POKIN' FUN AT THEM REDNECKS





This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi.

Surprised, the bartender looks around and says "You ain't from around here...where you from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from West Virginia." The bartender asks, "What do you do in West Virginia?" The guy responds,"I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist...what the hell is a taxidermist?" The guy says "I mount dead animals."

The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"


A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible. The entirety of the human experience could be found there.

After the service, a woman approached the minister and said, "I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."

The preacher replied that he was sure it must be in there somewhere, and that he would look for it.

At the end of the service the following week, the minister called the woman aside and showed her a Biblical passage that read: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."


YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF....

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a daycare.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.

You couldn't learn to swim because your gene pool is too small.

Your family tree has no forks.

It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.

On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

All of your four letter words are two syllables.

You've painted a car with house paint.







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