Disclaimer
If ANYONE uses this piece I will personally hunt them down and not only kill them but shave his or her head, make them wear tight pants and listen to nothing but Alan Jackson and N'Sync. Thats a promise...
And a quick explanation... Jean and Mary are both members of a debate team. Duo Interpretation is a forensics event, basically consisting of a selection of a play performed by two people. Mary decided to take pieces from RENT and use it as a duo piece. So here 'tis.
RENT
NYTW version and 1996 version
by Jonathan Larson
Duo Piece (Joanne & Maureen)
compiled by Mary Peterson
performed by Mary Peterson and Shawna Jones
Introduction:
Broadway has been slowly dying for the past several years. Jonathan Larson
single-handedly reinvented the American musical with his Pulitzer Prize winning smash
hit RENT.
Maureen is a performance artist.
Joanne is a public service lawyer.
Maureen used to date Mark, a technical genius, but dumped him for Joanne. Follow the
evolution of Maureen and Joanne’s somewhat explosive relationship in this selection
from RENT by Jonathan Larson.
MAUREEN: Hi. You've reached Maureen and Joanne. Leave a message and don't forget
"Over the Moon" -- My performance, protesting the eviction of the Homeless (and artists)
from the Eleventh Street Lot. Tonight at midnight in the lot between A and B. Party at
Life Cafe to follow (BEEP)
JOANNE: (On phone) Don't screen, Maureen It's me -- Joanne Your substitute
production manager, Hey hey hey! (Did you eat?) Don't change the subject Maureen. But
darling -- you haven't eaten all day. You won't throw up. You won't throw up.
The digital delay --- didn't blow up (exactly). There may have been one teeny tiny spark.
You're not calling Mark!
(later on the lot)
Maureen: That's the stage Joanne. Kiss. Remind me when I stress or get mean.
Joanne: That was last Tuesday night, Maureen.
Maureen: When we left the house, what cable did we say to pack?
No that's a headphone jack!
Joanne: Yes, Maureen.
Maureen: No, the plugs are red and black!
Joanne: Yes, Maureen.
Maureen: Did you check the knapsack?
Joanne: Yes, Maureen.
Maureen: Then you'll have to go back.
Joanne: I guess, Maureen.
Maureen: We said RCA...
Joanne: Uh- huh.
Maureen: To connect the sampler to the digital delay.
Joanne: Lets not get uptight.
Maureen: God, this is going worse than we expected.
Joanne: I know, Maureen.
Maureen: How can I perform if we're unconnected?
Joanne: I'll go Maureen.
Maureen: It's times like these I really appreciate Mark. Did you check the hall?
Joanne: I checked!
Maureen: Underneath the bed?
Joanne: Right!
Maureen: At the studio, no RCA's and we're dead.
Joanne: Hang tight.
Maureen: The cops are clearing out the lot by morning.
Joanne: It's true, Maureen.
Maureen: We'll lose our shot- my piece could be a warning.
Joanne: What should I do, Maureen?
Maureen: It's times like these I really appreciate Mark.
Joanne: I heard you before.
Maureen: How can someone so bright be so utterly in the dark?
Joanne: Isn't enough that I paid for all this? Isn't it enough that I put up every day with a temperamental, selfish, abusive...
Maureen: Sexy!
Joanne: All right, sexy!
Maureen: Talented, brilliant
Joanne: Infuriating
Maureen: Funny.
Joanne: Immature
Maureen: Post-modern goddess!
Joanne: And oh-so modest!
Maureen: Kiss me!
Joanne: I’ll admitt I do adore you
Maureen: And my lousy reviews.
Joanne: And your lousy --
Maureen: Hey!
Maureen: I love you more each day.
Joanne: I love you, Maureen!
Maureen: RCA's! On the table... If you love me, run home and bring back the cable!
Joanne: I hate you, Maureen!
Maureen: Run!
Joanne: Yes, Maureen. Go over your speech!
Maureen: Go home or I'll screech! My speech -- Last night I had this... damn! This what?
This dream! Last night I had this dream, last night I had this dream, last night I had this
dream, last night I had this... Joanne!
Joanne: All right, I am going, Maureen.
(later at the lot)
MAUREEN: (in front of a microphone) Last night I had a dream. I found myself in a
desert called Cyberland. It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.
Out of the abyss walked a cow -- Elsie. I asked if she had anything to drink.
She said, "I'm forbidden to produce milk. In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke."
She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon" "They've closed everything real down
... like barns, troughs, performance spaces ... And replaced it all with lies and rules and
virtual life. But there is a way out ..."Only thing to do is jump over the moon" I gotta get
out of here! It's like I'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed in
with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse! -- I've gotta
find a way "To jump over the moon Then a little bulldog entered. His name (we have
learned) was Benny. And although he once had principles, He abandoned them to live
as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution. "That's bull," he said. "Ever since
the cat took up the fiddle, that cow's been jumpy. And the dish and the spoon were
evicted from the table -- and eloped ... She's had trouble with that milk and the moon
ever since. Maybe it's a female thing. 'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway?...
Walls ain't so bad. The dish and the spoon for instance. They were down on their luck -
knocked on my doghouse door. I said, "Not in my backyard, utensils! Go back to China!"
