They
were driving together from the Lompoc CA Flower Festival to Oxnard CA at
about 3 AM on Sunday. They had too much alcohol to drink as I found out
later when I got the pathology reports from the coroner 4 years later.
It took me that long to have the strength and courage to get the report.
They died instantly
when their car hit an eucalyptus tree. Paul’s body was so badly damaged
he couldn’t be fixed up for viewing by the funeral home technicians. Jim
looked alive in the casket & I kept asking "Why?" I was told much later
that he died between heartbeats, that’s why he looked alive. I had to touch
him in the casket he looked so alive. I didn’t know I needed to see the
remains of Paul to realize he was really dead; it took many years to finally
believe he was dead & to stop "searching" for him.
After the family
arrived in Santa Barbara, Jim’s wife, Leslie, wanted to go check out the
tree that Jim and Paul had hit. Leslie was in the Navy & they assigned
a driver to her. All of us went to north of Santa Barbara to find the eucalyptus
tree they had hit. (I later had to forgive the tree) We found the tree
and I walked around it telling Jim & Paul, "Goodbye." I saw blood on
the tree; this was difficult to see.
They were buried
at Santa Clara Cemetery in Oxnard CA. We put Paul’s ashes in Jim’s casket
as a part of the funeral. He was buried with Jim. Their gravestone has
both names on it. Their Dad died about a year later & was buried in
a small vault attached to their vault.
I reached out
to see if there was a grief group in my area and a young man, whose only
young child had died of drowning, came and talked with me & gave me
a huge stack of Compassionate Friends Newsletters. Later I started going
to TCF meetings. I wrote Jim and Paul letters, changed what I did on Holidays;
the 1st Christmas was difficult. Finally got a book by Teresa Rondo concerning
a child’s death & started reading about Sudden Death. I got some
booklets from LARGO written by Sacha Wagner; they were a very great help;
I read them through and through.
