~FOOTPRINTS MINISTRY, INC.~ (BRINGING HOPE TO BEREAVED FAMILIES) Skip & Jerry Mudge 6605 Mallard Park Dr CHARLOTTE, NC 28269 704 509-6603

This is one of the toughest newsletters we’ve ever written.  It has taken me, Skip Mudge, almost 14 years to reach the point where I can rationally discuss the suicide of my son Jeff. I and my family went through all the usual scenerios: shame, guilt, anger, denial etc. Jeff didn’t leave a note and to this day, we can only guess what happened. 

One of the devastating ways to lose a child is through their suicide; it can ‘rip your guts out.’ Many suicides occur during the Holidays. There is one family here in Charlotte that discovered at Christmas time that a son had hung himself in the attic. For months, the mother was unable to stay in her home. 

We’re going to discuss suicide from many angles: causes, causative factors, effects on family, religious considerations, preventive measures, a prevention program we like etc. Some of the discussions will sound simplistic, but if you look up the source, there is a lot of information to back them up.
 

~CAUSES OF SUICIDE~

~INDIVIDUAL~

Ø Depressive illness [60% of attempts]
o Low serotonin
o Poor nutrition
o Accutane* acne treatment
Ø Character disorder
o Aggressive-impulsive
o Perfectionist-rigid
Ø Genetic disposition (80% had relative with depression)
Ø Low self-esteem/ isolation/ acceptance by peers

~FAMILY~

Ø Divorce (guilt feelings)
Ø Sexual abuse
Ø Physical abuse
Ø Loss of parent’s job etc.

~SOCIETAL~

Ø High or low rates in community
Ø Taboos against suicide
o "Sanctity of Life"
o Beliefs in Evolution
Ø How media portrays suicide
Ø Sexual orientation (?)
Ø Residential mobility
Ø Continuous exposure to violent TV, movies 
Ø "Rap" Music

~PROXIMAL RISK FACTORS~

Ø Stress Event
o Suicide of friend (clusters)
o Sexual abuse
o Pregnancy
o Breakup with boy or girlfriend
Ø Altered State of Mind
o Hopelessness
o Rage
o Intoxication/ substance abuse (use of alcohol = 30%)
Ø Opportunity
o Available method (firearms, car etc)
o Privacy

Primary Source: Center for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC)
 

 

~NUMBER OF SUICIDES & SUICIDE RATES~
~BY AGE~

Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
 Http://www.ac.wwu.edu/~hayden/spsp 
"Fatal & Nonfatal suicide Attempts Among Adolescents –
Oregon, 1988-1993"

In 1987 the state legislature in Oregon mandated that hospitals treating a child aged 17 years old for injuries resulting from a suicide attempt report the attempt to the State Health Division. Information collected included: age, race, sex, place of attempt, method of attempt etc. During this period of time, children as young as 6 years old attempted suicide. The statistics below are a summary of the Oregon Report. Race factors were not reported.

In another article, it was reported that the rate increase in black males is soaring;
young white males still have highest rate.  http://www.daily/.umn.edu/gopher-archives/1995/04/21/WNYOUTH.STO
Native Americans have the highest rate of all
 

This was a study ‘designed to help clarify the issues involved in preventing suicide by describing the types of youth suicide programs that are in operation or that have been proposed.’  The report found that there is a broad spectrum of youth suicide programs ranging from general education about suicide to crisis center hotlines. They summarized these as: school gatekeeper training, community gatekeeper training, general suicide education, screening programs, peer support programs, crisis centers and hotlines, means restriction and intervention after a suicide.

After reviewing all these types of programs, the following is a summary of overall findings:

v The various prevention strategies of current youth suicide prevention programs have two common themes;

v Strategies to enhance recognition of suicidal youth and their referral to existing mental health resources, and

v Strategies designed to directly address known or suspected risk factors

v Most programs focus on teenagers, with little emphasis given to suicide prevention among young adults

v Current programs are sometimes inadequately linked with existing community health resources

v Some strategies are applied very infrequently – despite great potential for success – whereas others are very commonly applied.