"The only way out is up," Elsie whispered to me. "A leap of faith. Still thirsty?" she
asked. Parched. "Have some milk." I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to
her swollen udder And sucked the sweetest milk I'd ever tasted." (MAUREEN makes a
slurping, sucking sound.) "Climb on board," she said. And as a harvest moon rose over
Cyberland, We reared back and sprang into a gallop. Leaping out of orbit!!! I awoke
singing Only thing to do Only thing to do is jump Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon Over the moon -- over the Moooooooo
Moooooooo Moooooooo Moooooooo Moo with me.
(MAUREEN encourages the audience to moo with her. She says, "C'mon, sir, moo with
me," etc. The audience responds. When the "moos" reach a crescendo, she cuts them off
with a big sweep of her arms.) Thank you.
(Later at the party at Life Cafe)
MAUREEN: Is the equipment in a pyramid?
JOANNE: It is, Maureen
MAUREEN: The mixer doesn't have a case Don't give me that face
MAUREEN: Hey Mister -- she's my sister And wipe the speakers off before you pack
JOANNE: Yes, Maureen
MAUREEN: Well -- hurry back
(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss.)
MAUREEN: We're close
MAUREEN: The ever-popular Prozac cocktail! [Joanne sees Maureen taking the drug
coctail] This is not what you think.
Joanne: Then what? Why use it?
Maureen: Joanne, it's just Mark.
Are we packed?
MAUREEN: Pookie?
JOANNE: And you should see They've padlocked your building And they're rioting on
Avenue B Benny called the cops
MAUREEN: That fuck!
JOANNE: The cops are sweeping the lot But no one's leaving They're just sitting there,
mooing! Benny says evict.........Thank you, Joanne for everything you've done - oh don't
mention it! I love being a wreck.
(later on the phone)
Maureen: (on cellular phone) Forget me not? I can't forget you, Mark- it's like forgetting
a brother, a friend. That too. Well, thanks for the- Mark, stop crying! No, this is not a
phase I'm going through. It's me.
(hangs up and dials Joanne on cellular phone) Honey...? I know you're there ... Please pick up the
phone Are you okay? It's not funny It's not fair How can I atone? Are you okay? I lose
control But I can learn to behave Give me one more chance Let me be your slave I'll kiss
your Doc Martens Let me kiss your Doc Martens Your every wish I will obey
JOANNE: That might be okay
MAUREEN: We can plan another protest
JOANNE: We?!
MAUREEN: This time you'll direct (to JOANNE) Starring me!
(Rehearsal for Maureens new prostest in feb.)
JOANNE: I said once more from the top!
MAUREEN: I said no!
JOANNE: The line is 'Cyber Arts and its corporate sponsor, Grey Communications,
would like to mitigate the Christmas Eve riots.' What is so difficult...?
MAUREEN: It just doesn't roll off my tongue. I like my version.!
JOANNE: You -- dressed as a ground hog. To protest the ground breaking!
MAUREEN: It's a metaphor!
JOANNE: Well, it's less than brilliant!
MAUREEN: That's it, Ms. Ivy League!
JOANNE: What?!
MAUREEN: Ever since New Year's, I haven't said boo. I let you direct, I didn't pierce
my nipples because it grossed you out! I didn't stay and dance at the Clit Club that
night, 'cause you wanted to go home...
JOANNE: You were flirting with the woman in rubber!
MAUREEN: That's what this is about!? There will always be women in rubber, flirting
with me... Gimme a break.Every single day I walk down the street I hear people say,
"Baby's so sweet" Ever since puberty Everybody stares at me Boys - girls I can't can't help
it baby So be kind Don't lose your mind Just remember that I'm your baby. Don't fight -- don't lose
your head Cause every night -- who's in your bed? (Pouts in JOANNE's direction) Kiss,
Pookie.
JOANNE: It won't work. I look before I leap I love margins and discipline I make lists in
my sleep, Baby... what's my sin? Never quit -- I follow through I hate mess -- but I love you
What to do with my impromptu baby? So be wise- this girl satisfies. You're one lucky baby! Take me for what I am.
MAUREEN: A control freak.
JOANNE: Who I was meant to be.
MAUREEN: A snob -- yet over-attentive.
JOANNE: And if you give a damn.
MAUREEN: A lovable, droll geek.
JOANNE: Take me baby or leave me.
MAUREEN: And anal retentive!
BOTH: That's it!
JOANNE: The straw that breaks my back.
BOTH: I quit!
JOANNE: Unless you take it back!
BOTH: Women...
MAUREEN: What is it about them?
JOANNE: Can't live --With them --Or without them!
BOTH: Guess I'm leavin'-- I'm gone! (turn away from each other)
JOANNE: (under her breath) We used to have this fight each night She'd never admit I
existed She never even gave an inch When I gave a mile
MAUREEN: I gave a mile.
JOANNE: Gave a mile to who? I'd be happy to die for someone to live for -- unafraid to
say I love you.
MAUREEN: I love you.....
(MAUREEN and JOANNE look at each other.)
MAUREEN: Pookie...
JOANNE: Honeybear...
(They embrace.)
JOANNE: I missed you...
Maureen: Let's never fight again...
Go home already!
