“Are we still going for ice cream?” Sarene asked, timidly breaking the silence.
Taylor sunk further into a corner, Zac sighed, the silence was starting to kill him.
“I thought we’d just go back to the hotel and get room service.” Isaac answered quietly. An agreement was mumbled by everyone in the van.
“99 bottles of beer on the wall…”Zac began to sing softly. “99 bottles of beer…”
“Take one down…” Sarene joined in.
“Pass it around…”
“98 bottles of beer on the wall…” They sang.
“Could you two please be quiet?” Taylor wiped at his nose and sniffed. The evening’s events had greatly disturbed him, and he sat there, swallowed in his fright and slow, self-demolition.
Zac had left, at the request of a cousin who was staying at the hotel, to go to a movie. Isaac and Trisha had gone to the hotel restaurant for desert, leaving Taylor and Sarene alone with their room ordered ice cream.
“I’ve never met anyone who liked strawberry ice cream that much.”
Taylor licked off the spoon from his 4th bowl of ice cream. “It’s good.” He shrugged.
She laughed. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“If you don’t want to answer it that’s okay, but…”
“Just ask the question.” He laughed.
“Okay, what happened tonight? I mean, you were pretty upset, so I was kinda curious.”
“Well, those girls chased us. Normally we can out run them, but tonight they caught us. Ike and Zac got away, but the girl after me knocked me on the ground and ripped at my clothes, hair, and basically any part of me they could get their hands on before the bodyguards came.”
“Wow.”
“I should be used to it, but sometimes, every time, since it’s not too often, I get…I don’t know…scared, I guess. It’s strange stuff, fame. You want it, but for every perk there are downs.”
“Like what?”
“It’s hard to feel complete, to feel…satisfied, I suppose.”
“I don’t get it.”
“You get used to the fans, the screams, the attention. It loses its amazement, its ”wow”, if you will. The things that used to fulfill you don’t cut it anymore. That’s why some people become druggies, and why other people kill themselves. Sometimes they do both.”
“That’s really sad. I hope it doesn’t happen to you.”
“You and me both.”
“Still, why did those fans attacking you affect you so much differently than it did Isaac and Zachary?”
Taylor laughed. “Just a reminder, don’t call Zac Zachary. He only gets called that when he’s in trouble.”
“Oh, okay.” She blushed, feeling stupid, and found a new fascination with the carpet.
Knowing that she felt embarrassed and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry. I won’t tell him, and as long as he doesn’t know who cares?”
“Really? Would he have gotten mad if I had called him that?”
“No, but he might have been a little annoyed.”
“Oh.” Taylor smiled. “So, you gonna answer my question?”
“What que…um…oh yeah. Okay well, it’s kind of weird. You see, I’m sort of different than my brothers. I can’t believe I’m telling you this.” He paused. “You remember how I said it’s hard to be satisfied once you get famous?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s that type of thing, sort of. I mean, the things that satisfy them don’t give me the same pleasure.”
“I don’t get it.” She shook her head, unsure of what he was trying to get at.
Taylor sighed and blushed a bit. “You know that saying ‘whatever floats your boat’?” She nodded. He placed his hands nervously in his lap. “Well, my boat doesn’t exactly float in the normal ocean.”
A light bulb went on in Sarene’s head. “Oh my God! Are you g-“ He clasped his hand over her mouth.
“No, not quite. Well, kind of, I’m not sure.” He put his hands in his hands. “All I know is that I have never met a girl who made me have really strong feelings towards her. I’ve never met a girl who amazed me so much that I wanted to be with her more than anything else.”
Sarene smiled. “All that means is that you’ve never been in love. You haven’t met the right person.”
“But I’ve met guys who’ve made me feel that way.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“Taylor, you have to find out who you are. It seems to me, you’re not too sure. I think, you’re surrounded by girls who would love to be with you. They would do anything to or for you, but because of that you don’t want any of them.”
“Yeah.”
“But the guys you meet don’t act like the girls. You’re attracted to that attitude, not necessarily the guys. You look more at the person than the shell.”
He looked at her, with clear, blue eyes. “Exactly.”
“I don’t think you’re gay. You might be, but I don’t think so. You’re just waiting for a woman who treat you like a real human being, instead of a girl who treats you like a pop star.”
He looked at her in awe. Was she for real? She understood him, she was ‘a woman who could treat him like a real human being.’ Everything in him told him to kiss her, but a stronger piece of him asked why. Was it because she had convinced him that his greatest fear, being gay, was not a reality, because he needed the kiss to prove to himself that he was indeed attracted to women? Or was it because she was really the woman he was waiting for?
“Thank you.” He smiled. He could wait until he was sure, besides they would exchange numbers, e-mails, and addresses. If one’s heart was set on something, it would always work out. That was something his mother had always told him. He hoped that she was right.
Main Page
Story Page
Song 12
Song 14
E-mail me with comments or suggestions