v Infrequent: restricting access to firearms, educating parents, peer support for high risk youth

v Common: school-based general education,

v May be one time lecture

v May not be effective in reaching those you want to reach

v Certain potentially effective programs targeted at high risk youth are not thought of as youth suicide prevention programs

v Alcohol & drug abuse programs

v Programs for runaways, pregnant teens or school dropouts

v There is very little EVALUATION research in this area (i.e., after years of hard work, it’s still not known whether any of these programs prevent suicide)

Many States have laws, programs etc. to prevent suicide. The best resource for what your state has is: (North Carolina doesn’t have one yet)
http://www.ac.wwu.edu/~hayden/spsp/states/yourstate.HTML 
Much of the above has focused on suicide of young people. As the charts show on Page 3, the suicide rate among young people in their 20s and 30s is even higher. Most of you on our mailing list with suicide had your child commit suicide as a young adult. (By the way, professionals prefer the term ‘complete’ suicide rather than ‘commit’) Let’s move away from statistics, taking a closer look at causes etc. 
 
 

In an interview with Andrew Dworck, a neuropathologist with the New York State Psychiatric Institute, it was stated: "People who commit suicide appear to have different brain chemistry than others…Every year, 30,000 Americans kill themselves. More than half of these people are clinically depressed, but that doesn’t explain why they commit suicide. Eighty percent of all people suffering from depression never try to take their own lives…what distinguishes the two groups biologically?

…After a decade of work studying over 175 brains, the research group in New York has found that the serotonin braking system is defective in many suicide victims…Depressed patients who have tried to kill themselves seem to have lower serotonin activity than depressed patients who have never attempted suicide."

It has been estimated by the US Government that 60% of all suicides are related to depression. Combine depression with alcohol or drug usage and this climbs to 80%. Yet it is reported that only 20% of clinically depressed people attempt suicide. So what’s the difference? In this brief synopsis, we’ll look at several factors but still may not know whether one outweighs the others or if it’s combinations of factors that lead to suicide.

 "The brain needs certain chemicals - - the neurotransmitters - - in order to function properly. Each nerve cell in the brain is separated by tiny gaps. The neurotransmitters carry messages across these gaps to a receptor. Each neurotransmitter has a special shape that helps it fit exactly into the corresponding receptor like a key in an ignition switch. When the neurotransmitter ‘key’ is inserted into its matching receptor’s ‘ignition’, the cell fires and sends the message on its way. The neurotransmitter is either absorbed into the cell or burned up by enzymes surrounding the gaps.

Although there are at least 100 different kinds of neurotransmitters, medical research has identified three in particular that control our moods, and thus the very quality of our lives. They are norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine. When the levels of one or all of these are low, messages can’t get across the gaps…the nerve cell can’t get the message it’s supposed to send to some part of the body."

Jason McMichael was the son of Debra & Bob DeLano. They describe Jason’s suicide this way: In his teens, Jason developed a medical depression caused by a chemical imbalance in his body. It was a kind of depression that made him feel all alone in the world with no hope. It wasn’t the kind of depression that he could will away…Jay was on an advanced dosage of a new drug, and after one year was pronounced cured…Recently that chemical imbalance reoccurred. Something that we will never know triggered it…Jason recognized something was wrong and went for help. Unfortunately, this time it wasn’t in time.

[3]
~TYPES OF DEPRESSION & SUICIDE~

There are several classes of depression, for example, major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder and bipolar disorder 

Depression and Suicide in Children and Adolescents: 
http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/chapter3/sec5.html 

This article is not clear on whether suicide is predominant with any one type.  There are some interesting facts in the article:

v Children of depressed parents are 3 times as likely as children with non-depressed parents to experience a depressive disorder. Genetics or environment?

v A person with a negative or pessimistic mindset reacts more helplessly to events & this may contribute to hopelessness.

v Suicide in teens can be facilitated in vulnerable teens by exposure to real or fictional accounts of suicide. "Suicide Clusters" may result.

This article covers some of the recent research into what may cause depression. For example, with bipolar depression, serotonin levels low in the depressive stage and high in the manic phase. The author also explores the CORTICOTROPIN-RELEASING FACTOR (CRF) and the progress in medicines in helping depression.

