The five looked at the telepromter and saw the title for the show flash by--"I'M SLEEPING WITH YOUR BANDMATE--AND OTHER PAST SECRETS REVEALED!". JC winced in pain, all too aware of what was to come.
The infamous Jerry then emerged from behind the stage. The crowd errupted in applause.
"Welcome to our show today, and boy, is it gonna be good!", Jerry boasted. "Today we have the five members of the cast of Road Rules, and it seems they have some secrets they want to leave in their past. But if we left them there, would that be any fun? NO!! Sit back folks, and prepare to be dazzled. Guys--would you introduce yourselves please?"
They nervously introduced themselves (all except Justin, who believed, because Mommy Dearest told him so, that he's a perfect angel and had nothing to hide). Jerry started up again.
"Well, let's start with JC", smirked Jerry. "Now you're dating Nikki DeLoach, a member of the music group Innosluts, I mean Innosense. Right?"
"Well, yeah", JC replied. "We became friends, and she forced herself on me from there on out".
"Let's bring her out", Jerry proclaimed. Nikki entered the stage. She was booed hysterically because of her appearance (See--the crowd is smart!! :) She took a seat to the left of JC and kissed him passionately on the lips. He blushed, visibly embarrased and annoyed.
"Nikki, you came here today to tell JC something. Go ahead--the floor's all yours", Jerry said.
"JC, honey, you know I love you, but you decided a long time ago that you weren't gonna give it up. So a few ago, I started going out to get it", Nikki explained.
"And let's bring him out!", Jerry commanded, and with that, a vibrantly dressed, green-headed AJ McLean jumped onto the stage, accompanied by all-around boos (Once again--the crowd showing signs of intelligence!). He grabbed Nikki by the waist and possesively pressed his lips against hers.
Looking over to JC, Nikki said, "JC, AJ just has what I need. You want to be a virginal little boy, fine with me, but you can't expect me to stay loyal! Sorry baby!"
"And speaking of baby, you wanted to tell JC something else, didn't you?", Jerry piped in.
Grabbing JC's hand, Nikki, in an almost proud way, said "JC, darling, I'm 4 months pregnant." He quickly pulled his hand away in disgust. She went on, "Obviously, it's not yours". Turning to AJ, she said, "Sweetheart--it's not yours either". AJ's eyes flared with fury, and Nikki continued. "I had a paternity test done and ... and ..."
"Let's bring out the daddy!", Jerry cut in.
Sheepishly, and quite unexpected by everyone else, Chris stood up. "You over-the-hill jerk-off!", AJ screamed, and jumping out of his seat, viciously punched him in the stomach. Chris doubled over in pain as a bodyguard pulled AJ off of him.
When things settled a little, Chris said, "I didn't mean to do it. Honest! I don't even like her! Geez--LOOK AT HER!! Why would I wanna screw a thing like that?!?"
"Yeah--good call", JC added.
"Really", Chris continued, "Her so-called music group came to Universal one day, and I guess one thing led to another. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?? I must've been under the influence. I'm sorry--I really am!"
"Well, I hope you all learned your lesson", Jerry so wisely preached. "Now let's move onto Joey. Joey--we hear that you went to school with a famous, or maybe infamous member of the Backstreet Boys. Am I correct?"
"I don't know what you're talking about", Joey stammered.
"Apparently, he does", Jerry smiled. "Let's bring out Howie D--Backstreet Boy and open gay rights activist!" The crowd applauded in sympathy.
Winking and drooling uncontrollably, Howie said, "Hey Joey. Been awhile, hasn't it?
"I don't know you!", Joey insisted.
"Oh yes you do! Remember? I'm the one who got you through those hard times!", Howie winked.
"Why don't you tell the audience exactly what you mean", Jerry smirked.
"Well, *wink, drool*, back in the day, Joey and I went to school together. We always got along great", Howie boasted.
"Like hell!", Joey cried. "You were a fag--I hated you!"
"OK", admitted Howie. "Maybe we didn't get along too well. But WHO did you come to when the money ran low?"
Joey winced, obviously caught in the middle of a lie. Howie continued. "Well, I guess you could all guess what Joey's part-time, Saturday night job might be. One day, I came onto him, as usual, and he responded! He told me to come to his house that night, and the rest is history. And all for a 10 dollar bill!".
"AHHHHHH!! WHY WON'T YOU GO AWAY???? DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY LIFE ON NATIONAL TV?", Joey screamed in agony.
"Well, yes!", Howie said enthusiastically.
"I think it's time we leave this story alone. I'm sick enough as it is!", Jerry remarked. "Let's move onto Lance. Lancey, we hear that you used to have a quite different side to you. One in the canine family!".
