in a function or fundraising. Be creative and come up with a way you can be involved in something that will cement in your mind positive actions and thoughts with the memory of your loved one.
 
We can do NOTHING about what has happened, but our response is up to us by allowing God to work in our lives to bring about good things. The challenge is to use what has happened to drive us to compassionate, beneficial action. Find a ministry that you can be involved in;  use what's happened: don't "waste your sorrows."
 
And the most important for last: Immerse yourself in reading the Bible, praying, consulting with mature Christians, allowing them to pray for you.  Bottom line: lay it at the feet of God. Ask for his healing and a sense of peace. Ask Him to come in and restore your life and to be allowed to be aware of His working in your life: it gives such hope!

In Ephesians 1:18-20, Paul has a wonderful prayer for all of us crippled by guilt and longing for hope: "I pray also that you will have greater understanding in your heart so you will know the hope to which he has called us and that you will know how rich and glorious are the blessings God has promised his holy people. And you will know that God's power is very great for us who believe. That power is that same as the great strength God used to raise Christ from the dead...(NCV)"   AMEN!

~FRED GOODWIN~

~BRODYFLY~

~PERSONAL STORIES~ PAGE INDEX