(Jay and Croooooow sneak around backstage. They come to a corner.)
Croooooow: (sticking his head out past the corner) Oh my God...
Jay: (sticking his head out above Croooooow’s) What?
Croooooow: It’s that security guard...
(Just down the hall, the security guard from before is standing with his back facing the PPV Squadron.)
Croooooow: He must be looking for you, Jay.
Jay: We’ll see about that. I’m gonna get him before he gets me! (He takes the baseball bat and runs toward the security guard. At the last second, the man turns around to reveal that he isn’t a security guard, he’s Ken Shamrock!)
Croooooow: Jay, wait!
(However, it’s too late, and Jay swings the baseball bat at an unsuspecting Ken Shamrock, who goes down to the ground with a dull thud.)
Croooooow: Oh my God! You killed Kenny!
*Meanwhile, in South Park, Kyle suddenly gazes toward Dayton*
Kyle: You bastard!
*Back in Dayton*
Jay: Oops.
Croooooow: We must be near the locker room.
(They continue down the hallway, overhearing conversations as they pass different rooms.)
Chyna: You’re sure?
Triple H: Yeah. The rest of DX doesn’t suspect a thing... (they both let out a maniacal laugh)
(They pass another room, where the Big Bossman is standing around with the DOA, and Steven Regal, all in their respective costumes. “Y-M-C-A” by the Village People can be heard playing.)
All: It’s fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A! (They do the hand motions.)
(Jay suddenly turns the corner and bumps into Nicole Bass.)
Nicole Bass: You got a problem?
Jay: Excuse me, sir....
Nicole: Sir!? Sir?
Croooooow: Jay, you don’t watch much ECW, do you? That’s Nicole Bass! (to Nicole) What are you doing here? I thought ECW had you under contract.
Nicole: I decided to relocate, which is none of your business, fanboy! (She waffles Croooooow with a forearm)
Jay: Okay, this means war! (He pulls out a paint gun and fires repeatedly at Nicole Bass, who gets covered in red paint.)
Nicole: Oh, no! I’ve been shot! I’m losing blood fast! (She faints out of fear of what she thinks is blood)
Jay: (helping Croooooow off the ground) Let’s go, while the beast is stunned!
(They run down the hall, eventually ending up in front of a huge door)
Croooooow: This will be our headquarters.
Jay: Are you sure you want this place? It doesn’t look too inviting. I almost feel as if... I was being watched...
Croooooow: Oh calm down, Jay. Who would be dwelling in a boiler room?
(They walk through the door and into the boiler room. As soon as they’re in the room, the door slams shut.)
Jay: (twists around violently) What did that?
Croooooow: Umm... the wind! I’m sure it was the wind.
(A shadow passes over them, and when they turn around, Mankind is standing there.)
Mankind: So you think you’ve seen madness? You don’t know the meaning of the word!
Jay: Aaaah! It’s a monster!
Croooooow: Calm down, it’s just Mankind. He’s pretty fan-friendly. Maybe he’ll help us out.
Mankind: Maybe. Or maybe I’ll just use you two to warm up for my match tonight! Form blazing chair! (He puts his fists together and separates them. As he does so, a steel chair materializes in his hands)
Jay: Now what, Croooooow?
Croooooow: We defend ourselves. What other weapons did you bring?
Jay: (looks in his backpack, and his hand comes out the other end) Dammit, I knew I should’ve gotten that hole fixed.
(Mankind starts advancing toward them with the chair)
Jay: (holds up a paintball) All I have left is this paintball!
Croooooow: Well, do something!
(Jay throws the paintball and it hits Mankind in the eye.)
Mankind: Ow... (he drops the chair and holds his eye) That hurt!
Croooooow: (whispering to Jay) I thought Mankind was supposed to have a high pain threshold...
(Mankind runs toward them and catches them with a double-clothesline. Then he takes them by their shirt collars, drags them out of the boiler room and throws them out the nearest exit.)
Mankind: And don’t let me catch you in another boiler room ever again!
Jay: Well, it’s all up to the others now...