Lance frowned, and annoyed, said, "YES--ok, I was Poofoo. Can we PLEASE let that go now? Just because I'm from Mississippi..."
"Not quite yet, my southern friend. You might not remember her, but let's bring out Alisha".
An enthused blonde, dressed in a tight miniskirt and halter top bounced onto the stage. She giggled, waved to the audience, and took her seat. Lance looked her up and down, not able to figure out why she was there.
"Now Alisha--you worked at Bobby's Burger Barn, located a block or so from where Lance acted as Poofoo. Right?", Jerry asked.
"Ummm...yeah!", said Alisha, twisting her blonde curls around her finger absentmindedly.
"And when did you meet Lance for the first time?"
"Ummmm...I think it was, like, some night. He, like, came to the Burger Barn, and, ummm, he like TOTALLY came onto me!", Alisha stated, extremely proud of her ability to form a complete sentence.
"Now--you're an attractive girl. You must have guys hitting on you all the time. What was so unique about Lance coming onto you?", Jerry asked.
"Ummm...well, he was like, dressed as a DOG! He, like said 'Hey baby--I got a bone for you--wanna see it?' and like, 'Hey darlin--want me to lick you up and down?'. I was like, totally NOT turned on! He even said he could, like, get me a job as his, like sidekick or something on some show", Alisha said.
Lance's face turned BRIGHT red, as he realized that he was made out to be the dog he is on national tv. He buried his face in his hands and kept quiet.
"So Lance used his costume and job to try to get you to give him some enjoyment?", Jerry eagerly asked.
"Umm...yeah! I felt, like, totally low or something!", Alisha said, with obvious false earnesty.
"You dog!", Jerry laughed. "Well, folks, we only have one more for ya, but it's a good one! On to Justin. Now Justin, you left school when you were 11 to be on the Mickey Mouse Club".
"Yo--true dat. Schoo wuzn't fo me. Mah moms sez dat I wuz born ta sing", Justin boasted.
"So, you didn't like the school thing. Why exactly?", Jerry prodded.
"Yo--I'z a brotha! I ain't need no schoo!", Justin stated.
"Well, let's bring out your old elementary school principal, Mr. Jones. He has another story to tell!"
Mr. Jones entered the stage, looking proper in a brown suit. Justin's eyes became wide with terror. He looked as if he had just seen a ghost. Mr. Jones sat as far from Justin as possible.
"Now Mr. Jones, would you like to tell the audience why exactly Justin left your school?", Jerry inquired.
"Well, he didn't really leave the school", Mr. Jones told. "We asked him to leave".
"And why's that?"
"Well, to put it lightly, we caught Justin in the middle of the bathroom keeping Mr. Happy happy", Mr. Jones said, visibly embarrassed.
"So at the age of 11, Justin was caught pleasuring himself in the bathroom, and was asked to leave the school?", Jerry insisted.
"Basically"
"Justin, do you have anything to say in your defense?", Jerry asked.
"Yo--u seen picturz of me when I wuz 11? I wuz SLAMMIN!!", Justin exclaimed, trying to find any excuse to save his righteous boy act that his mother imposed onto him.
"That's not quite a good excuse Justin, but we're almost out of time, so we're going to have to let it do. Time for our final thought", Jerry emphatically proclaimed.
Chris cut in, "Hey Jerry! Let me help you out!! I am SO good at psychological things!"
"I'm sure you are", Jerry said sarcastically. "Now--today's show proves that there are some weird people out there. But we shouldn't let their past experiences affect our opinions of them today! So please, if you get one thing from this show, which I would find amazing, please learn to give people another chance. That's all for today--THANK THE LORD!!"
The cameras turned off, and the five guys looked at each other, relieved that all their faces were the same vibrant red color. Before they had a chance to say anything, Jerry came up to them, handed them a recorder, and said, "Good luck guys. I think you're gonna need it!", and walked, rather, RAN away.
"Do I dare to play it?", Lance asked.
"Sure Poofoo. Knock yourself out!", JC returned.
Indignantly, Lance pressed play. A new, yet also familiar voice overcame them:
WE SAW HOW YOU SCORED
NOW WE'LL TEST OUT YOUR VOICES
PREPARE TO RECORD!
BACK TO O-TOWN; JIVE STUDIOS GO!
ALL FIVE OF YOU
TO MEET THE BIG POPPA
JUST ASK FOR LOU"
"Yo--record? What's up wit dat? Iz we singin? Dat'd be SO phat yo!", Justin exclaimed.
"Are you physically possible to talk like a human?", JC asked.
"Yo--I IZ speakin like a human!", Justin insisted.
"I've had to deal with this for over 5 years", JC told. "You think I'd be used to it by now!"
"Well, we should be off! We only have a little while to get back to Orlando!", Lance giggled.