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WELCOME
TO:
~FOOTPRINTS
MINISTRY, INC.~
(BRINGING
HOPE TO BEREAVED FAMILIES)
Skip
& Jerry Mudge
6605
Mallard Park Dr.
Charlotte,
NC 28269
704
509-6603
~THE
EXPERIENCES OF GRIEF~
Borrowed,
with permission, from the January 2002 Healing Hearts Newsletter, published
by Pat Mankle. The on-line version is found at pmankle@attbi.com ; Write
Healing Hearts, 19627 SE 284th St, Kent WA 98042. This is a summary of
Pat’s excellent articles & a fitting conclusion to The First Year of
Grief.
We will explore
the thoughts and feelings that might be experienced during the grief journey.
This list will by no means include everything that an individual experiences
when faced with grief. Grieving is as unique as each of us who finds ourselves
on this journey. There are no suggestions here for coping. There are no
set ‘rules’ on the order or length for any of these.
SHOCK/DISBELIEF:
Shock
is nature’s way of softening the blow. It serves as a cushion – giving
you time to absorb the fact of your loss.
DENIAL:
The
phone will ring, the door opens, or you will see someone, and at first
you will think it is your loved one…Even though you know the fact of death,
you continue not to really believe it.
SOBBING/CRYING:
Sobbing
is an outlet for the deep strong emotions that accompany the death of a
loved one. Some people cry often and cry a lot. Others push down their
tears, but this may lead to psychological or physical problems.
PHYSICAL
SYMPTOMS:
You
may experience some of the following: lack or increase of appetite; sleeplessness
or oversleeping; knot or emptiness in pit of stomach; aches; stomach aches;
sighing to get your breath; trembling; chills; fatigue; chest pains; difficulty
swallowing or speaking; digestive disorders; feeling weak or faint; slower
in speech or movement; temporary paralysis of limb or sight. It helps to
understand some of these may be a part of grief…It is advisable to have
a physical checkup to be sure.
WHY?:
The
question ‘WHY’ seems to need to be asked repeatedly in an effort to make
sense of the loss. The question may be unanswered, but it is important
to ask the question until we can take the step of letting the question
go.
REPETITION:
You
may find that you are saying almost the same things to the same people.
The same thoughts keep running through your head…it helps us to believe
what has happened.
REALITY
OF DEATH:
"It’s
true." "It really happened." This is a frightening time….Actually, this
reality has to ‘hit.’ As much as we don’t want to hurt, we must.
CONFUSION:
"I
can’t think." The simplest decisions seem impossible. It seems difficult
to concentrate…Sometimes motivation to do something may be very low…you
are using all your emotional energy to grieve.
IDEALIZATION:
At
first you may see your loved one as perfect…but it is important to be aware
of others in the family. They may compare themselves to the ‘perfect’ loved
one & feel that they are not loved.
ANXIETY/PANIC:
(Fear
of "Going Crazy") You may fear being alone. You worry about the future…You
panic at the approach of special dates (birthdays, holidays, anniversary
of the dead). Sometimes bereaved have thoughts of suicide as the only way
to escape the physical & emotional pain…Panic is normal. If panic seems
intolerable, you need to do something about it. Talking about our feelings,
getting busy with something, sobbing, screaming, exercise – all may help
to release the panicky feelings.
BARGAINING:
You
may try to bargain with God that "things will be different," that you will
try to be a better person if only the loved one can be alive again.
DEPRESSION:
Sometimes
you just don’t care about anything…Mornings are terrible…It’s an effort
just to get out of bed, to shop, or fix a simple meal. Talk things over
with a friend who cares & will listen…Talking to others in a support
group of bereaved parents who know what you are going through also helps
a great deal.
~WEBSITES~
GRIEF
SUPPORT
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~SUICIDE
INFORMATION~
NEWSLETTER
~ JAN/FEB 2002
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GRIEF
SUPPORT INFORMATION
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