Another article from the September 1995 issue of Psychiatric Times (Http://www.mhsource.com/pt/p950907.html ) states that " in suicidal behavior…there are three categories of triggers: acute psychiatric illness; substance, alcohol or medication abuse; and social or family crisis…factors governing the threshold for suicidal behavior include genetics, personality, alcohol, family and social support, chronic illnesses and serotonin levels."

I had never heard of this until Linda Kessler told us about her daughter, Kelley, who had BPD and ‘completed’ suicide: Borderlines cut themselves, burn themselves, drink themselves into oblivion, etc., to make the pain go away. In Kelley’s case, the sight of her own blood gave her relief from the pain…Borderlines are usually so mean to their loved ones that they get their anger and frustration out that way. These do not typically commit suicide… Kelley bottled everything up inside herself.

In The Biology of Borderline Personality ,  states that "reductions in serotonergic behavior are associated with impulsive aggressive behavior. (http://www.mhsanctuary.com/borderline/siever.htm ) Doctors in Finland found that BPD is twice as high among suicidal adolescents than among non-suicidal ones. They also found that BPD combined with alcohol problems increases the risk of suicide.

[6]
~ACCUTANE* ACNE TREATMENT~

 Accutane is described as a powerful, yet safe, drug for the treatment of severe acne. However there are several well-documented side effects such as severe depression and suicide. According to the Accutane Suicide Help Line, Accutane has been linked with more than 1300 psychiatric side effects including severe depression and more than 66 cases of suicide.   http://accutane-suicide-help.com

[7]
~A BLOOD TEST FOR SUICIDE RISK?~
Nove. 2001 Reader’s Digest

"University of Iowa scientists believe they’ve found a test to assess (suicide) risk: a blood test that checks glands controlling the stress hormone CORTISOL." In a study of patients hospitalized for major depression, those with high cortisol were 14 times more likely to commit suicide.

It seems like "Eat your veggies" is very good advice.  Dr. Ronald Pies wrote (http://my.webmd.com/content/article/1674.50513) "While there is little research that shows foods can improve mood, there’s no doubt that a lack of certain vitamins can depress our mood. Studies have shown that people with too little thiamine, folate, Vitamin B-6, or Vitamin B-12 in their bodies can become depressed. Also, some researchers believe that a lack of omega-3 fatty acids, found in fish and certain green vegetables, can lead to depression and mood swings…Therefore the best way to ward off dietary depression is to eat plenty of green vegetables, as well as salmon or tuna.

Several medical studies have shown that fish oils greatly reduce manic-depressive illness or other major types depression. Watch out for food allergies.

In today’s society there is a huge stigma attached to Clinical Depression. These are often regarded as a weakness in a person’s character. When a Christian suffers, there is even more of a stigma; "a true believer shouldn’t be depressed." But sometimes depression needs medication: Anti-depressants adjust neurotransmitter levels in the brain & are not addictive. Just as we would never think of someone with pneumonia being less of a Christian for taking an antibiotic, nor should we condemn someone for taking an anti-depressant. 

 Most people go through a general depression at one time or another. Ways to relieve the ‘blues’ include:

v Aerobic exercise, such as running or swimming
v Practice positive self-talk
v Scheduling activities throughout the day
v Eliminating foods from the diet to which the person is allergic
v Vitamin B complexes, and fish oil supplements
v Eating a sugar-free diet, as well as balanced diet
Note that we distinguish general depression from clinical depression; the latter is a change in the body’s biochemistry.
 
 

~RAP MUSIC~

We all know that music can affect our moods; that’s why many of us listen to soothing music at night. The music our children listen to can encourage them to commit suicide. That’s why many CDs now have parental advisory warnings; these are CDs with violent and pornographic lyrics. Popular star, Eminem, has many songs suggesting suicide.

Many times it is difficult for us adults to distinguish the words of the "Rap’ and "Gangsta Rap’ music. If you want to ‘see’ what your youngster is listening to, go to: http://lyrics.com.  Next is a current popular song that makes suicide sound appealing and natural.

~ADAM'S SONG~

I never thought I’d die alone
I laughed the loudest who’d have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn’t think enough
I’m too depressed to go on
You’ll be sorry when I’m gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I felt alone
We couldn’t wait to go outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over I’d survived
I couldn’t wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I’d die alone…

Menconi Ministries (http://www.AlMenconi.com) has many helps for parents in trying to set guidelines for their children: "Is Rock Music Killing Your Kids?", "The Teeter-Totter Principle", "Setting Guidelines #1" etc.
 
