HUMOR PAGE
Can I use the car?
A young boy had just gotten his driving
permit. He asked his father, who was a Rabbi,
if they could discuss the
use of the car.
His father took him to his study and said to
him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring
your grades up, study your
Torah a little and get your hair cut and
we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and
again asked his father if they could discuss
use of the car. They again
went to the father's study where his father
said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You
have brought your grades up, you've studied
your Torah diligently, but you didn't get
your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied,
"You know Dad, I've been thinking about that.
You know, Samson
had long hair, Abraham had long hair, Noah
had long hair, and even Moses had long
hair...."
The Rabbi replied, "Yes, and they WALKED
everywhere they went!"
Christian Dog
A Christian couple wanted to get a family pet. They felt it important to own a Christian trained pet. So, they went pet searching at a kennel specializing in Christian trained pets. They found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home.
That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new dog and his major skills that they called the dog over and had him show his Bible fetching ability. The friends were very impressed and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.
Well, they said, "Lets try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
(Thanks to Chris Saunders)
A request to God
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for weeks, but nothing turned up. He decided to write a letter to God requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "God," they opened it and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00; he thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God, which was as follows:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington, D.C. As usual, those jerks deducted $95.00.
(Thanks to Chris Wright)
The Dog
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and
must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at
the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he
led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the
manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect
letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then
jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog,
"The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to
demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet
and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally
dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent
dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about
being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said,
"Yes, but the sign*also* says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said,
"Meow."
The Pessimistic Hairdresser
A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser's getting her hair
styled prior to a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the
trip to the hairdresser, who responded,
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and
full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.
"So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're
always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left bank
called Teste....."
Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna
be something special and exclusive. But it's really a dump, the worst
hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and
they're overpriced.
So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other
people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good
luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in
one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they
bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I
had a handsome
28 year old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel--
it was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodelling job and
now it's just a jewel, finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no
extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "I know you didn't get to see the
Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to
personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step
into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me."
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Really?" asked the hairdresser. "What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get the lousy hairdo?
(Thanks to Chris Saunders)
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