 

Sometimes a young person will kill themselves accidently. Maybe they’re experimenting with drugs, have tried a new drug at a Rave or been ‘huffing’ inhalants. Some have died trying to achieve a "rush’, that is, they were trying to achieve a sexual thrill by slowly asphyxiating while masturbating and went too far.
 
 

According to the American Psychiatric Association, "the strongest risk factors for attempted suicide in youth are depression, alcohol, or drug abuse, and aggressive or disruptive behaviors," Below are warning signs: 

v Depressed mood; sadness or crying; self-criticism
v Substance abuse
v Frequent episodes of running away or being incarcerated
v Family loss or instability; significant problems with parents
v Expressions of suicidal thoughts, or talk of death during moments of sadness
v Withdrawal from friends and family; becoming more isolated
v Difficulties in dealing with sexual orientation
v Unplanned pregnancy
v No longer interested in or enjoying activities that were once pleasurable
v Impulsive, aggressive behavior; frequent expressions of rage
v Chronic panic or anxiety
v Changes in eating or sleeping habits; unusual neglect of personal appearance
v Dropping grades
v Giving away treasured possessions
v Feeling helpless or hopeless
v Verbal hints: "I won’t see you again"; "Nothing matters"; "It’s no use."
 
 

We haven’t met a family yet that hasn’t felt the effect of a suicide for years and years. One mother we know can’t discuss anything about her son’s suicide even though it’s been over 5 years. In another family, the step-father can’t work during the week of his step-son’s death. Another parent, Debra Delano, put it this way: Now comes the hard part-somehow blindly stumbling through every hour of every day of the rest of our lives without our precious, precious son. I don’t have the first clue as to how to do this, except that God is carrying us in His arms."

It’s very easy to go on ‘guilt trips", to blame yourself, to ask how you failed. In our case, I had been the strong disciplanarian & my wife the soft one. After Jeff’s suicide, I kept asking myself "Was I too tough?"; my wife kept asking "Was I too soft?" In an earlier newsletter, Jim Garner related how after his sister committed suicide when he was 10 years old, he carried guilt around until he was an adult & even then it was almost 50 years before he could discuss it. Another person described it as having garbage dumped on you for the rest of your life. I know the anguish of having autopsies done on my son, having his body flown from New York to Charlotte, from seeing the rope burns on his neck.

Here is how Patricia Grimm describes her situation: "What I can’t deal with that I will never know if I took his (Andy) last chance away from him to be forgiven by telling him God would not forgive him if he takes his own life…I can’t live with that…It feels like a life sentence."

The Snapp family describes the suicide of their son, Billy, this way: "His main focus was on a young lady who had recently told him she was not ready to date…Sometime later, Billy must’ve thought about the disappointment of his first effort at teenage romance. He did not know the danger he was in…He started the car, leaned back in the seat to listen to a CD, and promptly fell asleep. He made a tragic mistake…Billy was looking forward to the rest of his life. And, so were his parents."

A young woman describes the suicide of her brother: My brother, Jeff, would have been 40 this year if he had lived. For some reason, this particular birthday affected me deeply. I miss him even though he has been dead for 14 years. Even now I sometimes reach out to call to him and then I remember – he’s no longer here to share my sorrows and my joys…The main I do is to remember to celebrate his life.
 
 

This is one of the toughest questions a parent may face; especially if you are not a Christian yourself. We know suicide is a sin against God:

v It violates the 10 Commandments
v Life is a gift from God
v Suicide usurps the power that belongs only to God
v Suicide short-circuits God’s will for your life
v Nowhere does the Bible condone suicide
v It hurts the cause of Christ, if he or she was a Christian

Pastor Charles Stanley is a highly respected and widely viewed pastor. On his website – www.intouch.org – he has this to say: God’s grace is without prejudice. Whoever believes will be saved…Does God forgive suicide? Yes He does.

If the person who committed suicide at some time accepted Jesus’ death on the cross as payment for his sin debt and asked Him into his life, he is forgiven…If a person has ever taken that step and received Christ as Savior, nothing can alter the truth that as children of God, we are forgiven…On the other hand, there is no such assurance for the one who commits suicide and has never taken that step of faith in Christ. The full article is entitled: "What The Bible Says About Suicide."

*** If you have never repented of your sin & asked Jesus to be your Savior, why not do it 
Now ***
 
 

IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP! IT IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS. IT IS NOT A SIGN YOU ARE CRAZY. YOU ARE SIMPLY NORMAL AND GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME. PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP! TELL SOMEONE YOU ARE HURTING!!

Since I’m a pro on the subject…I would tell a teenager how much so many people love him and care about him…that life isn’t always as "bad" as it seems RIGHT NOW…that NOTHING stays the same… and NOTHING could bad enough to want to end your life…Life is a challenge and prove to "them" that you can make it! That NOTHING will be too hard for you to get through – especially with the help of God…He’s just there waiting for you to ask…And I would tell them my son took his own life and if he could’ve been at the funeral…"Up there" looking down, and saw all the people there…crying and hurting for him…He would’ve said, "Oh God, What have I done?" And that every person on this planet is a miracle and a child of God…And that we’re all here for a specific reason and we’re all very special.

Know that there are young people among us who are suffering right now – just as our children suffered. Some are alone, and some have family and friends not knowing how to help. There are also among us who have not yet been touched by depression, but will.  My journey to healing began on a Sunday morning in December 1996. I would not have believed what life had planned for me – that by year’s end, I would be standing in Lincoln Memorial Baptist Church to participate in the kick-off of the Yellow Ribbon Program.

In my opinion, this is one of the best suicide prevention program there is. It involves teens, their peers, parents, youth counselors and –when needed- professional counselors.

The Light for Life/Yellow Ribbon Program was established in Colorado in 1994 by the parents of Mike Emme, a teen who took his life when he could not see any way of stopping the pain he felt inside. With Mike’s death, the Yellow Ribbon Program was born. The purpose of this program is two-fold: for young people, it serves as a ‘voice’ when they need help, and for the adult, it is information about the program so they can respond appropriately and immediately if they receive a card from someone.

The website, www.yellowribbon.org, is one of the most extensive suicide prevention websites available. For example it contains a listing of Yellow Ribbon divisions, Chapters, Clubs and Advocates in every State. In North Carolina, there are one of these in Cary, Chapel Hill, Durham, Raleigh and Wake Forest. Contacts, telephone numbers and e-mail addresses are given.  There are training seminars and workshops available for: 

v Community based programs
v Suicide Prevention Gatekeeper training
v And a brand new school based training program

We purchased a Training Program for use here in the Charlotte area and have already presented it to the Diocese of Charlotte for their "Teens in Crisis" program. It has material that can be made into overheads which covers suicide warning signs, the prevention program etc. It’s ideal for presenting to young people and their parents. The program is based on the card below. If given to teenagers, they know help is available by giving this card to a parent, Pastor, Youth Counselor etc. If another teen suspects someone needs help, they know whom to turn to.
 
 

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In a brief grief support newsletter, it’s not possible to cover every aspect of suicide – but – there is hope available. We invite reader comments.  Please look up all the websites. 

This issue is dedicated to the memories of: Jason Ames, Rebecca Brackett, Richard Castaldi, Jasen Clark, Lisa Ferrell, Andy Grimm, Wade Grussmeyer, Isaac Heil, Kyle Johnson, Nathan Manz, Jason McMichael, Michael Moran, Jeff Mudge, Michael Palmieri, Michael Randall, Kimberly Sanders, Bobby Shelton Jr., Colin Simpson, Robert Smith and Billy Snapp.

[1] Span NC, Carol Helmlinger, 1112 Askham Drive, Cary, NC 27511

[2] Parents Against Teen Suicide, #1 Smathers Street, Clyde NC 28721

[3] Stepping Stones, Becky & Lewis Kay, PO Box 2007, Greenville, SC 29602
 

~THE EXPERIENCES OF GRIEF~ NEWSLETTER ~ MARCH/SPRIL 2002

~EASTER~ NEWSLETTER ~ MARCH/SPRIL 1999

GRIEF SUPPORT INFORMATION PAGE INDEX